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Hello, I can assist you.
Congratulations on your baby- getting big I bet.
Yes he is the best which happen to me in life. He is almost 18 pounds now.
So smart and everybody love him.
It's an exciting time, being a mom- trying so hard to have him. Are you diagnosed with Postpartum Depression?
Well I thought I had that but my doctor said that it just postpartum anxiety.
What you describe is common after a pregnancy- especially the challenges you had having him.
I just don't understand how can I have these thought of harming him if I love him so much. I feel so guilty. Like I am a worst person in the world and don't deserve such a wonderful child like him.
It does get better- know it's part of the pregnancy- postpartum. It does take time and sometimes trial and error on meds. Your thoughts do not mean actions- assure yourself of that- it is scarey isn't it?
It's not you his mother thinking this- it's chemical- hormonal etc.
Yes it very scary. It got better. At the beginning I though I should commite myself and I felt like my skin was on fire.
But still it so painful. It like it blocking my true connection to my child. I mean he loves me and I love him more when anything but I keep checking myself to make sure that I didn't do anything wrong and keep asking for reasurance from others about that as well.
I know it sounds crazy and I understand that with my mind but not with my thougths.
You love him and will protect him, I'm sure of that. It's just thoughts- but scary yes. Yes- a physical response too- It got better and it will continue to get better with the treatment and support you are getting. This tends to take time- sort of has to run it's course from what I have experienced treating women. Remind yourself it's the "anxiety" talking not you his loving mother.
But it been 9 months. I though by now all the chemicals will be out of my blood. How long dose it usually last?
Seek out as much reassure you can. Find ways to relax- something physical, deep breathing, find something to get your mind off of this-
It seems like just when you think you can not take much more- it begins to ease- no specific time table. If you continue to work with your doctor- it will get better. Are you also in counseling- that can help too.
My doctor seems me once every two weeks and that it.
But I have a support of my family as well.
Remind yourself you are doing the best you can with what is happening- It can feel like it is out of your control- but support is good- that will help you-
When you hear those things in your head- again- remind yourself "there's that anxiety again" It can be triggered by fear- the challenge getting pregnant and all.
Thank you very much for your help.
Finding ways to relax- deep breathing, progressive relaxation. You tube has some excellent guided relaxation videos. Nice music, soothing scenery.
I will. Thank you for your advice.
You are welcome- you will get through this- you are very motivated by the love for your baby.