I would like to help you with your question.
I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time with your daughter. Your daughter is at that period in her life when kids can be easily frustrated because they have difficulty communicating.
How good are her verbal skills? Is she able to tell you clearly what she wants or needs?
Or is it difficult for her to do this?
One of the very best parenting programs is called Love and Logic. The website for this material is: www.loveandlogic.com
This parenting program was developed by Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay. It is very easy to use and very successful.
I would highly recommend that you get this book and check out the website.
One of the best methods for dealing with temper tantrums is to gently hold her in a "bear hug" kind of embrace. While you have her in that "hug" you can say to her...I am here. I will hold you and help you with these strong feelings you have. You are safe.
The level of frustration your daughter feels is scary for her but she has no other way of communicating how she feels. She has little to no way of understanding her feelings, wants, desire...all she knows is that something is not right.
While time outs can work...sometimes the child is just too frustrated to be able to co-operate.
Ignoring is also a good strategy...but there are times when you just cannot ignore a child screaming, kicking and acting out! You don't want the child to get hurt...nor do you want to be hurt!
This is why I encourage you to look at the Love and Logic program as it will give you some new strategies for working with your daughter.
Please let me know how you feel about my response.
Let's chat when you have time.