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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Weve been married 30 yrs. I think the reason its lasted so

Customer Question

We've been married 30 yrs. I think the reason it's lasted so long is that I had a job 12 hr. rotating shifts. Always tired. Either working or sleeping. I quit that job and now have a job that's 8 hrs. a day and no nights but it cut my pay almost in half. The financial thing is working out slowly but I feel so much better and probably added yrs. to my life. Problem is that now I can see more clearly that this marriage really stinks. My wife is not interested is sex at all and hasen't been for yrs. I haven't pestered her for sex in a long time. But now that I feel so much better, it doesn't matter. I've been faithful, don't chase women,don't go to bars, although I enjoy a few beers at home about 3 times a week. I am not abusive. I've had a very loving childhood with excellent parents, not overweight, eat right, not ugly,I've been a good provider. She hates sex or anything close to it with me. Although she sits around on days off and evenings reading mommy porn, goes to movies that are smutty like Magic Mike with her girlfriends. when we are with others and the topic of sex comes up she doesn't hesitate to jump right in. But I am not allowed to talk to her about sex at all. She says I am too needy. Hmmm...a sexless marriage and I am too needy? On weekends she doesn't bathe so that way I won't get close to her. She flirts alot with other guys. I really don't care about any of this but WHY AM I EXCLUDED?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have described your situation quite articulately.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is a difficult one that has evolved over many years.

Customer:

so what do I do now?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What do YOU see as your options?

Customer:

I would like it to work but what the hell did I do to deserve this? I'm lost right now. What have others done in this situation?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are two options that I see.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

One is to go to a marriage and family counselor, particularly one that is ALSO a sex-therapist.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can find a list by going to the following site, and clicking your state on the map that comes up, bringing up a list.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

AASECT - Member Directory

Customer:

I cannot believe she read 50 shades of grey and then talks to everyone on Christmas how good it was. Right in front of me. I feel like a piece of crap

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The other one is telling her, if she will not work on this, that you want to separate or divorce.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What do you mean the "she read 50 shades of grey">?

Customer:

She read the book 50 Shades of Grey which is very erotic and discussed it with some family members and it hurts me to know she evidently has some sort of sex drive to read this but I am not allowed any sex

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Will she go to a therapist with you?

Customer:

we have in the past...about 10 yrs. ago...but only if I pay. Never been to a sex therapist and I really doubt she would go there. She doesn't think there is a problem......that is what puzzles me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is divorce an option?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The only other one is endure this for the rest of your life or until you have had enough.

Customer:

divorce....wow...I guess I should weigh that one more...I don't know. My next and probably last ? is why is she doing this?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Because she does not love you and resents being married to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She probably has plenty of fantasies without you. It is possible that she fools around while you are gone (or were gone 12 hours a day)?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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