How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. G. Your Own Question
Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1489
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
15682972
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. G. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been married 31 years.June 2012 my husband went to a

This answer was rated:

I have been married 31 years.June 2012 my husband went to a gun show over two hundred miles away. He collapsed and EMTs were call he was naked in bed with a 21 yr old he is 62 and his equiptment hasn't worked for 5 years.He ended up in the hospital and my son and I had to go get him.I was introduced to his friend the morning nwe arrived.
Needless to say we had a row.I turned in to a detective I never thought he would do this!
He had been logging in on 5 online dating sites since 01/2012. I thought the 21 yr old was over. Oh no he had been calling her 3 or 4 times a day and had snuck off 3 times. He opened a joint account for him and her. He bought her 1100.00 worth of clothes to wear to the nursing school he had also paid for. He went into the hospital again thats when I found out about the credit card and school.I cancelled the card but since it was joint she got another one and charge over 1300.00 of clothes again. Time it was all over he has spent over 5,000.00 on her. Then she changed her number and he cannot find her not for lack of trying. I also found where he had been contacting women in our own town metting for fun.
We are going to a marriage counselor he chose.He does want a divorce because he doesn't feel he did anything wrong he was just helping some one in need. My question is why hide it? Anyway the marriage counseler told me that when men have been married 30 or so year sometimes they do this to boost their ego. I asked "well what about the wives what do we get out of it, I don't know how your marriage vows were worded but no where in mine it said I had to pump sunshine up his ass to boost his ego."
I had asked my husband how would you feel if a 62 year old woman came sniffing around our 21 year old son? A woman 41 years his senior.
Needless to say I do not trust him!!!!! But I suggested a Post Nuptial Agreement if he does anything that looks like infidelity emotional or physical, he will keep his checking account , his vehicle, his clothes,hat collection and gun collection and sign divorce papers. My lawyer said he will not sign it but if he does not then I do not feel there is a basis for this marriage.
When I go I want to feel I have done everything I could to salvage 31 years of marrige.
Do you see any hope or am I wishful thinking?
I guess my question is what do you have hope for in the marriage? What do you wish for out of the marriage?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I had hoped to salvage this marriage but I do not think I will ever trust him. I had decided that if he signs the Post Nuptial Agreement I will stick it out for a while. But if he refuses to sign the agreement it proves he can not be faithful. I quess it's like
the song says when staying is harder than leaving its over.
I guess I wanted someone to say he might not cheat again. I do not believe in second chances and this is the third chance.
3rd chance??? Wow. Can't guarantee he will not cheat again. However, I ask what your hope for is in the marriage because maybe you stay for all the wrong reasons. For the money, stability, comfort, roof over your head, whatever. People stay in marriages for many different reasons that don't involve love. So, maybe it is time for you to reevaluate what the purpose of this marriage means and maybe you will get your answer about staying. But to guarantee not cheating is impossible.
Dr. G. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you I appreciate it. sometimes being too close to the situation you can not see what it really is.
Thanks Again
Sandra

Related Mental Health Questions