Hello, I'd like to assist you with your question. Welcome!
Are you available for a live chat?
I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. You are pursuing good things in your life, but it sounds like you are hitting some big obstacles with your anxiety and depression.
Like you said you worked hard to get to your ideal weight, only to gain the weight going back to England.
I will not tell you to eat 5 small meals per day and to exercise- you are right "we all know that" right!! It's what stands in between you and the success you can have that's the issue.
sorry i had a problem with my connecction
You do identify the trigger being coming back to England- is there something in particular that is most difficult being there? Hello- thank you for joining me!
You said "anxiety for the university" this is the type of stuff you have to take a look at- work through, find someone, somewhere to process this.
It's not will power, nor courage- it's identifying the reason you are sabotaging your success, is it depression/anxiety, or is it you not believing you deserve these wonderful things- self worth issues.
Are you having trouble replying- it shows you typing but nothing is posting
i am sabotaging not only my success, but i cant even try hard for anything
The over eating is your attempts to cope with this.
its just a temporary satisfaction
That's where I wonder if it is depression and anxiety and need more assistance to treat it. Eating like many compulsive behaviors is our way to numb out- then it can become part of the problem
Are you afraid of something?
like what? Im afraid of many things
but they dont have to do with eating
Afraid of the failure, do you enjoy your career path, under lots of pressure...
I dont enjoy my career path
this is not what i want to do when i graduate
im not good at it, and i really dont like it
Are you expected or pressured to pursue this career path?
since i have reached masters level, then i have to finish it
but im not pressured to work on it when i graduate
If you truly are not happy in this field of study- it's going against your natural desires, wishes, etc.
i was leaded to this path by my father (he didnt force me) but at the time i was 18, and i didnt have any other path that interested me
i dont even know what i like to do
do you know if the nhs has psychological support for free?
If you dislike it, don't want to pursue it, I can see where the dissatisfaction comes in. Have you had depression and anxiety in the past? Many students start in one area- not really knowing what they want- only to be led to something else.
i have had several times
at least 2-3 times per year
lasting from days to 1 month
Is that the university you are asking about- if they have psychological services? So you are prone to the depression and anxiety- how long have you felt this episode of depression?
Many universities offer good counseling services because of this being so common with college students.
i dont know. in general im not happy! things that would normally make me happy don't (since ages)!
only when i lose weight i gain back my confidence and feel happy but at this moment i feel that i just can't do it
the nhs is the national health care in the UK (sorry i thought you were from the uK)
There can be relief for what you describe- the first step may be to get further evaluated- and a course of treatment can be identified.
But i cannot afford a psychologist
I would encourage you to start with the university for counseling/support services. You are not alone in what you describe.
The counseling may be free???
I dont know if there is such a service at the university but i will ask
I may be part of the services provided to students.
Do you have support?
i live with my boyfriend
You mentioned your boyfriend, anyone else a support to you? Someone you talk to, listens to you, encourages you, cares for you etc.
No i cant speak to anyone about those issues
Because everyone gets tired of listening to this weight problem
its been going on for so many years
i dont even want to talk about it
with friends family etc
It sounds like you need someone to talk to- to help sort this out. It's hard for some people to understand depression and anxiety- they may misinterpreted as "lazy"- may say- "just do it. There is so much more to it.
Keeping all of this in- the struggle etc. can contribute to your feelings of depression and anxiety- vs. "letting them out"
Sounds like a silent, lonely struggle for you- you need others to help you- if not family or friends, maybe a counselor.
You do identify some classic symptoms of depression- hopeless, helpless, over eating, isolating... also anxiety.
Because you have struggled to get yourself going with the diet and exercise- you may need additional help with this. It's not as simple as "just do it", as you have found out.
no its not simple at all
it used to be when i had motivation to go to my boyfriends country for the first time few years ago
but now we live together
im used to him i guess
You know what you want- but there's a hill, maybe a mountain standing in your way. Are you happy in your relationship?
im very happy
this is the only thing im happy about
Good- that's a great thing that can help you through this.
It's that you see all these things you "should" be happy about- but there's that dark cloud following you right now.
You have not asked for this- it's developed over time- and can be triggered by things.
Sometimes we give that depression or anxiety an identity- the dark cloud- then ask what does it want from you, what is it trying to tell you?
Also- our thoughts become really negative- that then becomes part of what feeds this.
Be more aware of the thoughts you are feeding yourself- are you being critical, putting yourself down, telling yourself you are bad in some way etc.
yes i am most of the time
but i just feel powerless thats why
Our perceptions and thoughts can then lead to how we feel. I will often tell people to think - what if a good friend came to you with what you are struggling with- what would you tell her- what can you tell yourself that is more supportive. such as- "I'm doing the best I can, I may need help"
Yes the powerlessness- the brick wall you keep hitting.
Talking to a counselor can help you take a look at your thoughts- help you sort this out. If standard treatment doesn't work- a doctor may recommend medication. It can be a chemical thing too.
Oh i dont like medication
When I say standard treatment , I mean cognitive therapy- working towards correcting our thoughts.
You do not have to take medication.
I will definitely visit a counsellor
The darkness of depression tends to feed those negative thoughts- hopelessness, helplessness.
There is hope!!
yes there is and i hope the counsellor will be able to push me
You can get better- sometimes just finding someone to help you understand this- things to try to get better etc.
thank you so much for your time
You are so welcome- best wishes to you- there are great things ahead for you!
thanks a lot!!
You are welcome- you also take care. Would you be so kind to rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credit? Much appreciated!
Let me know if I can help again.
Thank you for sharing!