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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am 43 and dated a woman who is 40 we are both divorced and

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I am 43 and dated a woman who is 40 we are both divorced and we each have kids.Mine are 21 18 11 hers are 13 10.We dated for 4 yrs both of us wanted to get married to one another and have everything two people could ever ask for in another. She told me something was going on with her kids and she could handle it she wouldn't tell me what the problem was just she didn't want to tell me anything bad about them. We ended it because she says her kids can't live with anyone's kids full time and she can't either.With a great relationship that we have shouldn't we have worked on this
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Working on whatever issue came up for your girlfriend would have been ideal. You seemed to have had a solid relationship for four years and for her to suddenly end it over an issue with her kids seems unfair to you. And not being willing to even tell you what the problem was leaves you with no relationship and no idea what caused it to end. That is not fair to you either.

It sounds like something occurred which your girlfriend felt she could not handle. Either something happened with her child that she felt would harm your relationship and your children, her child refused to be part of the family with you and your kids in it or she simply chose her children over your relationship. Blended families often create issue for a couple and it appears that your girlfriend may not have been ready for the responsibility that created.

Continue to encourage her to seek help with you. But if she keeps refusing, try going to counseling yourself. You have suffered a loss of a very important person in your life and all of your hopes about your future together. A therapist can help you cope and give you the support you need right now.

Also, decide for yourself if you want to stick around to see if she will change her mind. If she is unwilling to do so, it may be holding you back from finding a relationship where there is a commitment and a future for you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

 

 

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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