In September, my daughter was dumped by her boyfriend of 15 years. They started dating when they were 17. She lived with him the last 6 years. He is a very selfish guy. During the last 10 years he has cheated on her 3 times, gotten a DUI where she became his chauffer for 3 years, wasn't there for her when their dog was dying, wasn't there for her when she shattered her arm, is not at all complimentary, and certainly not warm and loving. He still drinks and parties on the weekends but will stay at a friend's house rather than drive. He works out 2 hours a day, 7 days a week, takes steroids and tans twice a week. Very into himself. These are a few of the highlights.
On the other hand he is a hard working guy who works for his Dad's company as does my daughter who works for my company. Both companies are successful.
Also, my daughter has her interests which is show jumping of horses. She rides 6 days a week while he worked out. She also went to shows several weekends a year.
In the past 7 years they talked about marriage and children but my daughter was obviously hesitant hoping and waiting for him to change. The change never came but she continued to hope.
This past summer was difficult for her at work, very stressful. She took the stress
home with her and was rather crabby which didn't help the situation.
His sister had a baby in September which forced the discussion about children again. And again, my daughter was hestitant.
Shortly after her boyfriend asked her to leave the townhome they shared as he said he needed time alone to think about their future together based on her hesitancy to marry and have children. On October 18th he ended the relationship entirely asking her to move all of her stuff out. She pleaded to stay with him telling him the month apart made her realize how much she loved him and wanted to marry and have a family with him. She also reminded him of all the things she had done for him, including driving him around 3 years during his DUI. His answer was, "I am sorry. I can't do the same for you."
She was extremely devistated. He was the only person she had ever dated, the only person she had ever planned to marry. They never communicated again after that though she still hopes that they may get back togther thinking he is just confused and needs time to figure things out.
In the meantime she is moving forward with her life, moving in with friends in Chicago, volunteering, catching up with old friends. She is slowly realizing he was not such a great guy. He wasn't the person she hoped he would become, probably never will be though she has not entirely given up on going back together with him if he showed he could change. She is also concerned about the likelihood of meeting someone at 32 and the possibility of never marrying and having a family.
On Christmas my son got a text from a friend stating that my daughter's boyfriend was in a new relationship and the girl he is now with is about 5 months pregnant. It was posted on her Facebook page as she is friends with his sister. I am sure this all happened due to a drunken encounter.
My daughter purposely is not on Facebook as she said she does not want to know or see him with another girl. It would be too devastating.
After all of this, my question to you is do I tell her about his new relationship and pregnancy so she no longer has any doubts that he is a scum bag and will never get back together with him? Or do I let her continue to heal as she is feeling much better about herself and the situation and either never tell her or tell her in about 6 months to a year? There is also always the possibility that she will find out from other friends at some point.
I am very worried that telling her will be unbelievably devastating, crushing, and she will lose all the progress she has gained and more. All I care about is her happiness and well being and what would be best for her.