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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello, I am a Software Engineer. I had a miscarriage in August

Resolved Question:

Hello,
I am a Software Engineer. I had a miscarriage in August 2012 and September 2012 I did D&C. Even after 3 months of this I am still upset with this trauma.Apart from secret crying I found that I am frequently fighting with my husband and nowadays I am not able to concentrate on my workplace. Also frequently misplacing or forgetting my belongings . I am realizing that I am over anxious about my next pregnancy , worried if next time there would be complication in my pregXXXXX XXXXXke last time even though my gynaeo promised me everything will be fine.Please let me know what to do and how to relax myself.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

You suffered a terrible loss and as with any loss, you need time to mourn. And everyone mourns at their own pace. It may help to know that the symptoms you describe are very common for someone who is experiencing grief. Lack of concentration, fighting with your partner and crying are symptoms from your loss.

What is most concerning is that you mention you are secretly crying. This seems to imply that you either feel you cannot show your grief to anyone, or that you do not have any support. Sharing your grief can help to heal and give you a way to feel less alone. So if it is at all possible, share what you feel with someone. Ideally, this would be your husband. But if he is not supportive, then someone else in your family or a friend. If there is no one (or even if you do have someone but want more support), then you may want to try on line support groups or forums. Talking to others who have been through similar experiences can go a long way to helping you feel better. Here is a resource to get you started:

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a15155/miscarriage_stillbirth_infant_loss_support

Also, give yourself time to grieve. Understanding grief and allowing yourself to go through the process can help you feel less fearful about your next pregnancy. Try this resource to help yourself understand grief:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

And if you can, talk with your husband about your feelings. If you feel you can, it will bring you closer and make this a shared experience rather than you being alone. If you feel you cannot talk with him, consider seeing a counselor together. It will help him to be open to your feelings and provide a bonding experience for both of you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I was expecting some mental exercise for me which could help me to lower my anxiety and give a mental relief.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry you were unhappy with your answer.

 

You can try to use deep breathing/ muscle relaxation to help reduce your anxiety. Here are instructions on how to perform the exercises:

 

 

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm

 

You can also practice distraction to help you cope with what you feel.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201107/how-deal-negative-emotions-reflect-or-distract-yourself

 

It helps as well when you find yourself feeling upset to find an object or thought that you can focus on. For example, if you choose an object, look at it and focus on the details. What is the shape, color, distinguishing marks, etc? See how much detail you can pick out. You will find when you do this that your bad thoughts recede and you feel better.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
3899 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.