Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly trying to make the best life you can for your family. And you are accepting of the fact that in order to do that there are trade-offs: some things are good, some bad. Some are fun, some not. Some are fair, some not. You accept that.
Your wife doesn't live that way. She's much more intense and has to have things go well to feel well. And, of course, they aren't going well all the time. And she's not accepting of the trade-offs like you are.
Therefore, the most important thing is for her to feel like you're on her side. That you see how things are tough for her. You will need to "swallow" your realistic view and be supportive when she complains and wails about how mean and cruel and racist everyone here is. In other words, rather than trying to calm her down and make her see it's not so bad, you're going to need to tell her she's right and how brave she is to put up with it.
This is not going to work all the time, but it will help a lot. So that's the first thing. This is very important. And it's also important that you're moving your practice slowly so you can be there to reinforce for her that her culture is good and that the culture here is not fair, etc.
Second, given that you're doing well, you need to have her visit her family often. I have worked with people from the Middle East with large families and often it is very explosive. Visits can be very stressful. But they tend to thrive on that stress and explosiveness. And again, as long as you take her side, that will be good. It will help her remember in herself (even if she doesn't admit it) why she doesn't want to live back home. And why it's better here.
A third strategy is if you can get her to volunteer. That is not as pressurized as being in the work force. She may begin to feel better about herself without needing you to reinforce her sense of worth so much. Perhaps in your son's school. Or in some other activity. Joining a support group for people with lap bands may be a social outlet as well.
The idea here is counterintuitive in terms of your attitude. You need to NOT try to calm her down. Rather, you need to keep supporting her view of things. That will calm her down and make her feel not so all alone.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark