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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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how to get over an ex husband

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how to get over an ex husband of 20 years. its been 3 years and he has a new partner and parents her child while not emotionally supporting me with ours who are 17 and 19. he moved interstate


It is very hard to leave a long relationship and move on when you were so emotionally involved. One thing you want to avoid is romanticizing. This is when you remember all the good times and forget the worst. This causes one to think more unrealistically about the relationship. You should remember the things that went wrong - not to dwell on them but to keep in the forefront why it didn't work. You can also find a mountain of material in the self help aisle about moving on which will help in depth to aid in this regard. I would also find social outlets in your community so that by replacing this connection you begin to find new ways to connect with other people. Push yourself to find new ways to have a social atmosphere again. Finally if you find yourself stuck emotionally then find a counselor who will do the work to start a new beginning that does not involve him. You have to reach out socially and emotionally to others. If you have an interest pursue that so you can begin to find your place romantically even if it feels irrelevant to participate in something. You have to make baby steps and they will lead to larger steps
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have done most of those things you suggest but can dwelling on the past become obsessive. and i feel like its grief but without the funeral.

so do i need to look at over coming an obsession?

A relationship is like a death. We call it grieving a relationship. You may need support and guidance in getting through this relationship. With guidance and time you will heal. Sometimes time alone is the motivating factor. Also find a counselor that will give you some of this support. It is okay to ask for help. I wouldn't call this an obsession unless your thinking about this is at the expense of everything else. With an obsession that is usually your sole focus. It is probably just the grief
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