Thanks that was really helpful. I can see that I'll have to work for it, and I'm seeing that being socially incompetent doesn't have to be a big deal. I don't have to freak out about it and I can start learning.
So I do freak out a lot - i'm experiencing a lot of anxiety. I need to calm down somehow. I've been smoking weed to try and help with this. It helps me see more clearly and notice more about my experience. Which sometimes increases my shame about it - I guess i come out of the denial that I'm usually in. I think it's a good thing because if i'm not aware of what i'm doing I can't really change it.
Do you know of any findings or studies on the effects of weed on people with bipolar I? I wonder if it's a viable medicine for this. I have talked to my psychiatrist - he doesn't think it's a good idea. But I'm looking for other opinions because I have evidence that it has positive effects for me.