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Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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My daughters mother-in-law lives with her and her husband.

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My daughter's mother-in-law lives with her and her husband. In the six months she has lived their she has disrespected my daughter and son-in-law. She argues with him in front of my granddaughter. He and my daughter gave her grounds rules for living with them that she agreed to follow but continues to disregard them. She abused to her son in the past and continues to exhibit that behavior. She stated to me that she rules over her son because he is a child and she is his mother and he should respect her. She has serious health problems but will not take care of herself. She has some type of nerve damage to her hands caused by diabetes. She has had multiple situations in which she became incoherent because she allowed here sugar level to drop. She also smokes. My daughter will not leave the children with her and she is really anger about it. She told me she should have access to the children anytime she wants them without permission. Christmas day she yelled at her son in front of the family an the children where there. When I and my daughter tried to tell her that this was not the time or place for that she yelled at me and cursed me. Should my daughter and son-in-law ask her to leave?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I'd like to try and answer your question. Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This is a difficult situation for your daughter and her husband- as well as for you watching it all unfold.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This woman you describe, yes she may be ill, but she is being abusive to the entire family, including the children for what they are witnessing. You said she's ill, but not taking care of herself. She should be asked to leave. By her continuing in the home it only enables her to continue to be abusive. The"rules" have not mattered, and pretty unlikely the rules will begin to matter to her. She sounds physically and possibly mentally ill. Your son in law can not force his mother to take better care of her health, but in asking her to leave, he will be left to deal with extreme guilt. His mother has likely quilted him much of his life, and he may continue to feel like a child. However, in asking her to leave she may be more inclined to "hit bottom" physically and will be forced to take a look at her health.


Thank you so much for your reply. This is a great help.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

We know it's hard to accommodate a parent in a home that a couple has established. She has come in like a bull and disregarded/disrespected the entire family. She may also need more care than your daughter and son in law can provide. It would be one thing if she was trustworthy and contributed positively to the home- but I'm not hearing that is the case.

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