Hello, I would like and try and assist you with your question. Welcome!
Are you available for a live chat?
The live chat can offer an opportunity to ask additional questions to better assist you.
I do have a couple questions that may help me better answer your question.
How long were you in that relationship, and when did it end?
Was the parting traumatic for you?
Why I ask if it was traumatic, is in what you write, having "virtual encounters" over and over in your head. Do you still reside with your ex- in what you write: "I am awake until they leave"...
A loss of a relationship can be traumatic for a person, and still being near that person can trigger that trauma over and over, especially when he is with another woman.
This effects your sleep, and may interfere in your day to day functioning. You are consumed with this. If you are still living together; are there no other options for you? It's hurting you over and over again when you know your ex is with other women.
Part of a trauma experience can be a hyper-vigilance, hyper awareness, hyper sensitivity to what is going on with your ex and other women. It's difficult for you to relax and let down your guard. This can create a tremendous amount of stress for you, especially if you are residing with your ex.
It sounds like your experience living virtual encounters is becoming obsessive. It's almost as if you are there witnessing what is happening, thinking those thoughts, feeling those feelings. Your experience may seem real, but may not be accurate, truly what is happening.
If you have additional information that may better clarify your experience please provide that. I do not want to make assumptions, and want to get it right in order to better assist you.
I used to think of the possibility of being with him for life but that is drifting away now. Its so unfortunate because we share the same belief and the same goals. We got along extremely well. He was never married to this person but they were in a relationship for 10 years. He still has no intention of marrying her and she knows this but I guess just having him available to her is sufficient. My life has been on hold for too long now. I need to move on. The other thing is that he talks to me about their situation as a buddy and I am there to listen and give advise. Also he knows what I go through. He has known from the time it started and because of this his activity is very minimal. He says if I were intimate with him he would not touch her at all, but I cannot do that. I'm not that type of girl. lol.
He still talks about being with me, says he prays to God continually asking for a way out however sometimes God leaves us in situations for a reason. He tells me sometimes when we find ourselves alone after meetings that if he were able he would marry me tomorrow. My experiences are real; when they first started to happen I would ask him if he was intimate between the hours of X and X and he was blown away, as was I. Now each time, which is not that often but has been lately, he will come to me to apologise. Sometimes I feel so drained, again because I am getting no sleep as long as they are together. I mentioned earlier, "until they leave", that is until he leaves there residence or she leaves his. That's when I am able to settle down again.
I am so grateful for your time...I have considered dating again and have been seeing a very nice gentleman. He is also very caring and my worry is that he may have strong feelings for me and I am unable to receive him as he would like because of this baggage I am carrying. He is an excellent listener as well but I have not trusted him with this information. I may consider doing it though. He might just be able to help me. If I am able to move on, maybe this might go away.
Again thank you. I feel a lot better just having said something to someone else rather then carrying this all alone.
It was driving me crazy! I'm not so crazy after all. Just needed to say something. Thank you again!
and if you come across another situation such as mine, hopefully I will have been delivered by then and may be able to help you to help someone else.
My situation is rare,I'm sure, but it's real. Thanks again and blessings on your future in this line of work. I've actually felt like I was talking to a friend.