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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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Hi, I have been in contact with an old boyfriend

Resolved Question:

Hi, I have been in contact with an old boyfriend for the past two years via FB. I saw him in person a couple of times for maybe and hour or two at most. I am married and was having serious marriage problems. He told me that he couldn't be there to help me get through my divorce that he's seeing a therapist himself and just couldn't handle the stress. I still FB him. I have asked him numerous times to block me if I annoy him. I have said inappropriate things like "it was always and only him" and that "I love him".He hasn't blocked me and he reads my messages. But he's never responded. why isn't he blocking me but reads my message and never responds. is he allowing me in his life but on a limited basis. help me to understand.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

Perhaps a male perspective would help.

 

Most men, unlike women who are often very emotionally up front about feelings and thoughts in relationships, tend to play more cautious and open about their feelings. By telling you that he is having emotional issues himself, he lowers expectations for himself over what he could or can do for you. I am not saying this is an excuse for him, but it does give him and out. Yet, he still leaves open the read feature of your messages on FB.

 

This type of behavior has a name. It is called relationship exploration and limitation. Males do this to leave a crack in a door that might turn into something, but at the same time are unwilling or unable to commit more seriously.

 

My thoughts...take your time with him. You can write him on FB and know he reads your thoughts. You can keep him updated as to your relationship situation as well. When he feels that the circumstances are more stable, then he may commit to speaking with you and developing something. In the mean time, he has not shut the door and this is a good sign. Take it for what he is able to give and know that he is just hesitant most likely due to caution and concern about his own limitations. If he was totally uninterested in you he would not be reading the FB posts. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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Steven Olsen
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Mental Health Professional
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More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education