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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Here is a scenario. Out of the blue a man walks up behind

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Here is a scenario.
Out of the blue a man walks up behind a woman who is seated with her back to him. He then proceeds to put a choke hold / sleeper hold on her. She says what the F and he tightens his muscles making the hold tighter. It stays this way for a few seconds He then backs away and she says what are you doing. Why did you do that. He then says did you see colors. She says no I feel dizzy and nauseous holding her throat He then reaches out and strokes her throat at the trachea and says its just that easy. She says what is it's just that easy. He thens says just saying its just that easy And then says that's what Darth Vader said He leaves the room. Joke????? if you did not see this or any Star Wars Darth Vader ( bad guy)says this as Luke Skywalker (hero), his son and he KNOWS it is his son, falls to his death during a fight with Vader or so it seemed He ended up living but the point is he threw his own kid to his death seemingly and said its just that easy
The rest of the evening is tense. She goes to bed early and doesn't sleep well. Goes to work the next day. Goes home and tells him she didn't like that. It scared her starts crying just silent tears but visibly shook up
Mans response when she says that scared her. It was just a joke laughing what is the matter with you. You make me nervous you should know me better than that. I'm not gonna say I wouldn't hurt you because I am just not lowering myself to that. I mean that is like saying you are going to get wet when it is raining. I am going to have to think about this. You honestly believe I can hurt you. You are not a friend. A friend is someone who sees you standing over a dead body with a gun on your bloody hands and doesn't assume you did it. They ask why did you pick up the gun. This makes me really wonder about you. I gotta think about this. It's a hard line either friend or not I mean even if I saw you tongue locked with someone you will be ok. Just know where your keys are so you can get the F out and laughs saying because I'm gonna be busy on that M f'er you got time to get away.....unless your gonna stick around to try to save him.......Then well ...........just keep your keys handy. Know where your keys are.
I am sorry I did this. Especially since you took it this way. I just wanted to play with you. You were busy working at the computer and I know you aren't in the mood to play but shit what is wrong with you. I didn't tighten up. I just rolled my forearm. Laughs again was just playing that's all. I will never do it again. I don't know what else you want here I said I was sorry and I won't do it again. Woman says that's it just playing. What's next a knife just for kicks. He laughs and says you were supposed to laugh was funny I guess you didn't think it was so now I know. I won't do it again I won't play with you like that. She then says we have been together for 10 yrs and never have you played like this and just a few months ago you smashed a glass and was walking around clenching your fists when I said I think we should get our own apartments and now this is your playing. No I didn't think it was funny and I really didn't like the veiled threat. He then says well it sounds awful the way you are saying it. It sounds like assault battery and threat not veiled at all. Look like I said. I am sorry. Sorry you didn't see it as playing and if I could take it back I would but I did it so all I can say is I will never do I again and think about how you took it because that is the disturbing part. You should have known I was just playing....
He leaves the room and goes back to his area.
The rest of the night is tense just watching TV and it turned 12 o'clock
Happy New Year went to bed
So my question is she over reacting
Does this seem like playing to you.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Customer:

Hello

Dr. L :

I have read thoroughly through your posting. Here is my assessment of the scenario. The man could have been playing a joke on the woman but it is a cruel joke at best. This was a terrifying situation and the woman did NOT overreact...she reacted as most anyone would to the situation. This type of behavior had not been part of their long history together and so there was very little way for her to understand and experience this as playing.

Dr. L :

The man's explanation that this was "playing" is his explanation...but if the woman experienced this as terrifying and horrible...then that is her perception and she is entitled to her own interpretation.

Customer:

Should she be worried about him causing harm. She is looiking at moving out

Customer:

He states her perception is ridiculous and now is judging her as "un friendly" to him She is worried cant sleep cant concentrate at work due to lack of sleep

Dr. L :

Her perception is NOT ridiculous...she was frightened for her life...unless she can see it differently he cannot change her mind. He has his thoughts/belief she has hers.

Dr. L :

It would seem from her symptoms - can't sleep..can't concentrate...that she was likely traumatized by the incident and further hurt by his rationale - a rationale that did not ring true to her.

Dr. L :

Could he do this again? or something similar? It would seem that he has learned that she does not see this as playing around - but, if he has changed his behavior in the last few months and now has some violent tendencies...then she should be cautious.

Dr. L :

She might consider taking a break from the relationship by spending a few nights somewhere else that is safe for her. Let her get some good sleep, eat some healthy food...and have time to calm down from all of this. The pressure of being in the same place with him is likely too much for her right now.

Customer:

thank you

Dr. L :

When we don't sleep well...our thinking can become very muddled. Right now she is not feeling safe...and it would be very important for her to regain a sense of safety.

Dr. L :

Is there more I can help you with? Or have I answered your question?

Customer:

yes I agree

Customer:

no that is good thank you again

Dr. L and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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