How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5556
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

hi, I have a girlfriend who has moved 2000 kms to be with me,

Resolved Question:

hi, I have a girlfriend who has moved 2000 kms to be with me, she also has a 20 month old daughter who has been raised completely by her mother. this was her choice to move here where leaving behind her friends and family. we are in love and I glady taken on the responsibility to father her child which creates a financially stable up bring for her and her mother. she's been up for 2 months and is happy but dealing with her child and not getting help off her mother to give her some free time for herself and us, plus a complete life change without her friends is starting to get to her, for e.g getting in agitated moods and boredom, and no longer the child's one day day care school she went to every week. I am studying psychology and coinciding for the past 6 months plus working 12 hrs a day, so I'm away most the day. she's had an anxiety attack once and I can see she can't cope with the stress and the almost completed full time attention she provides for the child. assuming I'm the male role figure or father in this situation, I try do as much for them emotionly and physically to take the stress and keep them c comfortable. I have a very strong mind set and have an approach with dealing with stress e.g seeing the positive in every situation and disregard negative! I Know there's tools you can use to have a positive outlook on every situation. appreciation! to build energy is to feel love, to feel love is to see beauty, to see beauty is to appreciate! and you can find that in absolutely anything I believe.. therefore I try to add opinions towards things that she isn't coping with, just a better way to look at it or how to start training her child to understand that the things that upset her mother are not to be done and not right, so she learns what is right or wrong which evidentally will slowly take the pressure off the mother. But she disrigards my opinions by blaming the child's actions on things happening around her, which she is in a loving environment. the mother is hearing my thoughts as if I'm trying to be smarter then her or start fights which is very frustrating because I'm only trying to help. her not coping and over stressing is directly effecting our relationship and her well being. I'm assumed the father to help but don't have a chance to try, which is effecting my moods highly and I'm just the bad one for thinking this because she doesn't understand I can and need to help or I won't have a place in this relationship. is there any advise I could get about how to do about this? p.s sorry about the novel
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. It sounds like your girlfriend feels very overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenting. Some people have the temperament to be a parent and the energy to deal with the high demands of an active child. However, there are others who find the day to day routine, lack of breaks and constant attention needed to cope with a toddler just too much. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just a matter of what one person can handle compared to another.

 

Although your advice to her is correct and appropriate, it may not be what your girlfriend wants to hear. She simply may not be able to listen and incorporate your advice into her parenting style and therefore becomes upset instead of relieved. What you may want to try is to just listen to her. Sometimes people find great relief in just complaining or expressing their feelings to someone who doesn't say anything or very little at all. It can be very difficult to sit and here all of these distressing emotions from someone and not say anything (particularly if you are studying psychology and have a deeper understanding of what is needed) but often just having someone listen helps the person get the emotions out of their system and reduce their stress.

 

You may also want to find ways to spend some time alone with your girlfriend. Hire a babysitter and go out or buy dinner and eat together with candlelight after your little one is in bed. If you have the time (it sounds like you are quite busy), you may also want to take a day out with the child so your girlfriend can do something on her own. Just having even a few hours to herself might be enough to recharge her.

 

And anytime you can provide relief to her, even if it is sometime later in the day or the next day, it can give her something to look forward to so she can handle her stress better.

 

Also, it may help to remind her that this is a difficult stage of development but it will not last forever. Some time very soon the child will be in school and your girlfriend (and you) will have more time to be on your own and develop other interests outside of parenting.

 

Unfortunately, because your girlfriend has left behind most of her supports, she only has you for now and that is a lot on you. She may find some benefit to joining a Mommy and me group or something similar to reach out to other parents for support. The more she can socialize the better she will feel and the less she will depend solely on you for help.

 

I hope this has helped you,

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5556
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
5556 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.