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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5581
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi there,Im a 39 year old man. OKMH1208211

Resolved Question:

Hi there, I'm a 39 year old man. I have a serious issue. Haven't been able to aks my general practioner or specialist to this issue so I hope you can help. My elder brother 11 years my senior is causing me considerable distress which I haven't been able to discuss with my family (a elder sister and mother). He keeps distressing me with shouting and offensive words due to innocent situations which are not my fault. I'm worried by his actions and all my efforts to my family and him seem to benefit with no avail due to extremely tempermental actions. I respect he's elder etc etc and my dutie in my family but I haven't been able to discuss this with a psyche or anybody for a long time. I take 5 mg cipralex my self due to the stresses and strains in life and am stable generally or almost all the time. I feel he's trying to bring on anxiety attacks in situations that require patience and my patience is running outdue to his snappy manners. He bosses every situation about and shouts at me when these situations are out of my control. Please help/advise me. Whats his problem? And am I potentiating these situations. I haven't come across any body like this in my sphere with this attitude. C'ant ask my g.p as he is biased towards my family members as its a problem with me as I take meds (cipralex) which confuses the situation. Any ideas what this sibbling temperment may be?

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your brother may have a personality issue. Yelling at you and trying to boss you around is not respecting you, it's hurting you instead, which is putting his needs before yours. It also sounds like he is unable to handle his own emotions, so he takes them out on you (and maybe others).

People who are negative tend to be difficult to be around because they affect how you feel about things. And if they take the negativity further and act out in harmful ways (toxic behavior), then you can begin to feel stressed, upset and anxious about being around them. Their behavior can sometimes be considered a Personality disorder in Psychology. Here is a link to help you see how they relate:

http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders

Toxic people can include family, co workers and even friends or neighbors. Being around them feels draining and unsettling. Their issues can be the result of mental illness or past abuse, where they learned to cope with the loss of love and care by adapting their behavior to get attention.

There are different types of toxic behavior. Some people feel they know everything and everyone else does not, some criticize and predict doom and gloom with every situation and others are dramatic, making a big deal out of everything. They can also focus a lot on themselves, making you feel insignificant and bothersome. Some are emotionally draining, needing your help with everything.

One of the best ways to deal with toxic people is to try to eliminate them from your life, but if you cannot avoid them completely, as is the case with family like your brother, try reducing your contact as much as possible. Avoid contact unless you must be in the same place. When he talks with you, offer short, neutral responses. If he tries to rope you into an emotional situation, have a neutral response ready like, "Sorry you feel that way" no matter what they say to you. Repeat as needed until he loses interest and leaves. And keep in mind, he may be your elder but that does not give him permission to hurt you.

The only way to cope with toxic people is to reduce contact as much as you can. Unfortunately, everyone at one time or another must deal with people who act out. It helps to seek out others who are not toxic and develop good relationships so you can have a balance in your life.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5581
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Thankyou. for your discerning response. I didn't know these facts before and I'll try these steps from now on and reducing contact. Thankyou : )

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! It is not easy to deal with a family member that treats you poorly. It can bring up all kinds of emotions and you can easily feel overstressed. Do your best to take care of yourself- relax, eat well, sleep well and talk to someone about how you feel. It can help you cope with your stress level.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5581
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.