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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate. Problem is escalating. My son hit his father (67) in

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Kate. Problem is escalating. My son hit his father (67) in the face, over breakfast, last week. Discussion was about money. Our son has an alcohol problem as well; he had gone drinking the other day and we had to bail him out financially. Son indicated he wanted to stop drinking, previously. One way to do so is not to provide means/money. He is totally dependant on us (his parents) financially. He does not work, never did so. Son lost his cool (to say least) and hit his father in the face. Blood all over the place. We ordered son to leave our house, which he did. He is now staying with my husband's sister. The story if unfolding in Ethiopia.

Thank you for your advice re what stance to take. We still support our son financially, in minimum terms. We pay for his medical bills/visits to psychologist as our son has no health insurance - he never worked a day in his life. It's most amazing. We wish him well, but have come to end of road. thx. tanja
Tanja, it's good to hear from you.

I am sorry to hear about what your son did to your husband. It sounds like he has lost control over his behavior. It could be that the alcohol is affecting him to the point where he is acting out and losing control. Alcohol does affect the brain and a person's ability to make good judgments. This could also be one of the first signs of larger issues for him such as increased violence and more alcohol use.

If you have not done so yet, contact his psychologist and explain what occurred. Let him/her know that you asked your son to leave and that his behavior has become out of control. If you have a release signed by your son to talk with the psychologist, then ask for some guidance. If not, then just let the psychologist know about the situation and he/she can take it from there.

It is good that you asked your son to leave. At this point, it is easy for him to use alcohol because he does not have any responsibilities to force him to control his drinking. By making him leave, he may have to begin to face being on his own. If at all possible, let him know that you will be withdrawing your support a step at a time. He needs to support himself. This will encourage him to become responsible and he may also begin to see the need to stop his drinking in order to support himself. Sometimes you have to set limits, as painful as that is to do, in order to help someone who is hurting themselves and those around them.

You and your husband may also need support. If you have not already, consider counseling or another type of assistance (even on line is good) so you don't struggle alone.

I hope your husband is on the mend soon.

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thx Kate. Think again we are on same wave lenght. Right now, son thinks support will come in us financing a business venture, which is a no-go from a financial/practical point of view. Son is keen us speaking to his psychologist, as he feels latter will support his points of view (tbc). I don't think our son feels responable for his actions at all. Rather, his views are that we made it happen. He is sorry though, which is typical reply to domestic violence. It's not the first time, regretfully. He hit his sister twice. She did not file a complaint, in France, because sometimes/often outcome is worse. Person is release and lies in wait to do more harm. Bascially son is lovely person, which grudges which have turned into obsessions. Feeling world owns him and parents particulalry. We are trying to set boundaries, with harmful results. It is hard. Will see whether we can meet wiht said psychiatrist. Thx again. t

You are very welcome. It sounds like you are doing very well with him. It can be more complicated than most people know when dealing with someone who you want to help but they can't see the harm they are doing to themselves or anyone else. But I think what you said makes lots of sense.





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