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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am in a custody battle with my ex husband. OKMH0102211

Customer Question

I am in a custody battle with my ex husband. My question is about an issue he recently raised concern about in mediation. My son is 11 & my daughter is 6. Since I divorced my kids often ask to sleep w/me, or ask to sleep together. I feel it is innocent and harmless but the mediator said at my son's pre-teen age that they shouldn't be doing that. Is she right? and if so what formal guidelines or documentation support that? Please advise. Thank you.

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In this hostile environment, where politically correct behavior trumps common sense, the mediator is right, under law.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

Ok, the mediator is right under law. Apparently there is a law book for parenting that I am unaware of. My apologies, sarcasm aside.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I don't blame you for being upset about the way the law works, and I didn't notice any sarcasm. :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't expect common sense or compassion from the courts or from the judges. It might occur sometimes, for which we must all be grateful.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

Since my childen do like to sleep in the same bed on occassion how do you suggest I tell them it is a "bad" thing? I'm unsure how to explain it. As my son gets older things will change but until them they feel I am being "mean" not to allow it.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

Are there any psychological studies or links on this topic you can send me that support or better yet (don't support) the idea that this is wrong?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell them the truth, that the court has ordered that they cannot do it and if they do, then they can get into trouble.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Or they can both sleep in the bed with you, if that is allowed.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will look in my file.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

So in the court's eyes they can sleep with me, but not together? Interesting.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It depends on what the monitor says. I don't make the rules. It should be ok.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It always was. Now we live in the "nanny state" where we are not responsible for our own kids.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is a cultural thing, or always had been, but now it is under the auspices of the state.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

Thank you for checking your file. I just had another thought, which is more related to my ex's inability to effectively co-parent with me, despite counseling. If this is a concern he had, wouldn't it have been more productive to bring it up to me, rather than choose to bring it up for the first time in mediation in an attempt to discredit me? Just saying.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are many points of view.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://forums.familyeducation.com/discuss/sibling-relationships/brother-and-sister-sleeping-together

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Here is another forum of interest

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080617064116AAOJPja

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

and another of interest. There are many opinions but you have to face the law, just or not.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.babycenter.com/400_should-a-brother-and-sister-be-allowed-to-sleep-together_970225_58.bc

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I think that the courts do more harm than good, and there is much corruption involved.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your ex's decision was totally spiteful and inappropriate. BUt, he used "the law" to attack you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't give him another edge.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

Thank you for the information and for your opinion that my ex's behavior was totally spiteful and inappropriate. Just because he used the law to attack me doesn't make it right. I won't give him another edge. I am also a big believer in Karma, which I feel sure is coming to him. Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX appreciate your help and enjoyed chatting with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Same here. I will keep you in my prayers. What comes around DOES go around. It is cause and effect.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have a wonderful and successful new year.

JACUSTOMER-s1417qxl- :

Blessings and Happy New Year!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you so much. The same to you and your loved ones.

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