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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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My ex wife are extremely frustrated with our daughter. She

Customer Question

My ex wife are extremely frustrated with our daughter. She is 28 years - with a child (our granddaughter). She currently lives with her mother.

The problem is that our daughter is extremely messy, and nasty. She will not keep clean clothes for herself or my granddaughter. Her car is an absolute mess. My 3 year old granddaughter has to tell her grandmother which clothes are clean or dirty. She has no problem dressing our grandchild in wrinkled, dingy clothes. She once sent her to nursery school with one short anklet sock and a long sock because she couldn't find the matches. Typically, if one of us (my ex or me) don't give her a bath each day, she does not get one.

In the past four years she has lived with me, her brother and now, once again, with her mother. For 6 months she lived in her own apartment, but the lack of a job forced her to abandon the apartment.

Neither her mother nor I live like this. She was brought up in a clean home, always with clean, matching clothes. She was bathed and had her hair combed/brushed every single day.

Her mother and I are at our wits' end. To witness our granddaughter being treated this way ...in these living conditions..hurts terribly.

Something needs change my daughter's behavior. This is not fair to my granddaughter. The sad part about this is that my granddaughter absolutely adores her mother.

PLEASE HELP!

Signed

Frustrated Grandpa!
email address:XXX@XXXXXX.XXX
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 1 year ago.
I am going to be real honest with you. Talk is cheap. All the talking in the world is not going to get your daughter to straighten up and be a responsible parent. It is time for action. It is time for your daughter to put up or get out. Meaning, she needs a job, she needs chores, she needs a routine to care for her child. This should be demanded of her in order for her to live under your roof or your ex's.Bribing her and assisting her is what you call enabling. When you enable a person, that means they continue their pattern of self-destruction. Your daughter is not going to like the demands. But either she complies or she is out. I say your daughter is out. Not your granddaughter. Let me make this real clear, you guys are taking care of your granddaughter. Your daughter is neglectful. If she continues to be neglectful then she may need to have her parental rights taken. Meaning, you or your ex may need to raise your granddaughter, which you are already doing. The first priority in all of this mess is for the well-being of your granddaughter because she has no say in the matter. She relies on others to take care of her. Believe me, drastic times call for drastic measures, and this has been going on way too long. I hope you and your ex get together and make a game plan for how you will implement this because this is the only way to go. Good luck to you.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 1 year ago.
Just sending a reminder to click the accept button so I get paid for my time with you. I hope all is well. If you need anything in the future please let me know.

-Dr. G.

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