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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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I saw my councilor last Thur. she said she would call the dr.about

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I saw my councilor last Thur. she said she would call the dr.about my depression and the fact I am a nervous wreck. I got outof an abusive relationship and he now lies upstairs with his girlfriend. I live like I am in prison , I am hoping to move at the end of the month, but my daughter who is pregnant and dosen't want to move 20miles away , so she gives me nothing but a hard time. Currently I am out of work on short term diability and for my on well being I need to get a new place to live. My daughter who is also bipolar and off her meds because she didn't want to harm the baby, is not helping to make this a good move. Please I need help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  JaRee1993 replied 1 year ago.

JaRee1993 :

Hello, my name is Ja`Ree and I am a mental health counselor

JaRee1993 :

If you would like I would like to assist you with your question. I can certainly understand the pain and frustration you are feeling right now. I see you are off line at the present time. If you would like to talk with me concerning what is going on for you please just reply to my message and I will respond as soon as I see your reply. Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree

Customer:

you have that one right everything I do ,it's not good enough for my daughter, I should be up and about to prepare for the move,but I am just getting more and more anxcious and depressed over the whole thing. I know nothing will get acomplished with the way I feel, so that is why I have reached out to you for help.

Customer:

she said she would get back to me , so I am awaiting for a response !

JaRee1993 :

Hello, I am sorry it has taken me this long to get back to you. I just got your response.

JaRee1993 :

May I ask how old your daughter is and are there people you are close to where you are moving who will be able to help you with the adjusting to the move and all that is going on for you right now?

JaRee1993 :

Did your counselor call your doctor to evaluate the possible need to increase your medication during this difficult period of time?

JaRee1993 :

I am going to be off line for a few hours, therefore, I am going to opt out of this question to allow you to receive the assistance you need from another professional. Thank you. Ja`Ree

Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I’m the moderator for this topic. I am sorry, but It seems that the professional has left this conversation. This happens occasionally, and it's usually because the professional thinks that someone else might be a better match for your question. But don’t worry….. If you are still waiting for an answer, I will try to find a new professional to assist you! Please keep in mind that sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected. All of our Professionals come on at varying times, so sometimes it’s a bit difficult to predict. Either way....If you would prefer not to wait, please feel free to let me know, and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you.

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Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'm sorry for the wait in getting a response. You are right you need some support and help. Of course you are anxious. Considering the situation you describe, it's no wonder you are anxious, and fearful- feeling like you are living in a prison. It is vital for you to move, even though your daughter is giving you grief. You will be nothing to yourself nor your daughter if you remain where you are living.

You made the best move getting out of an abusive relationship- that's a tough thing to do. It's difficult feeling free even after you leave an abusive relationship, especially when he lives so near you. When we experience trauma it's normal that we would feel anxious, fearful, and hypervigilant. It's not unlike what happens to the soldier when they have experienced trauma in the war. You are a warrior yourself and you have been through a war of your own. You are free, and will feel more free and empowered if you move. Every part of you screams fight or flight- in other words- get as far away from him as possible.

One thing to consider with your daughter, is to validate how she is feeling about the move, that it's nothing personal against her that you are moving. You will be much more effective and available to her as a mother when you move, and feel more safe and at peace. With you living so near your abuser, you are in such a state of panic, it's difficult to function. It's sort of like if we see a tiger in the jungle- we naturally get away, and likely not return to that area. He's like the tiger, and you are naturally wired to want to flee, separate from him, get as far away from him as possible.

She may be feeling anxious and worried herself and will realize, maybe a bit later, that it was important for your well being and mental health to move a distance away from him. It's tough making these decisions when you are so anxious and depressed. Even more so when your daughter gives you such grief about this.

You are doing exactly what you need to do, moving away, in order to get on the path to healing and recovery. Your daughter will have her mother "back" as you begin to feel better. I'm glad to hear you are seeing a counselor and taking medications that may help you. Because of the situation and the related panic living so near him your medications may not work until you get away from him. Continue to seek out the necessary support to help you through this, especially if you have to live there much longer. You may want to look for domestic abuse support services in your community. They often offer crisis counselor, crisis line, and support groups for survivors.

Even though your daughter is angry now, she will realize later you had no other option but to get away from him. Your priority is to get to a place where you will feel safe and you can then be more of a support and resource for your daughter. First and foremost it's vital that you care for yourself- grandma to be!

Please continue to post questions or comments until you feel you've gotten the information and or support you need. Congrats on getting out of that relationship- that's a big and important step- one step closer to healing.

Thank you for your question, I look forward to hearing from you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you , I know I will feel better,, but even as I sit here I just cry, this is the worst way to feel. I know it will be the only way to claim my life back . My daughter is 26 and very imature and selfish. I know it is 20 miles away but I will have to drive that distance once I go back to work . Currently I am out of work,on short term disability because of the whole situation. My daughter dosen't work she gets ssi disability. I do plan on returning to work once I get my life in order. No I don't know anyone where I am moving but my son will still live an hour away. I just don't know how to stop feelling the way I do and get done what has to be done, Do you have any suggestions ???

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Hello, Thank you for your response back. I'm away from the computer for a bit. Look for my response a bit later. I will get back to you as soon as I am able- hopefully in a couple of hours. Sorry to have to keep you waiting, but will have more time to better answer your question then.
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Good morning to you. What you describe is most difficult-
" just sit here and cry and it's most difficult. I would be surprised if you did not feel as you do. It is more challenging when you have your daughter to consider, especially with her dealing with her own stuff. Change is hard, even good change is stressful. You are a survivor, a warrior, and please remind yourself you are doing the best you can consider the war zone you have been through.

Because these emotions are uncomfortable, schedule a time in your day that you devote to thinking about this, writing about this, processing your thoughts and feelings. Giving this a time, an outlet, can sometimes lessen the intensity, and we do better in going on in our day- knowing we have a time set to process this. Plan 20-30 minutes, whatever amount of time you need. When the "stuff" comes up and you are so very uncomfortable, remind yourself you have time set to "go there"

In time healing will come. When we are in the dark is when we are most enlightened. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It does not feel so bright right now because of what you have experienced and the changes to come. More than anything I want to normalize your emotions- your feelings are normal to this tough situation.

You and your daughter can be a good support for one another. Together identify what you are both thankful for. She may not be open to too much positive conversation just yet, since she sounds angry about the move. Validate your emotions as well as your daughter. Tell her you know it's hard, that you understand, that it's also hard for you, but that you need her support, etc.

Couple other suggestions. Consider seeking out a counselor in your new community and or a support group for domestic violence. Exercise such as a walk can also be a good outlet- it's meditative and it can help us sort things out. Do some deep breathing and as you do that remind yourself you are doing the best you can, you are a survivor, and that there are good opportunities ahead. Hang on for the ride, ride the wave- The Little Train that Could comes to mind as the little train is carrying a big load up a mountain, he repeats "I think I can, I think I can.. I thought I could, I did".

Take care, I wish you both the best in this transition. There is hope and good ahead for you. You are not alone, sadly many women are dealing with what you have, and struggle just the same. Those same women are often much stronger because of the challenges they have faced.
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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Jean
Jean
Psychotherapist
332 Satisfied Customers
Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)