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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I am a woman and have been dating a woman for 18 months and

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I am a woman and have been dating a woman for 18 months and we are moving in together next week. We are deeply in love and are planning a life together. I am the first woman that she has been with and was married previously to a man. Her parents (whom she has had a troubled relationship with historically) are visiting from India having just heard of her divorce they came to take care of her. They have been here for a week and are staying one more. Before they came, she was talking about telling them about us... they have no idea that she is gay. She was considering different ways to tell them but was very very afraid of losing their love and their reaction, they are very conservative and culturally this is very taboo. I told her to take her time, to have an adult visit with them, enjoy them ... let it happen when it is supposed to. However, i am regretting that... I have been staying at my house since they came, have not been able to talk to her, only text and only able to see her when she sneaks out for an hr with a lie about where she is going... and then only 2x. I miss her a ton... but more than that I am really hurt that I am left out of this visit. This is the woman I love and will be with forever and she feels the same but... they are having a very bonding visit and I am not a part of it at all. But worse... they only come every 2 yrs and this will be the last time for a long time she will the opportunity to tell them about us. I know in my heart she is committed to me... but... I am very hurt, sad and miss her. I am having trouble dealing with feeling this way and do not want to put this guilt on her... thus i am reaching out for advice.

So far you have handled this very well. You are giving her space to work this out in their own time. If you rush things you may find that they are more resistant than if you allow things to play out. Taboos are very powerful and she needs to work out how to tell them and how to include you. Since these are her parents, she needs to decide on her strategy. She will decide on how to tell them. I know it is asking for a lot but you have to let her handle this situation. You are feeling this way because you want this relationship but you have to let it play out. She has made a commitment so don't let impatience ruin it. You will look like a very understanding partner if you work with her on guiding this process. When she feels ready she will let you know. You have to trust your partner.

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