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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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HI for steve olsen hi steve, so the evening went ok with

Customer Question

HI for steve olsen

hi steve, so the evening went ok with rob, we had dinner and bathed the children without incident, kate seemed over tired so he too her upstairs and i guess he fell asleep too, he got up to go to the bathroom, but ithought he was returning downstairs as it was only about 945.. i suggested we have sex and he said oh im exhausted, i was sleeping and got up to use the bathroom. i said oh ok.. i felt kind of stupid to be honest. i mean even if youre tired its been a long time, so i d think most men would trade sleep for sex, but. well i guess he either isnt attracted to me enough, or he is very tired?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am the Moderator for this topic. Steve is not available right now, but I have sent him a message to follow up with you here, when he comes back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience!

Camille

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

Hi Liz. Thanks for the new question.

 

In my experience, as a therapist, it is never easy for a woman to feel good about herself when she puts her emotional self on the line and asks to have sex, and then is rejected. I think men expect that outcome (50%+) and grow accustomed to it. But for a woman that rejection is a different thing.

 

Now I will say that experiencing what you did does not mean that Rob does not love you, or care about you; or that he finds you unattractive. Indeed he may be simply tired and worn out from all the stress of the baby and life and the new job and the...there is lot, let's just say that.

 

But when all else fails, talk to him. Let him know you felt hurt about not being accepted and that you are unsure if he cares. He probably has no idea about what this meant to you, so I would suggest asking. And, I really do feel that he was exhausted and really didn't care. I remember this time in my own life and recall the weird combination of exhaustion and worry and sort of depressed emotions that come with it. For Rob, I do not think it is meaningful as far as how he feels about you. And if you feel sad about it, ask him. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hey steve.


i lost my whole ans due to my computer crashing. i did respond to your asking if i was all right and i said i was ok and just busy.. i dont know why its not on the response now...


how are you? hows your mom? is she going for her surgery?


 


anyway we cleaned up the laundry room. not completely, i still have work to do in there if u can believe it. i listed a whole bunch of stuff on ebay and im already regretting it. i have jerkoffs who are trying to lowba.ll me even more when i have like really low prices on kates clothes.. i have soem bids already thank god, but this one chick keeps emailing me, like i have a one piece jumper for 8.99. she wants to bargain me down more on a janie and jack piece. i always regret dealing with these jerks. n therell be one person wholl be like i want a refund. it didnt come, theres a thread loose, some crazy shit.


 


rob mentioned sex on fri. i said sure youre having sex, like i have the hance of sleeping thru the night.. he said oh why dont i kep the 2 kids down here on the couch and you sleep in the bed by yourself? i did, but i realize its not just my incision, its the bed too. the mattress that ive barely slept on is too firm. ill have to buy afoam or feather topper. im kicking myself we didnt get a soft bed. we got the medium but it hurts me alot. i wake up like every hr or so to change position.. its so painful... and we didnt have sex. i didnt offer and he didnt kmention it again for the whole weekend. and i wont be for sure..


 


i went to a mommy n me gathering fri. while i was there, jen told me her and her husband hadnt had sex since the last one was conceived and shes 6 months old. i said what? get the f**k out. and then i said you know her husband makes alot of money.. she told me like 160k a year.. i was thinking.. ill trade places.. no sex and he makes 160k? just sell their house and get to abetter neighborhood... hmm.


anyway i told her when he goes to sleep that night wait like 30 min or so so hes really asleep. and then i wud wake him up, and say look if youre thinking were going to have sex, you can just forget it. and then just lay down and face away from him. the girls were all laughing..


then i told her or just after he falls asleep.. well u start with him. then when hes ready wake him up.. they were howling.


she said isnt that rape? i said not in my court of law...


 


as far as tmm1. he texted me on friday nighta t alike 1130 pm. so are you up? i didnt answer.


tmm2. hes been texting me all day.


 


meanwhile andrew scared the crap out of me. he slept thru the night last night. i was waiting for him o wake up he ate at like 10pm so at mn when i was ready for bed, i was like oh forget it ill wait for him. i guess i fell asleep at 2.. thats the last time i rememeber the time.. i woke up in a panic at 4am and andrew was sleeping on his litlle pillow.. so cute..


he got up at 5am.. i sat there like staring at him. trying to comprehend since kate didnt even sleep thru the night. she got up at 430am crying needing a bottle..


 


meanwhile robs mother called on fri saying shed let rob stay over on mon and tue nights in queens so he wouldnt have to try to get the kids back and forth. i was like ok thats sounds good... i told rob whos like no. i dont want to. i old him its going to be hard and im nervous about him doing it. he said hes nervous too but he dosnt want to sleep on an aero bed and he wants to watch tv and not deal with them after work.


 


i didnt get back to her and she called today and said shes very worried about it theres supposed to be snow fri- i looked its 1 to 3 inches.. not exactly blowing my skirt up.. she said that robs a good father but hes not a mother (i refrained from saying oh hes a mother... a mother f**ker..)


so anyway shes very worried and shed feel safer since andrews so little. i said well i was back to work for 2 weeks at this point with kate..


she didnt seem to have anything to say with that. i finally got her off the phone and told her id ask him again.


 


meanwhile i am worried about going back. tomorrow is employee health already. i keep telling myself itll be ok. but im not so sure. i really dont trust that place. and of course worried ill be in a bad situation again. i am going to cover my ass no matter what dr a says for sure. im not going down the bad road with him.. let sd/c people who are confused. ill tell peter to his f**king face im not falling for other peoples shit too. god i dont want to go to employee health. and its early in the am and i have to bring the kids.


 


 


 

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

Been a while Liz. Glad to see that you seem to be doing alright. I was concerned there for a while as I had not heard from you in several days.

 

My mother is slightly confused, definitely anxious and I feel discouraged that she has to do all this Miralax bowel prep the day prior to surgery. She reacts so harshly to this sort of thing and she has to take the whole 8oz bottle of the powder, no exceptions as the doctors and nurses have warned. Sigh. I just hope she handles this okay.

 

Ebay can be wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I ignore people who try to beg for lower prices and just say it is a bidding site, go bid. Usually if you list for w week, get delivery confirmation on the package, and take good pics of the items you are mostly safe. Plus you can always say that returns are not accepted.

 

At the risk of sounding like a male advocate: sex is important to a relationship. I am not surprised at all about Jen's arid marriage, but yours, a little. It sure seems like a new feather topper is in order. If that is what it takes to help restore sex in your marriage, among other things, why on earth is Rob not at the store already? lol Seriously, I think, in my humble professional opinion, that you are hurt by how he has acted. Kindness makes a man attractive, and Rob has had limited success in that area lately. His choice. But I think he should talk about sex with you and the issues that are preventing it. (You really would take more money over sex?)

 

Male rape you say? That sounds like foreplay to me. Really. What is wrong with that? Most men I know would think that was a great deal...wake up to a woman, already having sex with you.

 

tmm1 and 2 both seem as though the obsession bug has hit them hard. I can get tmm1 but tmm2 seems like his is more about a physical connection than the emotional mess that tmm1 brings to the table. Are you answering them?

 

Gee, Rob's mom wanting to control the situation with the children and having Rob stay over her home...and you wonder why this man has issues with control and sexuality? Holly crap. Your mil seems a master at this subtle stuff. I do grasp why Rob would be hesitant. There is an overtone of mom's boy for him and control of the children too. It does not jump off the page, but it is interesting. I am certain that you will be able to return to work and be totally safe at this point (physically at least). But mil saying all of these things about weather and risk. Sounds like a smoke screen for some other agenda to me. She is a tricky one, that mil.

 

Who in their right mind would want to go to employee health in the early morning with the kids? That is depressing. You are not alone there. Just reading that is miserable. By the time you read this it will be over so how did it all go? And, I do know that you will be careful with what you say and do. You are seasoned with the nonsense of what the hospital does so you will not fall easily for a snowstorm of garbage. Give yourself some credit. You are with it when it comes to insight. Steven

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi steve. im answering one part of your post quickly trying to get t you before your mom needs to do the prep.


i used to prep pts for bowel surgery all the time and heres a trick.


usually they tell pts to do the prep like 5 or 6pm the night before. if this is the case, start earlier and all directions like only clear liquids 4 hrs earlier. so say like 1 or 2pm. she can drink half of it. if her bowel is clear, and im talking several movements of pale yellow to clear. dont drink anymore. also i like to tell pts all on their own without drs instructions to eat lightly the day before so you dont have as much stool. yeah gross, but were on the subject. so no steak dinner the night before. its usually best to eat vegatbles/ salad, even soup is ok. like hearty chicken soup and toast.. etc. so the bowel will be less - then the next day light breakfast - toast , fruit, yogurt, cereal even.


by lunch - like if shes starving - soem are - some arent - let her eat more or the same of what she had for breakfast. like 11am or so. by 1 or 2 its clear liquid. so she can drink the miralax and of course jello, clear broth, sprite, gingerale, vodka,...(hey its clear right? i told that to the postpartum nurses.. i know you guys have hooch back there! go share with me. they were dying..) and i do let my pts cheat the day before with coffee only with sugar. (i think they cheat more and put the milk too. but i tell them drink the goddam coffee theyre such crabs without caffeine.)


anything you can see thru is clear. see? its easy.


so lets say she drinks miralax at 1pm, if at 6pm shes clear. shes done. hopefully itll all be over.. (by the way - miralax is the smaller prep. they make younger pts do the golytely. which i call. go heavily..) ok if she not clear. that would suck. well then she has to do the 2nd half of the prep. shes not off schedule b/c she should be re evaluating this at the time the surgeon originally told her to start. so shell be ahead of the game no matter what.


then she should finish the prep. at 12mn shes npo - nothing to eat or drink at mn if the surgery is in the am. if its the afternoon, she can continue with clear liquids for breakfast time.


if she does only half the prep. she should tell them she did the whole freaking thing. b/c they wont take her to the or. but any good surgeon will tell you once theyre clear. and for several times.. theyre done.


i hope this helps. it works i promise. i did it for years on the surgery floor with the little old folks esp the ladies who barely eat anyway. its crazy to make them be up all night and drinking the prep thats way too much honestly.


and if your mom normally takes any antianxieties or like an ambien well she shud def do it the night before...


shes stopped any anticoagulants 2 weeks before?


and she should take all the rest of her meds. unless otherwise directed by her dr.


anyway i hope this helps. and i swear. dont dont tell the dr or the nurses, or anyone at the hospital b/c any one of them may pull the brake on the surgery saying they dont agree. the nurses used to do this on the down low until a pt told on us. and they agreed with it. (soem of them..) and we knew who we could tell and who we couldnt..


 

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

heres the rest of my answer... i just go back from the employee health thing. what adisaster. the pa there made me undress and checked my wound and my abd. and gave me a hard time about my lump (yes i have a lipoma from pushing with kate on my pelvis..its just aweakness in the wall. and its filled with fat tissue. i have to see plastics about it once i decide i am done having children. my ob told me to leave it alone til then b/c it could recur if i have to push again... or right next to it.. etc.) so the pa was saying i may need to be cleared by a surgeon before i go back. i told her my ob is a surgeon and he has checked me its not a hernia. ive had it since i had kate. i tried to explain.. but i was so embarassed and i didnt know it would be such a thorough check. i mean my surgeon is following me and my wound. they dont need to see it. she saw i had heavy vag bleeding and also asked about my hemoglobin and asked when my last period was and if i could be pregnant again. and i feel like.. well. like they broke the law asking me that i swear.


she finally agreed to clearing me, telling em to see one of our surgeons.. yeah sure. right away.. ill see plastics thx.. i have a plastic surgeon in the city who snamed in the whos who in top drs for ny. and me and him worked together for years.


 


then i wanted to take kate to the playground at burger king sinc eits indoors. i got everything out - shes the last thing including anDrew and she soaked thru her diape rto her leggins. so before i could say we werent going to go in b/c she had to be changed she freaked and said her boo boo is hurting and she cant play. i asked her what boo boo but she was hysterical and full melt down..) thats literally in the time from pulling inot the parking lot i showed her the play place while in the car waiting to turn and she said yeah! i tried to calm her. then i put everything away and went thru the drive thru (they completely screwed up our order..) and when we were driving away she said no i need to play!!! i took her home to change her and i left andrew sleeping in the car i was going to just run her in and change her and she decides in the house no she wants to stay home. after i change her. so i say fine and went and got andrew. but this is like by 11 15am all this went on. ill tell ya steve i was exasperated.


 


you know whats weird? jens husband chris - well kim (the one who went out with dr b..) said that she thought he was gay. so i asked if she ever said that to jen. so she said no of course not. so when she brought all this up i just threw it out there. do u think hes gay? laughing.. i quickly recovered and said oh i tell rob that whats the matter youre gay? jen didnt flinch. so then of course i texted kim and told her i said that and she said oh you bitch.. lol.


 


and would i take more money over sex. well yeah why not?


id get her husband to have sex. no worries there. i dont think jen makes it like.. she tries to entice him. so i fi was f**king determined... well he would. i think i could get him to have sex with me now. in our present current marriages. he danced with me at the hosp xmas party last yr... and well i thought he liked it. i could be wrong of course.


 


as far as the start (getting them aroused...) while theyre asleep.. well ive done that to rob and hes always seemed to like it.


speaking of all this sex. im going to get the iud. i think the mirena.


 


rob doesnt know of my plan to get a foam or feather topper. and hes not in the store for much unless i tell him go get this and heres a coupon..


 


tmm1 has not texted since the time i mentioned in the last post. and no i didnt answer him.


maybe our re connection was enough to knock the rose colored glasses off his big dumb head.


i mean since we kind of fought.


 


tmm 2. he texted me and yes i responded all day.


hes funny... and 41..


the prick thought i was only 2 yrs younger than him. so now hes being punished.


 


anyway, i dont know why his mom is acting this way. and rob is very much not a mommas boy. she said since hes little he didnt like to be hugged and didnt want any help. which is why (i think) she got way too involved with the other one and enables him with his bullshit.


when i told rob that his mom said that hes not a mother... rob said it was insulting. i said oh look at you all indignant. i said im insulted every day and you dont give a shit. he said nothing to that, but.. well ey let him get his panties all in a bunch.


and he asked me oh when do you go back? i said uh sunday. he said next sunday? i said no this one. he said he thought it was the following week and i said well andrew will be 8 weeks tomorrow.


 


steve, im worried that andrew will think i left him if he all of a sudden doesnt see me for 3 days. theres no way to explain it to him, and when i went back with kate she saw me at night for feedings as i was on days. i just really dont like it.


rob said that hell be there and he said he is going to miss you and also said andrews a mommas boy. 9this is better than when i went back with kate and he said kate would never know the diff if i was there or not, whichh really got me pissed. )


anyway botXXXXX XXXXXne im worried hell think i abandoned him.


 

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.
Hi liz...be back in a moment to answer you. Steven
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

First, let me say that I am very grateful for the medical advice. I am concerned that the Miralax would be too much for my mother in the full dose as prescribed, and no one listened to me when I asked that question. But if she can take the laxative until she has a clear bowel movement and then stop, so much the better. The whole point is to clear the bowel and if it is clear, why prolong that agony. Thank you! And, I will not tell anyone of this.

 

BTW She takes no medication...none, nothing. Will not. She should be on procardia and a acid reducer but does she take these things? Nope. So she is good to go in that way.

 

Employee health sounded like a total stress mess. I can't believe they put you through this when a doctor's clearance should be enough. We have people here who return without anything and they do heavy work and no one says a word. I can't (maybe I can) believe that your employer is that strict. And to refer you to one of the hospital surgeons for the lipoma? Hmm, I agree. I would run the other way to a plastics expert as fast as I could, once the third child issue is settled.

The pregnancy question is, I guess medically necessary in such a review, but it is really cutting the law very close. I could easily argue that this information is private and a violation of your rights as an employee. (HR and the like is simply barbaric in some cases isn't it?)

 

Kate is acting just normal, but at the worst time. Why is it that kids melt down when you are in desperate need for them to be on their best behavior? I have been through that same episode with my own, but it never makes it easier. Tantrums (or whatever these particular odd emotional episodes can be called) are rough, even if you do get that the child is tired, or getting ill or frustrated. It just makes you want to pull your hair out. "Why, oh why", is a common reaction to this stuff. Not what you needed.

 

That was a blunt outing of a man (or attempted) with Jen. Sad, but darkly funny. There are many men who are bisexual whose wives never had a clue. Therapy offices are filled with these stories so it is a possibility. You just never know. But I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. If the vibe is being picked up...okay, but Jen has enough to worry about I think. (I know)

 

Considering that you cannot do some of the other forms of birth control the IUD seems reasonable and can be quickly reversed if you find that you want to have another child. You don't want to tell Rob or haven't got around to it yet?

Foam topper? Go for it...but unless you are allergic there is nothing better than a feather one, down feathers even more. You think you died and went to heaven.

Tmm1 will be back but I think you did take him down a peg or two. He isn't a realistic person and a fight will certainly make him think about that.

 

tmm2...okay...why keep that contact? What is it doing for you? This man; you are not with him for a reason, so why engage in contact with him. Nostalgia is a bad reason and he is way too opportunistic for my comfort.

 

I never ever though that Rob was a momma's boy. He is not, clearly. But he is the victim of a masterful manipulative woman who tries to get what she wants in a crafty sort of way. That can play with a boy's mind and give all sorts of double messages. That control is the most powerful by the way and I have no doubt that Rob suffered because of it.

 

Andrew and your work return. Yes, Andrew will miss you, for certain. He has bonded with you and you with him. The good news is that this level of bonding is not going to fracture with a return to work. It would take a week or more of no contact to do that and even then it would be just the preliminary stages of the dissolving bond.

 

True, Andrew will feel you apart from him. But it is not a major departure and he is at an age where he will learn the new routine and expectation of contact very quickly. He should not have abandonment feelings at this level of separation. Some say even more strong bonds will develop because there will be somewhat of a increased time away with a schedule being created.

 

Yes, it is hard to do this, but he will do well and you also. But I won't minimize it. That separation will be hard for your both that first week, especially days two and three. Steven

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

HI steve


im glad the advice with the prep you found helpful. she should be fine with half of the prep. either way have her do it early and im hoping someone will be there to help her to and from the bathroom? maybe also for company? i dont know if kate or your oldest girl would be able to do it? and i dont know if your mom would be embarassed with you being there and her doing this prep...?


and it cant be just one clear bowel movement. if you tell me 3 (or more..) its good.


 


jens husband.. sh says he sas hes tired. i know they have 3 kids, but.. well guys like to have sex... i would think once in a while 30 min wouldnt be out of the question for sex.


he doesnt seem like a marine push up guy (hes very overweight..) or like a tough guy - lthough he does a good like mafia tough guy impression to an extent. like i asked rob does he seem like a tough guy? a gay guy? what are your thoughts? and he said he seemed kind of like a nerd. (hes an IT guy..) he didnt seem nerdy to me..


i did it just cuz i found it amusing that i got to say it before kim could and i rubbed her nose in it. and she did laugh..


 


i have tried to converse with rob about the iud. he is somewhat aware as its not like im keeping it from him, i told him i was thinking of getting it but i have been met with silence, blank stares etc. i told him the risks to my fertility.. and hes said nothing to that too. i told him the risk of losing my fertility is low. i think it depends if your dr is skilled and i think mine is b/c he suggested it.. i have thought of it.. like the iud is common amongst female health care providers - mds and nurses.. but i told gina from mommy and me and she said her sil n a friend hers both have it and they said they love it.


i normally dont have heavy periods but i guess i have changed from andrew or the c section and well ive been bleedng for the last 2 days extremely heavy with clots etc and ive only stopped a few weeks ago after 5 weeks of heavy bleeding. so i think i need to do the mirena as opposed to copper with no hormones and heavier periods resulting.


i called and left a message for them at the office saying i had an appt, and i wanted to let him know i wanted the mirena. im sure the ins overs it - since this is much cheaper than having achild (esp since i saw my hosp bill is 33k by myself. not including andrews nursey care and not including my obs bill...)


 


tmm1. well well see if he contacts again.


tmm2. we met at my old job we worked together alot - he was the ehad of IT there and i was a charge nurse.. we always flirted and we both had children at the same time as when i had kate, (we both had miscarriages after at the same time.. his wife lost twin boys. i was the late miscarriage..) and his wife had a child in the spring last year.


anyway he lost his job a few months after me and told me some insider stuff at management stuff - like how they alleged i had missed a pts skin integrity - i wrote intact the pt scratched herself and had a scratch on her back that night according to the night nurse. shes a walking talking person in her 50s and i dont undress them unless theres an issue.. cuz im normal..) anyway he got fired b/c they were having him put the whole system of a new computer system - it takes like 18 months of a ton of work apparently and then they were going to fire him and his team after he got it going for a company you call when theres a problem but theres no one in house to fix the computer so to me that means itll be broken for freaking days. so i dont know if he resigned or what .. but i knwo he found thta out and he was super pissed. anyway hes adopted, grew up on long island, and witty... we had lots of good times and were at the top of our games while we were there. i think hes having a har time with this new gig to an extent.. and im def no one at my job. he knows im in the er now, but to him he said all what happened to me was bullshit and so was what happened to him too.


he likes to fish and play pool (yes very freudian i guess) and he works alot. i think if we had both been singlei think we may have beEn interested in each other. he told me yest that he always liked me.. (i didnt ask any decoding of in which way etc..) and he said that he thought i was extremely sexy while preg with kate. (when i said soemthing about being yucky and post partum now. he said you put on a few from the kids. so?) he also mentioned i had a very pretty face.. he tried to ask me soem leading questions that i dont think i gave him any satisfaction with ans.. like about where i wanted this to go.


 


today my friend kathy and i spoke for 3 1/2 hrs to plan her disney trip. her parents are paying for her family to go by themselves. theyre borrowing the disney stroller. her husands been out of work o and off the last few yrs. hes at this job for less than a yr so e doesnt get paid vac time, so the 2 of them asked her parents for spending money. she said he wont get paid for the week hes taking off since hes thre less than


 


anyway, ill tell you. i just dint want to leave andrew.


 


meanwhile i had this dream, i woke up and andrew hadnt woken of course i checked on him and he wasnt breathing, i yelled for rob and he called 911 and it was so vivid i woke up crying, andrew died. i keep checking on him of course. but it was like paramedics in my house and everyone telling me there was nothing that could be done, and well its gotten me upset. it was disturbing.


 


ive been trying to put it out of my mind, and i do for awhile, but it keeps coming back.

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

Yes, your advice was very well taken and I needed to hear something like that. I will make sure she is "clear" in the process before she stops the dosing. Thanks

 

Jen's husband: Well, the issue that comes immediately to mind is his weight. The more body fat a man has the more estrogen, and the less testosterone. He may be simply, uninterested. I have met some men who are not gay but have little to no sex drive. That reduction of sexual drive is most often associated with obesity. But the worst part is that a trip to a urologist or even a PCP is often enough to be placed on the path to correct it. So, if he is this way and doesn't care to change it I feel sorry for Jen. Then again, maybe she is adverse to sex at this point. She would not be the first woman with children to feel this way.

 

I am not sure what to make of Rob's lack of response to the IUD issue. I would think that he would have an opinion of some sort. Even as a male, we may not grasp what it means to have this in our bodies, but the technology alone is fascinating and I would assume that as a person with an interest in engineering and the like that he would at least be motivated to find out how the different ones work (and the risks) and give an opinion or two. The other alternative is that he feels these types of choices are your realm, as it is your body; I would not be surprised if that was his thought as well.

 

And your hospital bill. Yup...crazy isn't it? How on earth do people without insurance pay for stuff like this?

 

Tmm2 sounds like someone that I could picture you with. He seems smart and intelligent. But that opportunity is now long gone, so I wonder if keeping up contact with him is such a good idea? Plus, Freud or not, he sounds like he is dropping hints about a future that involves physical contact, and no man tells you that you are attractive and pretty (and if he used the word sexy that is blatantly obvious) and the like without a more pressing agenda. He certainly does seem like he likes to fish, but in this case, you're the fish. So, maybe avoiding the trawling lines and nets would be a good choice. I do know you like him and he clicks with you and you both were screwed by an employer...but still. This is more risky in some ways than tmm1.

 

You should work for Disney. You make great sales pitches and nearly planned out my own Disney vacation (which I do not have money for at this point). You are good at this stuff. Shame you can't find a way to combine RN skills with travel planning.

 

You didn't want to leave Andrew. Now that makes total sense. He is your little guy. Of course you would not want to leave. I understand totally. My wife cried and cried over this same thing. It is hard to go back to work and leave your baby.

 

Don't you simply despise these types of vivid reality oriented nightmares? I know that this nightmare really hit home for you and it often takes a good day or two to wear that dream out of your thoughts. How horrible. That is really a terrible dream.

 

I can see the meaning of it clearly; the fear of leaving him and entrusting him to another and wondering what will occur...but this was a dream. Feelings were expressed that you already have, just in symbol. It is not true. It will not be true and you and he will be fine when you are back at work. Try to remind yourself that this was a feeling dream that was based on anxiety. Your worry is based on feelings only, not truth and that means that this dream has no power over you.

No matter what, this will stick with you for a day or two. There is not much you can do to avoid that, but know this type of dream is common for mothers and that this is, only a dream...not a prediction. Steven

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi steve.


 


i guess today is my official last day of maternity leave. i have been trying to think of way of not going back, but cant. childish i know.


 


tonight i have a mommy and me outing


9jen didnt go to the one yest.. and isnt coming tonight..) its just moms at ginas ( another mom whom ive hit it off with it..) and were to hang out. i feel badly going as itll be my last night prior back to work.. but i figure if come home at 12mn andrew wont know the difference. i hope.


 


i spent another 4 hrs with kathy trying to get her dining reservations starightened out (she made soem and screwed up her whole schedule of days.. if i had known how slow shed be at doing this, i wouldve told her just tell me what you want to do/ where you want to go..) shes having a hard time 9to me at least it seems) rememebering the info i tell her. like ive told her crystal palace is the character breakfast in the magic kingdom with winnie the pooh. like 10 times. seriously. you can now book dining online by yourself which i like, she had called the number and of course they have a way with just getting you reservations and being like oh yeah this is good. no- cinderellas castle at 2pm isnt a good reservation. youre screwing your whole day.


if you dotn have the money to go, i get that completely. me neither for sure.. but in doing all this i saw that they had renovated the moderates resorts and its been restyled / updated. the coronado springs is a western theme (this is the moderate bussiness convention center.. they have huge conference rooms etc. my dad had huge union conferences there.. anyway its more masculine. so i thought you may like it and itd be worth looking into..


its much cheaper than options you were looking at. a cheaper trip to disney is better than not having one at all..


im thinking well go next spring again. time to recover financially and well something to look forward to. kates asking to go again now.. i feel bad making it a year away, but itd be easier financially. of cours ei wouldnt ming going in the late fall.. andrew will prob get the same experience out of it honestly. whether we go fall or spring.


i think i will try to stick to going in the spring. itd be fun for it to be sooner, but ill have more time to plan and save.


we should meet up there. itd be fun.


 


speaking of spring i feel like despite the snow weve gotten, that winter is over and spring is here... it seems lighter out later again...


just brighter or soemthing.


rob says he thinks were in for 2 more months of winter.


oh well. im already kind of depressed. its weird cuz i want to go back just not for 3 days. im serious about that. like if it was id be gone over night and the kids were gone for the day.. and id see them the next night..i wouldnt feel so bad. but not see them for half a week now? it feels like too much.


 


and to see dr a for 3 nights after almost 3 months? more than i can f**king take really. i have so many one liners i could f**king rip him with. my god. and im going to steal your line " a snowstorm of garbage" dont worry there will be an appropriate situation in those 3 days that ill be able to use it.


 


dr b is all right, but honestly if i didnt see him again. id be ok. weird huh?


i feel like i miss the drs i worked with at my old job.. i miss them more, seriously. still.


i dont know why.


 


anyway tmm. he did finally text me last night. i was helping kathy. i didnt answer. he 1st texted so u up? (seems to be a common question at 12 mn now..) i didnt ans. he then went online. i was online b/c i was doing the reservations. so he said hi.. i didnt ans. a few minutes later he wrote, i guess youre not talking to me? i still didnt ans. he then said sorry and logged off.


he then texted like an hour later..(130 or 2am btw..) i thought you had th same feelings for me as i do for you.


 


now heres the thing steve. one. what if i was like f**king sleeping? or dealing with the baby?


and on top of that. hes the one who just logged off last time we were speaking. b/c i made the joke about him having to get up to pee. so he said we need to be serious or something and i said why? and he didnt an and then left. so.... he can do that but i cant not ans him?


i was going to write that essentially in a longish text and tell him like how f**king dare you?!


and essentially he can be an asshole and thats ok? really?


 


tmm2.


so we were talking on friday for half the day while i was at mommy and me. alot more fun than talking to the other moms.


he seems like he still has hope for his life ( so innocent..)


he said im so annoyed this job isnt going anywhere.. i said no ones job is going anywhere. (i really do feel like that. its abig joke. we use the the employer to pay us. but we dont respect or like them..) and the employer uses us to do their bullshit til they decide they just dont want us anymore for any rhyme or reason. which is why i dont thinkw e should be loyal to them. theyre not loyal to us.


 


so he says no, i still have hope. i said look were just hurtling in space on a blue marble. accept it. i said if u see the writing on the wall start looking - dont wait for the rug to be pulled out. he told me he makes 50k less at this place than he did before.


i told him look places are hiring and look at CE. (im going to use that as the initials from now on. i dotn want anyone to find our conversations..)


i told him about the job security and he said he wants a challenge not security. i said its quite possibly challenging i dont know what theyre doing. if its innovative or what but they have tons of computers and stuff.


 


i said we could talk later if he didnt feel like it (im moody..? men are just as f**king moody steve. and frankly i just dotn want it. i mean i feel depressed but im trying to pretend im not. just to get thru. i mean acting depressed isnt going to help in anyway and i still have to get thru and function) so he said no no its ok. sorry. he told me if obama has hope.. he sid obama took his helicopter.. i said what? he said to pay my taxes.. now i qualify for food stamps.. i said well if you have a helicopter.. he said had. had a helicopter.. i said but i loved you for the money. he said thought so.


 


so he said would you want to cheer me up? i said wha did u have in mind? and he said you in a thong by a fireplace and rum.


any objections? i laughed and said well maybe..


he said what? i said itll ruin our friendship? he said it def will if one of us sucks in bed...


i said are you trying to say you think ill suck in bed? b/c id ruin you. and he said bring it.


he did say i was sexy before.. he said i had a sexy face which i thought was strange..


 


btw i have to call you out - cuz i cant let it go - you have said im attractive or pretty.. so whats your motive steve?


 


and andrews dream. the worst part was it was in my care. in our living room on his boppy pillow. it wasnt b/c i left. or soem other reason. it was like.. a prediction.


 


im trying to get my my obs office to get the iud situation together, but theyre such a pain in the ass. i told rob this and he said nothing again. so im done tryingto broach the subject. it is my problem so im just going to deal with it. it sucks cuz im kind of kicking my self i didnt get my tubes tied at the c section. he didnt even ask which sucks too.


 


 


 


 

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

If I read you correctly this was day one of your return to work. How did it go. (I am assuming you read this after, and not before you went.) I am sorry that you have to go to work and miss Andrew so much. That sucks. But as I mentioned he will miss you but the hours away will not cause him to feel abandoned. Both of you will miss each other however and returning to work when not 100% physically is not the best either. Plus your schedule really causes you to have a gap in seeing the kids. Maybe this year you can arrange for a change in your work, another place, pace or something. It all just seems too much.

 

How did mommy and me go? Are you glad Jen was not a part of that? You sure could use some more stable friendships where you enjoy the company of others without having to plan counselor or to look out for the life of your daughter...the Dominic effect. (sounds like a really bad movie).

 

I think you gave a real gift for the Disney planning thing. You know the park well. You know the internet well and you really get how they do things there. Plus you find the electronic reservation system easy to use. Now I am no slouch with schedules or computers but I am sometimes overwhelmed by the Disney system and find it much easier to say...hey do this for me. I am serious when I say that you could be a vacation coach and charge to plan out people's itinerary. Really. I know how Kathy feels. It is a mess to us non-disneyites.

 

When I do a vacation I do it big time or I do not go. I had nothing but dirt level vacations as a kid and although a one star hotel near a State park was okay, I have a lot of bad memories too. I want the works when I go. I want the vacation to be once in a lifetime level. So, if I go to Disney it has to be big time. Maybe I will have enough to go when you go. If you see this guy who looks like me with three kids and Kate. Well, then you will know.

 

Not missing dr b. He is nice, but he still is a work partner. And although he can be a friend and funny and all that he is still associated with the stress of work. Who would want a reminder of that?! And you did not leave your old job willingly. This one represents a lot of compromises so not feeling great about going back or who you work with is a given. Dr a.: he deserves all of your best material. And you just know that he is going to give you many opportunities to use the stuff.

 

tmm 1 is trying to pull heart strings. He sounds so pathetic at times. ""You really do not feel like I do, Liz?" Please. If that was the case he would be hurt from all the neglect and mind games he does, not the other way around. Let him think you dislike him. It is small potatoes payback ignoring him but at times, well worth it. Tmm2 is a different type of manipulator. He knows you well enough that you like to be teased into a reply. He balances the need to be pitied with the feelings of sex and romance and tries to show you that he is the one who can supply this missing piece. So, you going to take him up on his stuff? I doubt it. So, why play this game with him. And of course you would bring up the fact that I said something (I cannot recall what) about your appearance.

 

Trust me Liz, it was therapeutic. You were dragging yourself through a big mud puddle about yourself and were not being realistic about you. So, I offered something about your own perceptions about yourself, as you have told me that you like your "face". So, if you want to bust my chops about it. Okay. Can't stop that. lol

 

Your dream was not a prediction. It was a fear being played out and one that makes total sense considering what you are feeling about work and your life and all the worries that you have. And you are so right. Rob needs to think about you and not himself. A little bit of self absorption is fine, but not when your wife has concerns and worries of which he should be a part. Steven

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi steve. i read your post yest but ddnt have time in the flurry of activity. my night didnt go too badly, but it was hard to an extent. and then i called my parentrs twice and they said andrews been crying for hrs and they cant get him to calm down. ive barely slept and need to leave as were getting sleet now and i didnt know we would, so i cant really write. im going to leave early to try to make it on time if there s a lot of traffic. i was going to drive to queens to help andrew as i was a nervous wreck, but i didnt thinking there wasnt enuff time for me to go there and and get any sleep. im going to write in the am. have a good nite.

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.
I understand. I will wait for your next post. It sounds like you have really been overwhelmed. Steven
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi steve. i posted a new question for you..its on the boards

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 1 year ago.

Will do. Steven

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