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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My boyfriends sister is very possessive, jealous

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My boyfriends sister is very possessive, jealous and although he has tried to get her to include and respect me she ignores me and tries to seek him out alone. she is often rude and says inappropriate things. When i have responded back rudely to her, she seems to only see that I have offended her. What type or is there a type of disorder like this so I can understand it and deal with it better. My boyfriend is trying to set limits with her and she gets very upset.


Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your boyfriend's sister is very insecure. People who are insecure often seek attention, even when it is hurtful to others and inappropriate. They seek to get their worth from others and when they are not paid attention to or validated, they become upset and act out like you describe your boyfriend's sister doing.

It is odd, however, that your boyfriend's sister is upset about your relationship with him. Usually, sisters are happy or indifferent about their brothers having relationships, but not jealous. Although insecurity is the most likely reason she is acting like this, it could also be that she has a personality disorder. Personality disorders are typically ingrained behaviors that someone develops, usually in response to being raised in a dysfunctional home. The person could not get their needs met (for unconditional love and attention) so they developed other ways to get what they needed which usually involved dysfunctional behaviors. When they grew up, they continued these behaviors even when they were no longer needed. That may be why your boyfriend's sister is jealous. She feels her brother is the only one to meet her needs and you are interfering with that.

To understand insecurity and personality disorders better, try these resources:

Either of these options might be what is going on with your boyfriend's sister. The information can help you pinpoint from your experiences with her which one fits the best.

In dealing with her, it may help to continue to ignore her. That is hard to do, but any response is only going to give her the attention she wants. If you give her nothing to respond to, then she has to create her own energy around this to keep going. Also, let your boyfriend deal with her and leave you out of it. The more you get involved, the more she can blame you for what she feels. But if your boyfriend deals with her, she will have a harder time blaming him and may get frustrated enough to stop.

I hope this has helped you,
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