Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I am so sorry for your irreplaceable loss.
This is probably the most difficult loss anyone could possibly have.
You are going through the stages of grief that we all go through, and your thoughts and actions are normal and typical, although I realize this is little compensation.
The best thing that I can do for you is to list for you the seven stages of grief so that you can understand where you are and how your grief will progress over time.
Understanding it won't make the pain go away but will help you understand that it is a process.
You will never completely be free of grief but your feelings will slowly evolve.
The first stage is: Shock and Denial - reacting with numbing disbelief, feeling disoriented, possibly guilty about what you did or could have done to prevent it. You go to the cemetery to try to retrieve him or be with him . This is your way of protecting yourself from the full force of sorry that you feel which could overwhelm you. This is your circuit breaker, but it is probably in vain. Fortunately, you are not self-medicating with alcohol or drugs.
The second stage is: . Pain and Guilt- as the shock begins to wear off, a period of great pain and sadness will follow and it will include remorse about things that you imagined you did. Life will feel chaotic and perhaps a bit frightening, but you must endure it and feel the full force of the pain. Going to the cemetery is just a way of avoiding the pain, but you are not letting yourself go through the healing process of grief if you are still thinking this way. You will begin to relent.
The third stage is: Anger and Bargaining - you may lash out others (friends and family) and blame them, because you need to find an outlet for your pent-up emotions. You may be angry at "fate" or the higher powers.
The fourth stage is: Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness - Others might think that it is time for you to "come around" and get on with your life, but you may continue to feel despair, and reflect on the past and what might have been.You might even withdraw from friends for awhile. This is normal. Don't let them talk you out of this process. You must see it through.
The fifth stage is: The Upward Turn - As you start to adjust to life without your son, it will become calmer and more organized, and you will not feel the physical strain of depression and sadness.
The sixth stage is: Reconstruction and Working Through - As you begin to function normally, your thought processes become more normal, and you start to think through life independent of your past relationship. You will begin to solve current social and financial needs.
The seventh stage is: Acceptance and Hope - This is the final stage in this model of grief. You will learn to accept reality and deal with it effectively. You may not find the same level of happiness before, at least not right away, and may be a sadder but wiser person, but you will now move forward with your life.
I have taken the trouble to discuss this grief model as a way of showing you hope. You will stop focusing on your son every hour of every day as soon as the futility of it sets in. It will wear off a bit for you, and you will eventually function more normally.
The sorry will never leave you, but you will have to go through this over time. There is no substitute for this. Only the slow, painful grinding wheel of time.
thank you and can I have your phon nr to cotact and come to your office ,if it is in mission viejo CA?if I need consuelor?
I am not permitted to give my phone contact but I can give you information on how to get help in Mission Viejo.
Please give me a minute.
thanks Dr I need it and appriciate it
Do you prefer English or Spanish?
OK. Please give me a minute.
I have found a very competent Farsi speaking PhD psychologist very close to you. She seems lovely.
Her name isXXXXX Here is her information.
I have a website for her too
I got thanks
Thank you so much. May God protect you.
Please remember to give me positive feedback to that JustAnswer can acknowledge my good work. Thank you so much.