i guess today is my official last day of maternity leave. i have been trying to think of way of not going back, but cant. childish i know.
tonight i have a mommy and me outing
9jen didnt go to the one yest.. and isnt coming tonight..) its just moms at ginas ( another mom whom ive hit it off with it..) and were to hang out. i feel badly going as itll be my last night prior back to work.. but i figure if come home at 12mn andrew wont know the difference. i hope.
i spent another 4 hrs with kathy trying to get her dining reservations starightened out (she made soem and screwed up her whole schedule of days.. if i had known how slow shed be at doing this, i wouldve told her just tell me what you want to do/ where you want to go..) shes having a hard time 9to me at least it seems) rememebering the info i tell her. like ive told her crystal palace is the character breakfast in the magic kingdom with winnie the pooh. like 10 times. seriously. you can now book dining online by yourself which i like, she had called the number and of course they have a way with just getting you reservations and being like oh yeah this is good. no- cinderellas castle at 2pm isnt a good reservation. youre screwing your whole day.
if you dotn have the money to go, i get that completely. me neither for sure.. but in doing all this i saw that they had renovated the moderates resorts and its been restyled / updated. the coronado springs is a western theme (this is the moderate bussiness convention center.. they have huge conference rooms etc. my dad had huge union conferences there.. anyway its more masculine. so i thought you may like it and itd be worth looking into..
its much cheaper than options you were looking at. a cheaper trip to disney is better than not having one at all..
im thinking well go next spring again. time to recover financially and well something to look forward to. kates asking to go again now.. i feel bad making it a year away, but itd be easier financially. of cours ei wouldnt ming going in the late fall.. andrew will prob get the same experience out of it honestly. whether we go fall or spring.
i think i will try to stick to going in the spring. itd be fun for it to be sooner, but ill have more time to plan and save.
we should meet up there. itd be fun.
speaking of spring i feel like despite the snow weve gotten, that winter is over and spring is here... it seems lighter out later again...
just brighter or soemthing.
rob says he thinks were in for 2 more months of winter.
oh well. im already kind of depressed. its weird cuz i want to go back just not for 3 days. im serious about that. like if it was id be gone over night and the kids were gone for the day.. and id see them the next night..i wouldnt feel so bad. but not see them for half a week now? it feels like too much.
and to see dr a for 3 nights after almost 3 months? more than i can f**king take really. i have so many one liners i could f**king rip him with. my god. and im going to steal your line " a snowstorm of garbage" dont worry there will be an appropriate situation in those 3 days that ill be able to use it.
dr b is all right, but honestly if i didnt see him again. id be ok. weird huh?
i feel like i miss the drs i worked with at my old job.. i miss them more, seriously. still.
i dont know why.
anyway tmm. he did finally text me last night. i was helping kathy. i didnt answer. he 1st texted so u up? (seems to be a common question at 12 mn now..) i didnt ans. he then went online. i was online b/c i was doing the reservations. so he said hi.. i didnt ans. a few minutes later he wrote, i guess youre not talking to me? i still didnt ans. he then said sorry and logged off.
he then texted like an hour later..(130 or 2am btw..) i thought you had th same feelings for me as i do for you.
now heres the thing steve. one. what if i was like f**king sleeping? or dealing with the baby?
and on top of that. hes the one who just logged off last time we were speaking. b/c i made the joke about him having to get up to pee. so he said we need to be serious or something and i said why? and he didnt an and then left. so.... he can do that but i cant not ans him?
i was going to write that essentially in a longish text and tell him like how f**king dare you?!
and essentially he can be an asshole and thats ok? really?
so we were talking on friday for half the day while i was at mommy and me. alot more fun than talking to the other moms.
he seems like he still has hope for his life ( so innocent..)
he said im so annoyed this job isnt going anywhere.. i said no ones job is going anywhere. (i really do feel like that. its abig joke. we use the the employer to pay us. but we dont respect or like them..) and the employer uses us to do their bullshit til they decide they just dont want us anymore for any rhyme or reason. which is why i dont thinkw e should be loyal to them. theyre not loyal to us.
so he says no, i still have hope. i said look were just hurtling in space on a blue marble. accept it. i said if u see the writing on the wall start looking - dont wait for the rug to be pulled out. he told me he makes 50k less at this place than he did before.
i told him look places are hiring and look at CE. (im going to use that as the initials from now on. i dotn want anyone to find our conversations..)
i told him about the job security and he said he wants a challenge not security. i said its quite possibly challenging i dont know what theyre doing. if its innovative or what but they have tons of computers and stuff.
i said we could talk later if he didnt feel like it (im moody..? men are just as f**king moody steve. and frankly i just dotn want it. i mean i feel depressed but im trying to pretend im not. just to get thru. i mean acting depressed isnt going to help in anyway and i still have to get thru and function) so he said no no its ok. sorry. he told me if obama has hope.. he sid obama took his helicopter.. i said what? he said to pay my taxes.. now i qualify for food stamps.. i said well if you have a helicopter.. he said had. had a helicopter.. i said but i loved you for the money. he said thought so.
so he said would you want to cheer me up? i said wha did u have in mind? and he said you in a thong by a fireplace and rum.
any objections? i laughed and said well maybe..
he said what? i said itll ruin our friendship? he said it def will if one of us sucks in bed...
i said are you trying to say you think ill suck in bed? b/c id ruin you. and he said bring it.
he did say i was sexy before.. he said i had a sexy face which i thought was strange..
btw i have to call you out - cuz i cant let it go - you have said im attractive or pretty.. so whats your motive steve?
and andrews dream. the worst part was it was in my care. in our living room on his boppy pillow. it wasnt b/c i left. or soem other reason. it was like.. a prediction.
im trying to get my my obs office to get the iud situation together, but theyre such a pain in the ass. i told rob this and he said nothing again. so im done tryingto broach the subject. it is my problem so im just going to deal with it. it sucks cuz im kind of kicking my self i didnt get my tubes tied at the c section. he didnt even ask which sucks too.