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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hello im a 24 year old male strugaling with sex guilt. when

Customer Question

hello i'm a 24 year old male strugaling with sex guilt. when i was 17 i was diagnosed with mdd. at 22 i was aressted in a stabing. i didnot want to go to jail as a vergin so i had sex with the first girl that sead yes, she wasnt that pretty and she was over weaght. some how i regreted haveing sex with her but it wasnt as bad a what i did next. at this time i had a very low self of steem and didnt see my self as much. again i didn't want to go to prison only haveing sex with one woman i was afraid that my innocens left me vonrable. sex was comeing hard for me so i join adult friend finder i got no hookups and i think it was becase i was so inexperiecnd. so i did some serching on the internet and i found this yahoo group that did gangbangs on women. i was never hot on the idea of haveing more men presint than women, and i waited for at least two women to show up and the lest amout of guys to be presint. any way i did this and every one was strait and we when one at a time. the thing is that i do feel that my pride is wonded by doing this, like most men would say no way becase they have girlfriends and sex is easyer for them. but in my situation i am not an unatractive person but i did strugal in school and i have never had a girlfriend becase i was astrasized and had such a low self of steem from growing up with special needs. one day i ended up menching this and i got laft at, i did feel bad that i got laft at but at the sametime i finaly relized i was worth something. i use to hang around crack people and exc. but becase i relized i was worth something it changed how i see my self compleatly. my only worry is now how would i find a wife that will excepet me for doing that, its descusting. it really bothers me when i think about it, people like arnold schwarzenegger did this. but i feel "gay" (not in a homophobic way just perverted way) and i would have a hard time telling my wife/girl friend about it. im afraid any decent woman would say no way and walk away form me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You got involved sexually in away that lots of guys have gotten involved with You learned your lesson, you are not hooked on it, and i is over and done with.

Customer:

it doesnt seem like alot of guy have. or few will admit it

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You didn't catch any sexually transmitted diseases, I imagine (and should get tested), and you have learned your lesson. That is obvious

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

More likely that few will admit it

Customer:

i did not cach a std

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't need to show your cards to anyone.

Customer:

catch*

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are clean and health and have nothing to explain to anybody.

Customer:

yeah i gess. but i feel like i would have to tell my wife

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are less likely to do something like that now than the average guy who never did and may still think it is something cool to do.

Customer:

yes that is true

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Women are funny that way. If you tell her that you will be making a mistake. She does not need to know. It will not make your relationship better and when times are tough she will throw it up a you

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why do you think she has to know everything about you?

Customer:

i think it would be hard not to tell them

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you tell her your personal habits, the very private ones that perhaps she does as well, and don't mean masturbation. Just silly embarrassing things like picking your does or sniffing your fingers, and so on?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There is no need to tell and make yourself sound like you may still be capable of doing such things?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why would it be hard not to tell her?

Customer:

i've had such a crazy life. nothing about it is normal, i've seen people dump dead bodys. ive stabbed people, ive been to jail.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But you are not into that life any more, or are you?

Customer:

no

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I did not think so, actually. Not for a moment.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Leave the past behind

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Work on the future.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Continue to may the present a time of good decisions and kindness.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are who you are now, and not who you were.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you want people to see you how you are now? That is the REAL you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

How you were is gone, dumped with the other bodies.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You were blessed to have changed your life. Look ahead and keep marching with your head high and DON''T TURN AROUND.

Customer:

yeah

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I think you are quite a remarkable man and strong encourage you to promote and live what you have become and forget the ugly parts of your old life. Don't breathe any more life back into the dead.

Customer:

i almost feel homosexual about it though even though i just wanted to have sex with the women. not that i have a prejidice to homosexuals just that it is sexual devience for me. and you are right i dont need to be who i was im compleatly diffrent

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Then move on. Everyone experiences all kinds of sexual feels during their lives whether the act upon them or not.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are honest enough and tough enough to admit to yourself. That's great. Now get out there and conquer the world the right way.

Customer:

your right, i need to take my negative experiences and grow from them and do what is right.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And you will. My experience tells me that you will be just fine.

Customer:

thank you. thats all i needed.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will keep you in my prayersl

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are very welcome.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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