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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6877
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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After almost 41 years of marriage my husband decides to have

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After almost 41 years of marriage my husband decides to have an on line sexual affair. Our best Man from our Wedding sister came into town and invited us to a picnic. At the picnic she elaborated on how much of a crush she had on him.

I could not go I had hurt my foot) so he went and brings her back to our house. I was furious. He said he knew I didn't like a certain restaurant and asked if they could go. I should have said no but didn't. So he was gone over 3 1/2 hours. I chastised him for being away so long where else did he go?

Well, needless to say they had been emailing texting each other since April of this year. Finally I got him emailing her on June 30 and read all the sexual emails between them I was devastated. He promised me he would tell her they were done and let me read the email. But I knew he didn't want to that. so I find out for another 2 months later they are still at it.

That did it! First of all, he had no legitimate reason to do this to me. I wished I could go in to detail here but I won't take up more time. he swore he was not in touch. but he continues to lie. There is so much more to this story I can't get it all in.

The man never had to spend any time doing any chores nothing inside the out or outside I did everything. Plus I worked. I spoiled him...my fault and then he took me for granted obviously. He's so afraid of losing me I told him he should hav had a conscience that told him don't cheat on her you fool.

He had no remorse while doing it. I've been a good loving, wife always, it wasn't about sex I told him I was always up for that. So why would he do something to ruin our marriage. To me sorry isn't enough.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
This is one of the most tragic stories I have heard. It must be devastating to devote yourself to someone who is injured and then have him have an affair. You have to be consistent and follow through with whatever your boundaries are. This is the only way for a partner to truly understand that their behavior is unacceptable. He has to know that you will not take this behavior lightly. I would not focus on her role in this beyond letting her know that you know. The issue is his irresponsible and hurtful behavior. I would find what he is willing to do for this marriage and hold him to this. Ask him if he is willing to see a marriage counselor. That will truly gage the level of his motivation. This should contribute to the decisions you make. A person that doesn't want to go is sending a message. I am truly sorry for your situation
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

To me it is also tragic. We're I have to say a handsome couple for our age and who he chose isn't attractive at all. Kind of opn the chunky side .I've always made sure I stayed fit for my husband to keep this kind of thing from happening. A lot of good that did me.


 


Is there specific questions I could be asking him. LIke I said so much more is involved. Over the marriage span he would turn from me without reason and I would ask what's wrong and the answer was always the same, "I don't know." He pull away and then come back to me again like nothing was wrong. I gave up asking he wasn't talking.


 


He keeps telling me what a big mistake it 's and only me he loves. I was his first Love and we married 5 months later. I thought we were happy.


 


So please what can I ask him to tell me to help us through this?

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Let him know your pain. He has to show the commitment necessary to change the choices he is making. The key question here is he willing to put in the effort, motivation, time to repair this relationship because nothing else is going to suffice. Find out if he is willing to whatever is necessary to be a good husband again. That is your starting point. He ha to show you that he is not just willing to give lip service to renew your relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


He say he is sorry and want to be a better husband I've done a lot of online searching asking questions but wanted you imput of what to ask. I caught them emailing June 30 and he broke it off while I watched him type. But 6 days later she emails him again and want to be just friends so my dumb ass husband continued to email. He told her nothing sexual.. I caught them again and said what didn't you get about no contact with her.


 


He didn't keep his promise. Anyways I was hoping for a little more info that you provided I know what you said already by surfing. I was looking for a new angle. He said he doesn't want to lose me well, yeh, when you have a maid, nurse maid, cook etc who the heck would want that to disappear. Nothing more in the way of offering some questions for me to ask, Huh?

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
You should ask him: how badly he wants to save his marriage and if this is so badly that this includes NO contact with her. Can he break off contact completely forever if it means saving his marriage; will he commit to long term therapy that will address the issues in the marriage; can he commit to not engaging in friendship/relationships that damage the marriage more severely in the future; will he go to whatever therapy necessary to save this marriage; will he assure you that no contact is made for any reason with her
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I want to thank you for your input. I also forgot to tell you I made him and he was willing to sign a Post Nuptial Agreement. I want to protect myself for the future.I just wished I knew how to get the visions of the sex mail out of my mind. Seeing him and her together.


when we first got back together in June it was hard to keep the picture out of my head what he wanted to do to her. I told him so then when I found out he didn't stop contact we've not been in bed since.

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Protect yourself and your well being. Don't let him tear you apart. Settle only for what you deserve
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you and Merry Christmas


I already told him the is the worst F$&*@# XXXXX and Christmas I have ever had.


 


 


Byeeeeee

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Think positive for a better year
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6877
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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