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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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I put my favorite dog down of 7 years and I cant seem to care.

Resolved Question:

I put my favorite dog down of 7 years and I can't seem to care. I'm angry all the time and strive to hurt peoples feelings. I seem to find the bad in everything, everyone. I am unlikeable, even I don't like me. If I don't shape up soon I'm going to find myself friendless, which I am close to, familyless, and jobless, I'm a nurse and I hate my patients! Help! Please, I am ruining my life. I don't even believe in Christmas any more.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I am available to assist you

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm so sorry for your loss, it is as if a family member has died when we lose a beloved pet.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Anger is common with grief and loss- it's one of the stages that can be most difficult to get through.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

More than anything when we lose someone, something so precious we are hurt to the core, and must work through that grief.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

When did you put your dog down?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Would you join me in a live chat?

Customer:

November 11th. It was before then that I started being so angry, that situation just made me realize that it was so bad, my "new" personality.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's quite recent then- you were feeling more angry before that? Has there been other stressors or loss?

Customer:

My husband for whom I loved dearly left me a year ago

Customer:

It started before then though, it is part of the reason that he left

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sorry- that is a major loss- lots of loss for you- way too much for you- tips the scales.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You may find that you can continue to trace this back to an original hurt from your past.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

For some reason you have formed a wall, some sort of protection around you- to avoid further hurt- push people away.

Customer:

How do I stop this? I cannot stand being in the same room with myself! Im so mean to people and even seem to enjoy it at times, that is not me, I am a nurse because I love people

Customer:

I either change things or I am going to be in alot of trouble here. I have already had to change jobs. My brother wont talk to me any more, and the people at my new job ignore me because I am so unpleasant. I also say mean things to my Mom when she is trying to help.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You need to find a trusted friend, family member, or a counselor to get to the root of these emotions- hurt, fear, sadness, loss....You may need to process some uncomfortable emotions to get there- work through the layers. You love people- and this also can make one more susceptible to being hurt deeply- because you care so much. Us sensitive kind types get into the helping professions, feel deeply, and are more sensitive to hurt.

Customer:

I have no friends, I alienated them all. My family consists of a brother who wont talk to me, and an elderly Mom. What kind of professional help will be the best?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

What you describe reminds me of the movie Shrek- the donkey- very pleasant, happy go lucky, not a care in the world, is trying to gain Shrek's attention. The donkey works hard, even though Shrek is very mean and unpleasant. Eventually Shrek softens up a bit and tells the donkey he's like an onion- has layers. At the core of that onion is the original person, the loving, and caring.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

A masters level psychotherapist or psychologist would be appropriate.

Customer:

So is this a disorder?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I think you reaching out today is a big first step- waving the surrender flag, stating you need help.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you have symptoms of depression?

Customer:

I needed to reach out somehow, Im lonely! I dont really know the signs of depression, Im a cardiac ICU nurse. I know that I am so unhappy, I miss my old life so bad that I cannot forget that I had it good once and I blew it, I feel like, and realize, that I am VERY alone in this situation and I see no light at the end of this tunnel.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You sound easily agitated, do you have mood swings, high energy, low energy? Sleep problems, anxiety? These are all the questions a counselor would have to further evaluate you- to diagnose you. With such agitation and conflict in relationships you may want to research Borderline Personality Disorder. Bipolar has an agitation piece to it. Psych Central is a good resource for evaluating your symptoms- diagnosis.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You may also be experiencing some trauma in your job.

Customer:

VERY easily agitated, I can fly off the handle in a second, No high energy, mostly barely functional and uninterested in going any place at all. I work nights and have always had problems sleeping.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Your behavior indicates some deep seeded hurt. You need support to help you work through this- you do not have to feel so alone. Working nights, sleep issues can make all of this worse- contribute to it all.

Customer:

I have been told that about night before. I go and artificially tan weekly to try to curb that a bit however, I have worked nights for 20 years and this is new. My child hood was not so great however, I used to have such fun in life regardless.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You spend a lot of time alone- isolate from others, hopeless, helpless, lack motivation, lack interest in things, sleep problems, irritability- are all symptoms of depression. You could talk to your primary care doctor about your symptoms. Dr. may recommend medication, and or refer you to a counselor.

Customer:

Why am I so mean? I have an appointment with my primary care 3 months from now! I was hoping for a temporary fix to save my job to get through.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sometimes this stuff hits a person- half way through their life- a time of reflection- since you will live to be a 100 right!! Something to think about- we tend to create the thing we most fear- do you fear being alone, and thus in a sense have "cleaned house" of people, relationships.

Customer:

I think that I can get into a psych doc faster, should I go for that instead? Yes, I have always feared being alone in life, I was not allowed to have childhood friends come to the house, no parties, sleepovers, nothing. I want to have a hundred friends and do not even have one at this point. I have started dating s guy who only sees me once a week, claims that he loves me, but has no need for texts, or phone calls. The one day a week is wonderful however, I will loose that to if I dont shape up!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You may consider beginning to make amends to those you are hurting- such as those you work with. Begin identifying the hurt under the anger and agitation. You may have an extreme fear of being abandoned. What better way to avoid hurt than to push people away- if you are mean- they will back away, leave you alone equals lonely. You may consider doing some journal writing- listen to your heart- what is the hurt about. Trust what comes when you write- may surprise you what comes up.

Customer:

I do not believe that I am even capable of loving anything right now, my dog was so special and I dont even care that she is gone! No tears, no missing her...nothing. I try to journal things but I hate it too!

Customer:

I used to have a very outstanding creative side, and artistic side, jewelry making and such, GONE. I dont care if I ever make another piece of jewelry, I dont even see the beauty in art any more.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- check to see if you can get in to see a psych. sooner. A miracle question we use in therapy : If a miracle were to happen and while you were sleeping- things changed for the better- what would your life look like?- food for thought. You may have to do the opposite of what is coming natural for you- think about some exercise- writing, calling someone.You can get better- there is hope- healing- recovery.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Your soul is wounded- hurt. Similar to a broken leg you need treatment- support to help you through this. You may not be able to do this all on your own.

Customer:

My life would be what it was when I was married, and my dog was by my side.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You can recapture that happiness- recall other details of that time- what were you doing different?

Customer:

Im mean! I dont care anymore, Ive lost my dream job, my dream husband, and the best dog in the world. It was gradual though, I saw it coming and tried to fix it myself with positive thinking exercises, instead, I lost everything.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Looking back and feeling lots of loss and regret is depression- fear of the future is more anxiety. There is still that gem of you underneath all of this- has taken time to harden- will take time to soften you again. That "stinkin thinkin" can also get the best of us- us humans tend to think on the negative side- some more than others.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You may be stuck in the anger stage of grief- it's tough stuff to work through because it hurts to the core- the loss of a beloved pet- something that loves us so unconditionally.

Customer:

Perhaps.

Customer:

I will seek out the counseling. I have left such a path of destruction in my wake that it will, for sure, take a long time to regain any sense of happiness and well being.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This crisis, extreme loss and grief, may be an opportunity to begin on the road of healing. Hey your dog may have something to do with this- your dog wants you to be happy!!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Your dog's name?

Customer:

Chloe.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sweet!!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I had a cat Cleo!

Customer:

I still have Ollie but he has become afraid of me. I dont get physical with him, but I yell at things alot.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

One of the hardest days when we have to put a pet down. Ollie would have a lot to say if he could talk- he'd tell you it's time to get to the job of healing.

Customer:

Yes, we both want Mom back. I hope I can find me again. <y own daughter has abandoned me, I dont know where she is nor my granddaughter, I am afraid some of my wake is irreversible. I need to find me so that I can at least make up for from here. I may never see my daughter again however, if she was here, I want to make her proud of me, not disgusted with my behavior.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Today is the first day of the rest of our life!! I'm really glad you posted tonight- thanks for allowing me to chat with you. Allow others into your life- into your space- most people are good and kind. You do good and important work- you are in the field of healing, caring...It's time to attend to your heart. Yes- your family- daughter can motivate you.

Customer:

Thank-you. I needed some affirmation. Now I am sure of what needs to be done. Hope your holidays are blessed.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It does take courage to take those risks of allowing others to get close- no doubt!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Happy holidays to you! Take care- I wish you the best.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Let me know if I can help again some time.

Customer:

ok, thank-you

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you'd be so kind to accept/rate my answer okay or higher much appreciated!

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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