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Do you think then it's a good idea to go alone first for counelling and then invite him later as i feel i need to fix myself first. He also is very short tempered, gets worked up very easily and whenever we have a disagreement he shuts down and builds this wall with no communication for days on end, as a result of fear of his rejection i follow suit. Because i do not have parents and only have an older sister he expects me or rather we do most things with his family and i find that he doesn't see anything wrong with the boundaries that are not set between himself and his sister which makes it hard to even sharing other sensitive information as he tells her everything. Is this healthy for him to be more forthcoming and open with his sister, at times he can't make his own decisions without consulting her. I may be on my control trip again,am I don't know.
It is troubling that him and sis are so connected. For some people it can be viewed as almost codependent. One should be able to make decisions on their own. I would attend counseling on your own. It is very common for a spouse to be brought in by the counselor later. Then you are coming from a healthier place. I would encourage you to at first address your needs in counseling and try to refrain from specifics with him until you can be sure he will be supportive
Be back later