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Ask psychlady Your Own Question
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Customer Question

i have just told my husbsnd that our marriage is over as he does not want to see his adult children alone as has happened for 3 years. he wants our 4 and 6 year olds exposed to them. i feared for their safty and he saw no problem even when serious things happened in front of him mhile they were babies so 3 years ago said i couldnt live with them anymore. he accepted but now his mother of85 yrs and his sister are arranging family event and insisting our little children come.there is alot more. but i have just ended my marriage via text to my husband after an awfully angry display by him in front of our little ones last night. i am numb. he is refusing to end things saying he wants to talk but insists his adult children have to be part of our lives. they would celebrate the end of our marriage. this is the only big issue we have. any advice for when the numbness wears off and the reality hits.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

"Numbness" can result from years of unhappiness or abuse and simply trying to guard yourself from such incidents. This will with time wear off as you begin to move beyond this relationship and on to healthier choices. Just the fact that you will regain your independence alone will help you move past this stage. You have to find first your sense of security again. You can do this very successfully with therapy or just having a very strong support system. Your children can be part of that process because they too will need to heal. You have to mitigate any interactions between your children and your husband but that is possible. You have to be consistent. If you want your family to be in therapy together that is helpful too. Reach out for your supports and be diligent in maintaining the choice you have made. This is going to be a process and it starts simply with strength and honesty. Right now make sure of your choice and stand by it.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

i dont have support network as friendships were not possible to maintain over last years what with the unpredictible nature of the now adult children. husband also isolated us , working long hours and not interested in social events except with family of origin and older children from first relationship, a lady who came out as gay and been in lesbian relationship for 15 yrs.feel alot of strange damage here. dont want to depend on or lean on family, please God i can lean on myself. any advice

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

i am not interested in this experts further advice. it is my opinion that this advice is premature. not enough is known by the expert to so freely encourage a person to follow a particular path. supportive advice and a suggestion as to what you think might happen should a particular course of action be followed would have been with in the remit of any expert, but no more. i have no trust therefor and wish to cease receiving any further contact form you. i trust my wishes will be respected or i will consider it harassment, and take appropriate action to protect my privacy.thanking you in advance.

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