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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Bored Life. :(

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am 23 year old guy. Let's just explain brief what I've been trough. In University, I was so happy, I am studying a commerce degree, actually it's not the education that I wanna do, but I do it from the suggestion from my parents, and friends, and I think it's a useful thing. However, since it's not my area of interest, I couldn't make it good, and always seeing a unsatisfactory mark even I studied like hell, it's sort of making me sad. In 2010, I have got a relationship with a girl, but the mother, is sort of materialistic, since I am a student, not rich, and not productive, she doubt me, and many problem comes and we split up. It making me very angry and depressed, maybe because i put too much trust on her. In 2011, I worked for PWC a big company right? Then graduate from my uni, and been working in Sydney Australia. During the work time, I am pretty happy because I got the job, good pay, the thing is, i felt very lonely that time. I live alone, most of my friends have been going back home to their home country, and in the work place i only met old people. It makes me really depressed and I got a severve acne, that really break down my confident and self esteem. At the end of the year, i decided to go back, becuase i just couldnt take it anymore, with my lonely life, broken face. In 2012, I went to the best dermatologist to fix my face, it's been a year, and it's not clear up as I expected but it's getting better, but still sometimes it makes me very sad to meet up the people. In my home country, I live alone with my parents, and have some friends here. Then i think that during my time to fix my face, i help my parent's business, beside I make a pharmacy in my city. I can tell that making a very big business is my ambition in life, and by helping my parents, and growing up the busines it makes me rich easily. In 2012, as well, I always go out using a concealer to hide up my acne, because i had low self esteem by not using that, and I knew that it's wrong to use that, because I am a guy, and it affect me to do activities, such as sport and things, and basically it impact me with my relationship with friends. THe problem, with my parent, working, it's a good time. But i become abit slack, and not productive like i used to be. Maybe because i felt insecure about my face, and my parents have a high expectation on me. And Ive tried my best, XXXXX XXXXX I'm not a pro yet, they like to scold me, in a very rude way to me. Then when I can't take it, we always fight and arguing each other. In 2013, January, my face is clearer (still have got some pimples around) and my self esteem is low without concealer actually, but i decided to not using it because i felt emberaassed of using that stuffs. And the problem is, i sort of boring with my life in my city, yes the business is still my goal, but I wanna do a master degree to equip my self with more knowledge. I wanna do the master degree so bad, because I felt very bored in my city, and I am afraid to not having a girlfriend, since working here I couldnt met new people, beside I also wanna learn in a new environment. But my sister, my parents didnt let me.. I need your suggestion, should I do master? or I need to stayin in my city and reach my goal, even i bored, and got some insecurity with relationship in future? How can I increase my self esteem and confidence with this broken face? :( Thanks.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

Thank you for all the information you provided. I am sorry that you have struggled so long with acne. It does seem like you have tried very hard to overcome the embarrassment of your face and keeping with the medical treatments seems to know be working. Hurra.

Dr. L :

*Hurrah.

Dr. L :

It does seem that you are suffering from low self-esteem and that it would be very helpful for you to be working with a psychologist to increase your self-worth and to address the pain and hurt from the past.

Dr. L :

I like your idea of getting a master's degree! I agree that it will give you advantages in the work world. It will also allow you to be around a new set of people and to be energized by a new environment, new challenges, and new information.

Dr. L :

What are the objections of your sister and parents to going to earn a master's degree? You are a young person...you have years to reach your goal! And the additional education, opportunity to be around new people...all of these are important for your mental health!

Dr. L :

From what you have written, it does seem that where you are living now is stifling...and that you are losing energy for life....that is unfortunate.

Dr. L :

Again, I think seeing a psychologist would be very helpful in terms of your self-esteem and confidence.

Dr. L :

I see you are standing by...would you please read what I have written and then let's chat.

Dr. L :

Thank you.

Customer:

The first objection is because I have made a business that worth around $ 250,000, and I need to control the business, and my actual goal is making a big company. But im thinking with that kind of situation that I've been trough, I need to equip my self first with self condifence, mental health and knowledge for being an entrepreneur, since I really wanna do that.

Customer:

But by going out from the city, leaving the business, it will slow down the process.

Customer:

and add more work to my parents, adn it seems egoistic from me to them.

Dr. L :

I see the dilemma now.

Customer:

yeah it is.

Dr. L :

Well, it seems that you have two main choices:

Dr. L :

1. Please your parents by staying in the city and continuing to build the company. Which at this point is doing quite well because of your efforts! Congratulations!

Dr. L :

2. Equip yourself with the educational, mental health, and social components so that you can feel competent and confident.

Customer:

yeah.

Customer:

i felt stuck.

Customer:

which one do u prefer actually?

Customer:

well, after graduate from oversea, I will go back to my city anyway. but it seems not good for them.

Dr. L :

I understand your parent's position...they see you as doing very well and don't want to see the company shrink because you are not their running it.

Dr. L :

I prefer that you take care of YOU. Option #2

Customer:

actually, the company will be fine. because we work in a team, and my parents also review my actions.

Customer:

but the matter is, they need me to be very firm.

Dr. L :

If you stay in the city for your parents, over time you will resent being held back and that will cause a break down in your relationship with them. At the same time, you will not have an opportunity to address your mental health issues...and you are likely to feel less and less confident and self-assured. That will have a detrimental impact on the business.

Customer:

like not going here and there.

Customer:

yeah. I will try to re-thinking again.

Customer:

anyway thanks for the advice.

Dr. L :

If the company will be fine without you...then I encourage you to take care of YOU. As you say...you will return to the city and pick up where you left off. However...you will be wiser, and your sense of self will be much improved.

Dr. L :

You have your entire life in front of you. From a psychological perspective, the sooner your self-esteem increases the easier it will be for you to reach your dreams.

Dr. L :

Your parents may not like your decision...but you have the right to decide what is best for you.

Customer:

What's your suggestion for telling them?

Dr. L :

Is there any last thing I can help you with tonight?

Customer:

like just briefly tell them?

Customer:

i think they know what i think already.

Dr. L :

I would sit them down and say, "Mom and Dad I love you very much.

Customer:

Well, okay, thank you with the advices.

Customer:

that's enough for now.

Dr. L :

I know you want me to stay here and I understand your point of view. But I must improve myself and only by improving myself will I feel strong, secure, and confident."

Customer:

thanks

Customer:

goodluck on you !

Dr. L :

You are welcome!

Dr. L :

Good luck!

Dr. L :

Take care! Good night.

Customer:

yep

Dr. L :

Bye for now.

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Dr. L
Dr. L
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Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist