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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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Hello, I have been recently been feeling really depressed.

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Hello, I have been recently been feeling really depressed. I have always had a weight problem, few months ago last summer, i was only 5 kgs away from my ideal weight (after losing 35 kgs), and since I came back to England for my Masters course, I have put on 15 kgs! Also, the anxiety for the university is making me eat non-stop, I have let myself go. I live with my boyfriend and he doesnt like the new me at all! I cant find courage to start a diet once again, and the pressure from the course is killing me. When I get sad, i eat. When I get happy, I eat. I am staying a lot of time in the house doing coursework (no time to go out)! Please dont advice me to eat 5 small meals per day and to exercise! I know all this stuff by heart!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I'd like to assist you with your question. Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you available for a live chat?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. You are pursuing good things in your life, but it sounds like you are hitting some big obstacles with your anxiety and depression.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Like you said you worked hard to get to your ideal weight, only to gain the weight going back to England.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you available for a live chat?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I will not tell you to eat 5 small meals per day and to exercise- you are right "we all know that" right!! It's what stands in between you and the success you can have that's the issue.

Customer:

Hi there

Customer:

sorry i had a problem with my connecction

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You do identify the trigger being coming back to England- is there something in particular that is most difficult being there? Hello- thank you for joining me!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You said "anxiety for the university" this is the type of stuff you have to take a look at- work through, find someone, somewhere to process this.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's not will power, nor courage- it's identifying the reason you are sabotaging your success, is it depression/anxiety, or is it you not believing you deserve these wonderful things- self worth issues.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you having trouble replying- it shows you typing but nothing is posting

Customer:

i am sabotaging not only my success, but i cant even try hard for anything

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The over eating is your attempts to cope with this.

Customer:

its just a temporary satisfaction

Jean N/20pluscounts :

That's where I wonder if it is depression and anxiety and need more assistance to treat it. Eating like many compulsive behaviors is our way to numb out- then it can become part of the problem

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you afraid of something?

Customer:

like what? Im afraid of many things

Customer:

but they dont have to do with eating

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Afraid of the failure, do you enjoy your career path, under lots of pressure...

Customer:

I dont enjoy my career path

Customer:

this is not what i want to do when i graduate

Customer:

im not good at it, and i really dont like it

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you expected or pressured to pursue this career path?

Customer:

since i have reached masters level, then i have to finish it

Customer:

but im not pressured to work on it when i graduate

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you truly are not happy in this field of study- it's going against your natural desires, wishes, etc.

Customer:

i was leaded to this path by my father (he didnt force me) but at the time i was 18, and i didnt have any other path that interested me

Customer:

i dont even know what i like to do

Customer:

do you know if the nhs has psychological support for free?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you dislike it, don't want to pursue it, I can see where the dissatisfaction comes in. Have you had depression and anxiety in the past? Many students start in one area- not really knowing what they want- only to be led to something else.

Customer:

i have had several times

Customer:

at least 2-3 times per year

Customer:

lasting from days to 1 month

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Is that the university you are asking about- if they have psychological services? So you are prone to the depression and anxiety- how long have you felt this episode of depression?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Many universities offer good counseling services because of this being so common with college students.

Customer:

i dont know. in general im not happy! things that would normally make me happy don't (since ages)!

Customer:

only when i lose weight i gain back my confidence and feel happy but at this moment i feel that i just can't do it

Customer:

the nhs is the national health care in the UK (sorry i thought you were from the uK)

Jean N/20pluscounts :

There can be relief for what you describe- the first step may be to get further evaluated- and a course of treatment can be identified.

Customer:

But i cannot afford a psychologist

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I would encourage you to start with the university for counseling/support services. You are not alone in what you describe.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The counseling may be free???

Customer:

I dont know if there is such a service at the university but i will ask

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I may be part of the services provided to students.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you have support?

Customer:

hopefully

Customer:

support?

Customer:

i live with my boyfriend

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You mentioned your boyfriend, anyone else a support to you? Someone you talk to, listens to you, encourages you, cares for you etc.

Customer:

No i cant speak to anyone about those issues

Customer:

Because everyone gets tired of listening to this weight problem

Customer:

its been going on for so many years

Customer:

i dont even want to talk about it

Customer:

with friends family etc

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It sounds like you need someone to talk to- to help sort this out. It's hard for some people to understand depression and anxiety- they may misinterpreted as "lazy"- may say- "just do it. There is so much more to it.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Keeping all of this in- the struggle etc. can contribute to your feelings of depression and anxiety- vs. "letting them out"

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sounds like a silent, lonely struggle for you- you need others to help you- if not family or friends, maybe a counselor.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You do identify some classic symptoms of depression- hopeless, helpless, over eating, isolating... also anxiety.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Because you have struggled to get yourself going with the diet and exercise- you may need additional help with this. It's not as simple as "just do it", as you have found out.

Customer:

no its not simple at all

Customer:

it used to be when i had motivation to go to my boyfriends country for the first time few years ago

Customer:

but now we live together

Customer:

im used to him i guess

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You know what you want- but there's a hill, maybe a mountain standing in your way. Are you happy in your relationship?

Customer:

im very happy

Customer:

this is the only thing im happy about

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Good- that's a great thing that can help you through this.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's that you see all these things you "should" be happy about- but there's that dark cloud following you right now.

Customer:

yes exactly

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You have not asked for this- it's developed over time- and can be triggered by things.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sometimes we give that depression or anxiety an identity- the dark cloud- then ask what does it want from you, what is it trying to tell you?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Also- our thoughts become really negative- that then becomes part of what feeds this.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Be more aware of the thoughts you are feeding yourself- are you being critical, putting yourself down, telling yourself you are bad in some way etc.

Customer:

yes i am most of the time

Customer:

but i just feel powerless thats why

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Our perceptions and thoughts can then lead to how we feel. I will often tell people to think - what if a good friend came to you with what you are struggling with- what would you tell her- what can you tell yourself that is more supportive. such as- "I'm doing the best I can, I may need help"

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes the powerlessness- the brick wall you keep hitting.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Talking to a counselor can help you take a look at your thoughts- help you sort this out. If standard treatment doesn't work- a doctor may recommend medication. It can be a chemical thing too.

Customer:

Oh i dont like medication

Jean N/20pluscounts :

When I say standard treatment , I mean cognitive therapy- working towards correcting our thoughts.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You do not have to take medication.

Customer:

I will definitely visit a counsellor

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The darkness of depression tends to feed those negative thoughts- hopelessness, helplessness.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

There is hope!!

Customer:

yes there is and i hope the counsellor will be able to push me

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You can get better- sometimes just finding someone to help you understand this- things to try to get better etc.

Customer:

thank you so much for your time

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are so welcome- best wishes to you- there are great things ahead for you!

Customer:

thanks a lot!!

Customer:

take care!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are welcome- you also take care. Would you be so kind to rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credit? Much appreciated!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Let me know if I can help again.

Customer:

i will

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank you for sharing!

Customer:

thank you!

Jean and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you