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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Hi; I have a question about getting together with family during

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Hi; I have a question about getting together with family during this Holiday Season. My exended family all have their children and grandchildren to get together with. My husband and myself have nobody but each other. My dad is in a rest home and has Alzheimers so he doesn't even know whats going on, my mom is elderly and is getting mentally wierd, and whenever I do see my siblings they put me down and treat me with great disrespect and no regard for my feelings. What do we do, should we stay away from them? they don't come around any other time of the year. Now my mom has started verbal attacks on me when I talk to her. I am so hurt because I love them all so much but they are very self centered proud people and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells when I am around them. We come from so much disfunction from our childhood and they don't see it but I do and have worked through alot of it. Is it ok to not attend the family get together or as my mom put it "just shut up and put up with it!" What's your thoughts on this issue? Thanks! Clou

You should do what is healthy for you - not anyone else. You and your husband need to focus on starting traditions for yourself and not rely on others. Many times families will continue this dysfunction and get together for the sole reason of maintaining relationships that aren't working. Also for the desire to have family because of the positive experiences that others have. You can't recreate what never was. I may try to talk to your sibs when it isn't Christmas - see if you can have a functional relationship. If not you have to walk away. Fall back on starting traditions with your husband. Whatever that is. Set time aside to look at lights, have a glass of wine and make a toast - whatever the two of you can think off. You don't need negativity in your life for the sake of family. I hope that you can create your own traditions and live through them.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

so,I don't need to feel guilty for avoiding them and letting my mom down? you don't think I am being self centered by not being around them? Thanks for your feedback!

No you don't. If you wish find a relationship with your mom that includes the two of you. I don't think it is being self centered to not want to feel negative feelings during the holidays. Don't do anything out of obligation.
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