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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
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Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Hello my name isXXXXXm 22 years old and have been married

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Hello my name isXXXXX 22 years old and have been married to my high school sweetheart for the past two years. We are a dual Army couple. She joined the Army first and left for basic combat training in the summer/fall of 2010. I was attending college at the time. We have been together since I was a Sophomore in high school.
While she was at basic she wrote me everyday nothing out of the ordinary just telling me she how much she loved me missed me and her experiences she had there. Prior to her leaving I had proposed to her and she said no because she felt her parents wouldn't approve of it because we were to young. I had just turned 20 at the time and she turned 19 while at basic.
I was able to go with her family to her graduation around Thanksgiving of 2010. Her job training for the Army was going to consist of a year and six months of schooling and the only time she would be allowed to leave and visit family was during the Christmas and New years holiday season. We both accepted that we would probably not see eachother for a really long time unless I was able to go and see her between semesters.
The day after she graduated she was off to her job training site and I was heading back home to with her family to finish up my third semester. She began texting me about how much she appreciated seeing me for the few days she was allowed to see family and how hard it was for her to say goodbye. Then she proposed to the very next day and I said yes. We planed our wedding on December 27th 2010 and I asked her father for permission first before going into any wedding details.
She got home on leave for Christmas on the 17th of December and we both began planing the wedding. We were married on the 27th of December of 2010. We both were really happy. She had to return back to Texas on the 2nd of January 2011 and I stayed back until we received approval from the Army for me to move. I finally was able to move to San Antonio Texas on February 3rd 2011.
Our marriage for the first 6 months was great. We both were extremely happy to be together and everything was going every well. It was difficult for me to find a job because the army was only going to have us stationed there for a few months. We ended up moving to Seattle Washington on June 3rd of 2011 for her to continue her job training.
While in Seattle I found a part time job at the local 7 eleven convenient store. But things began to change. I had begun to change. I expressed to her my own interest to join the Army and she was extremely supportive of that, but the downside to this was I had to wait for us to return home before I could begin the process of enlistment. While in Seattle her job training allowed her to live with me everyday and allowed her to wake up be at formation by 730 am come home for lunch and end the day by 5 pm. Where she would return home. Because I only worked part time mostly just Saturday and Sunday nights. I was responsible for cooking, laundry, cleaning, and taking care of the apartment while she was away for the day.
We did begin to get on eachothers nervous at times, but nothing out of the ordinary. We moved back home in April of 2012 to her parents house. Prior to the move back home she did confide to me that she was unhappy about moving back to her parents house because she enjoyed the freedom of being on her own and being on active duty in the Army. After a few discussions we both felt it to be best for her to stay there while I myself would be leaving for Basic Training and felt she'd be safer with her family then on her own. The crime rate in your city jumped 110 percent since we had left in early 2011.
I signed in May of 2012 and left for basic training a few months ago. While we were home I felt our marriage began to revert back to more of a dating relationship, because I respected her parents for allowing us to stay there and I didn't want to offend them in anyway.
While I was at basic she wrote me very often about how she was doing in college and how she was really proud of me for joining and how much she loved me and missed me and normal type of things you'd write when a loved one is away for a while. Then at around the 6th week of basic training she became very distant. I didn't begin receiving phone calls until the 4th week I was there. The two phone calls prior she was extremely excited to talk to me. Finally I asked her if anything was wrong. She stated to me she that she wanted a divorce and that she was emotionally done with the marriage as she was crying over the phone. She stated she never wanted to get married in the first place. I want to try to save my marriage, because we were both very happy while away but something has changed. I'm currently home on leave only have seen/ spoken to her in person once. She says she isn't trying to avoid me. She also told me she did not cheat while i was gone. I want to save our marriage idk how to?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Unfortunately military marriages are the most difficult. You have to accept her wishes but you can put your emotions on paper to see if this changes her mind. Often people can write emotions that they cannot say in person. While you must accept her wishes you can take last stitch efforts to see if her wishes are simply out of loneliness. Long distance relationships are hard on both parties. Take your time and really record your thoughts. She obviously wanted you to stay faithful so her emotions may be coming from just being separated. If you find that giving her your thoughts on paper doesn't change her mind then you have to accept her wishes. First you have to satisfy in your mind that she really wants it to end. Her feelings may just be out of frustration. If in the end she still avoids then you will have to accept that she is no longer receptive. Giving her space is good but be the best judge in when to approach her again.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She also turned 21 years old when I was away and the stress of her first semester of college and taking 18 credit hours play in to that as well? I've attended college and I can understand that kind of pressure plus the freedoms you have compared to the Army.
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Yes she has a lot of stressors. Maybe things will work out when she can resolve some of them.
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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