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I need help with unrequited Limerence. I feel anxious, a bit depressed. I am trying to fight it but its really hard. I have the option to talk to my LO and see if I can"kill" the hope.. should I?
The problem has increased during the las couple of days. I used to date this girl 6 years ago, for just 2 months. But i got "stuck" in Limerence with her (until 1 day ago I found out what Limerence is)
I got back to Costa Rica after a year of being out of the country and I had overall 2 years of not talking or seeing her. I casually ran up into her in an airport in Japan... I though that was destiny. However she was dating someone at that time (I asked her out and she said she had to meet with her aunt from Italy).. now she is available. but last friday she went on a date with an acquaintance of mine, he is not really my friend although I do talk with him when we go out with all our friends in common. I am worried that I will have to start seeing her with him at events with friends, we have the same friends in common. I don't want to have limerence for her, I really don't. But I can't help it, I am on Paxil to help with anxiety but I still have these constant thoughts of worries in my head, ALL the time. I need help, I don't know what to do, how to approach this or how to get her OFF my head. I am worried what will happen to me if I start seeing her with her, I am scared. Please help
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
The best way to deal with her is to be frank and honest with her. Perhaps she actually feels the same way about you.
If she doesn't feel the same way, she might shut you out.
This is a very difficult situation for you.
I suggest that you get the following book, available at amazon.com and elsewhere.
Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love by Dorothy Tennov (Dec 29, 1998)
This is the definitive book.
Paxil is an antidepressant and not the best antianxiety medication.
A better antidepressant for anxiety is bupropion, which does not have sexual side effects or cause weight gain.
Do not quit your Paxil abruptly or you can have negative side effects.
If you have occasional anxiety you might talk to your physician about an antianxiety medicine that you can use on an as-needed basis. Ask your physician about a benzodiazepine antianxiety medication such as alprazolam, diazepam, clonazepam, or lorazepam.
If I can be of further assistance, please let me know.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Thank you for your response, I am not clear from the answer above if you are recommending me to talk to her or not? If she shuts me down it will be painful but I guess I could move on then (I don't know), but how do I manage to do it in such a way that it doesn't get weird if she continues to date the other guy who is part of my group of friends? I know I am in a very difficult position. I feel like I am not in control of my life, that this thing in my head is stronger than me. What I really want is to get my life back, I am not happy. I am never "present" always thinking about situations that relate to her. I have been trying to stop those thoughts but it is really hard.She is like a drug and I am addicted to her, I get all weird when we meet. I just want to be ME again, the way I was before I met her, the way I was 6 years ago, I want out of this Limerence thing. I need out, I want my life back, my happiness back and my head back. I am sorry if I am writing to much, I just don't know who to talk about this..
Thank you for your answer, at this point of my life I just want to be my normal self again. I want to feel I have control over my thoughts, I need to feel "present" again. I will do what you say, I will cut off contact with her. If she continues to date this guy who we have mutual friends it will be a bit difficult to stop seeing her, how could I manage to be strong when that happens?
Thank you. I will find a therapist soon, there are actually a lot of unpleasant memories I have of her I can use to help me balance my emotions. Just one more thing, I have a slight doubt or maybe hope that it can all work out, How can i tell if its real or if its just me and this limerence thing making things up? that is my final question on this.