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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I have ADD. supplements and straterra have brought me back

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I have ADD. supplements and straterra have brought me back to life. My husband is explosively angry and blame me for making him angry. He is more angry now I am getting better. I never know when he will explode. Afterwards, I am affected with depression for days (yes , under treatments take meds) He says "I have done nothing wrong" then goes on and on on why I think he needs anger management. How do I tell him? note: he is not introspective. he thinks talking therapy is voodoo. I told him about how add works, showed him dyslexia simulations. yesterday he blew up about me writing in books.


I put my thoughts in an email and sent it to him. he refused to read it. HELP

Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through with your husband, and I would imagine this is very frustrating now that you are starting to feel better yourself. It sounds like you are correct that he needs anger management.

There may not be a perfect way to suggest this without him getting upset or defensive. However, it can help to have specific incidents in mind as examples of his anger getting out of control, as opposed to approaching him with more general comments that he needs help with his anger. He may attempt to blame you for causing him to get angry, but even if he has a right to be angry about certain things, he also has a responsibility to handle his anger more effectively. That is the main point of the conversation.

If you are at the point where it is causing you depression and there is this feeling of never knowing when an explosion may occur, then these are very concrete signs that his anger is affecting you, and that he needs help. In general, the more you can stick to the facts and point out the classic signs of anger management problems, the easier it will be to keep the conversation objective and less about how you feel. Sometimes people with anger issues are quick to get defensive and aren't always receptive at first. In general, the more you can keep your cool and stick to the facts, the more likely that he will start to give it some thought in his own time even if he has a hard time hearing this at first.

I know this is not an easy conversation to have and I definitely wish you the best with all of this. If there is anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Hi, I just saw that you made some additions to your original question, so I wanted to add a bit to my original response. It does make it difficult if your husband feels like talk therapy is voodoo, however that doesn't change the fact that these explosions are not normal. To some extent if he refused to read your email and refused to communicate with you about this problem, there may only be a limited amount of control you have over him getting help. There is only so much you can do to help someone until they are willing to admit they have a problem and start to help themselves. If that is not possible, it may unfortunately continue to be an uphill battle.
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