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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi, its me again. A few days ago my girlfriend Tiffany

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Hi, it's me again.

A few days ago my girlfriend Tiffany told me that an old friend contacted her essentially out of the blue and asked her to lunch. I asked her who, and it was a man. I told her that I did not feel comfortable with this because, as a man myself, I know that men usually do not contact women out of the blue and ask them to lunch unless there is some ulterior motive.

She assured me that it was completely innocent because he is married. I asked her if his wife was coming. She said probably not, but I could ask him. I told her that my guess is that his wife is not coming, so, how about if I go with her and we have lunch with him together. Tiffany said that she understood my feelings and agreed.

Today, Tiffany told me that she had lunch with that man. When I told her I felt lied to and deceived, her response was that she was afraid to tell me because of how I would respond. I reminded her about our discussion and how we had agreed that she would not have lunch with him without me.

She says is that she is sorry and that she was afraid to tell me. I feel so hurt and betrayed. This really bothers me.

Your thoughts?
It sounds like your girlfriend is only considering her feelings in the relationship and not yours. There was two things she did that goes against having trust in a relationship:

One, she met with another man from her past against your wishes and

Two, she lied to you about letting you come along

It is essential that when you are in a relationship, you set boundaries with the opposite sex. That means if you would want contact with a female for example, you have to let her know that you are in a relationship and you must let her know about your partner, even up to meeting her. There should be no secrets between you and your partner and you should never lie about the meeting. That indicates you cannot be trusted, which is what your girlfriend did to you.

You may want to talk to her about how her behavior is impacting your ability to trust her. She is spending too much time with other men, against your wishes. While she should not be restricted to having only female friends, she should be setting much better boundaries with the men in her life and including you in these relationships.

Kate
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