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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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i run my own business and seem to be running it into the ground.

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i run my own business and seem to be running it into the ground. taking adhd concerta - but still can't work. I know what i need to do, plan it out at night then when morning comes can't commit to the calls i have to make to make money. I need to sell my services to make money and if don't work soon will go bankrupt in like a couple of months or will need to take out more loans etc.
Its actually been like this since school/college/university - nvr attended regular classes, late/missed assignments etc and now its been happening at work for the past 5-7 years. I know what need to be done, i know how to do it and i can do it well - better than others in my field - but just can't do it ---someone have a solution out there?
i work at like 10% of my potential, and only work like 4 hours just enough to get by. But i know i can make money only if i work hard....but i don't
thanks in advance
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

It sounds like a frustrating situation that you're in. One common reason that a lot of people get stuck in these patterns is because they get trapped in an "all or nothing" mentality. If the days you are planning ahead of time are ones where you would be working a full day or functioning at 100% potential when you've normally only been working partial days at 10%, that can become overwhelming and self defeating, which can be part of the reason why you're having a hard time getting to the point where you want to be.

There are other factors, such as dissatisfaction with your career path, depression, trouble with the medication, as well as other things that can also be contributing to this. If that's the case it can certainly help to work on those things first, and then your lack of motivation may start to take care of itself once the larger problem is resolved. In the short term you may also just need to find a way to get back on track, and make some more money due to your financial situation. Since that has been difficult, the idea would be to make this process easier on yourself by setting some more realistic goals in the short term. If you normally work 4 hours, push yourself a little harder to get it to 5 for a little while, and once you'd adapted to that you can push yourself a little further. The idea is to build some positive momentum that will eventually start to reinforce itself due to the progress you've made.

Considering that you've been through this problem in the past, it may help to draw from those experiences and figure out what helped vs what did not help. If you've overcome those situations successfully, then encorporating a similar strategy may work here too. If you have not overcome this successfully in the past, then at least you know what does not work, and that still gives you a place to start. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Ryan
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


the working 4 hours is per week!! I only put in like 4 hours a week and make +-$10,000 - I want to make way more and be able to provide for my family. Ive only been taking the adhd meds Concerta 18mg for about 3-4 months.


and i do have an all or nothing mentality - how do ichange that? its really frustrating - i read newspapers and news for like 1-2 hour a day, then if i get an idea i research it and then take no action. I don't finish tasks - i start, research, plan what to do and do nothing - how do istart work? even now ive done nothing but read the paper while wating for the answer.


I don't know/think its depression - i am just so lazy. I am not sure what i want to hear - but maybe an experience of somebody who been through this and how they managaed maybe?


the only reason i work for the $10,000 is that my expenses are 10,000 (food, shelter, mortgages, gas, insrurance etc) and i am the only one who works (well just enough) in the house. I tell myself let's work this year and for about 2 years and then take it easy - but its been the same for a long time.


That's why i reaserched and thought it was adhd - went to my family docotr and he gave me the concerta - so now i focus and remember appointments etc - but can't focus on work.


Worst case scenario - if its depression - what can i do for that without taking any meds?


I am accountable to no one - i provide just enough for my family and then stop. I tried to find a career coach life coach to be accountable to but couldn't find anyone. like i said i know/heard what you said before - try a little daily and work on that - but that hasn't helped much. I know i am heading towards ruin if i don't start working - my wife/father family - is all stresses out - i am stressed out - but even then just can't work....your response has not motivated me ( i mean that in a nice way) and i am sitting here knowing in the back of my head that i have to work - but still......I can't change careers because the month i don't make the $10k then everything crashes - so why can't i work 40 hours and make $40-50k a month - I know i can do it - people in my field less smarter but harder working are doing it - why can't i doc?

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Right now it sounds as if you are waiting for some type of mental shift to happen, but that isn't going to happen until you start to take the necessary action that will cause it to happen. I can assure you that many people have had similar problems and have pulled through it, but if you think about all of these problems at once it is easy to become overwhelmed and allow that to paralyze you from taking appropriate action.

By getting organized and setting some reasonable and manageable goals for yourself, you will set yourself up for success. Start going from 4 hours per week to 5 hours per week. To expect to get a sudden burst of inspiration to go from 4 to 40 hours per week is not realistic, but you can start to build up to that as you gradually increase the amount of time spent working. Develop a routine so that you are doing work at the same time every day or week, so that it becomes a normal and expected part of your life. You can change that all or nothing mentality, but it is something that occurs by taking one manageable step at a time rather than trying to make all the changes all at once. The change in perspective will start to occur as a result of that action.

If it is depression, that is extremely treatable through counseling, so there is no reason to assume that you will have to be on medication. Counseling can also help you in working towards these goals, so that is certainly something to consider regardless of whether or not you feel that you are depressed. You obviously have all of the skills and abilities there, it is just a matter of setting yourself up for success and finding the best way to do it. Please let me know if I can be of any more help.

Ryan
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Well thanks for your thoughts. there is no mantra for this i guess?

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
What do you mean?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I mean no easy fix? overall in the past 4-5 months i've changed a whole lot of my habits - used to sleep until 11-12 daily - get up daily at 630to7am, limited dringing to only every 2 weeks (vs daily), less tv etc, but i guess it will change with time - you are right i do paralize myself - because when i work - i work but i also have a huge to do list - everything on my list is always late - i look back at my lists and they are almost identical all the time.


i guess i will try that - tell my self to only work 2-3 hours a day (proper work) instead of trying to aim for the 40hrs and dissappoint myself. Maybe put in 2-3 hours the first week and then increase a hour every week - but again there is no accountability if i don't.


Like i said before - i penalize myself (cut driniking, waking early, less tv, etc) but now there is nothing left to penalize except my laziness i guess.


i look at my wife and she is focused (she takes care of the kids, up at 6am, makes breakfast, gets them ready for school, then i drop them off and "pretend to work at the office - which i feel so guilty aboout when i don't), she will then clean the house, wash clothes etc, then goes to pick up one at 1130 from Sk an then feeds her etc etc, then goes to pickup the other one at 330, then feeds him, starts dinner and washes dishes etc - and me on the other hand sit at the office - try to work - which doesn't always happen, then come home at 6 and eat sleep. She does so much daily and only work like a hour a day - i mean its enough to provide - sorry my wife came was talking to her about this - and i think we (the 3 of us together ) have figured it out. --well i was saying its enough to provide but not enough to enjoy life (vacations, less monetary stress, maybe a bogger house, hv the cars).


But here is what i was thinking as a solution - its much like what you said - to work only 1-3 hours at the office (but will come with the focus to work for that time nothing else and then go home), so if work from 10-1pm or so, then go home at 1pm and be lazy but no tv etc - maybe then will pickup the boy from school, go to gym etc, maybe even say shit i am bored of doing nothing why not work for about 30 minutes etc - so instead of being at the office from 10-6pm and do almost nothing, will come in for 1-3 hours and do only work then go home - what do you think?

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
I agree that it's all about setting yourself up for success rather than aiming for 40hrs and becoming disappointed, which only adds to that overwhelming feeling. It sounds like over the past 4-5 months you've made a lot of positive changes, and now rather than penalize yourself any further, you can start to put a plan in place that will build some positive momentum and give yourself credit for the improvements you're making. When you're accountable to no one but yourself, it's important to have a structure in place that is practical and works for your life, and once you see that generate some positive results, it won't be such a struggle to find that motivation.

The approach that you've suggested makes a lot of sense, and if you are able to go to work for a limited amount of time, but only focusing on work while you're there, that's going to start to create some good habits. Once you get in the mindset of only doing work while you're at work, then if you decide to increase the time spent at work, it won't be such a struggle because that is the routine you will have already established.

I would try to avoid making too many comparisons to your wife or anyone else that is going to start making you feel bad about yourself. While you can look to her for inspiration, beating yourself up about the things you haven't done/should be doing is only going to make you feel worse and make it harder to get going in the right direction. Having her on board as part of the solution though can be a big help. There's probably no easy fix that will deliver sudden inspiration, but the approach that you have suggested is a very practical way to start making this easy on yourself. You may have to make periodic adjustments along the way, but it sounds like the beginnings of a good plan for your success. I certainly hope it all goes well. All the best,

Ryan

Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Individual and Family Therapist
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