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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5099
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Guilt and how to address it

Resolved Question:

I'm struggling with guilt. It may take too long to type the issue.


Is there an online chat or telephone option?


 

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.


The site has a chat option but now that you're offline, we're in question/answer mode. But online chat still requires you to type everything, so I don't know if that solves the issue of needing to share more than you're comfortable typing.


Telephone therapy is not part of the site; however, there are many therapists that do telephone therapy. Here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (they show you a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list telephone therapy.


http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

I work with people via Skype nowadays as opposed to telephone. I find that the ability to see each other is much closer to people actually being in my office in session and talking together face to face. So you can consider Skype as well.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
For dr mark

Ok this is it.
I'm engaged. I am deeply in love with my fiancé. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and the best thing in my life. She is catholic.
I've been dealing with moderate stress and moderate depression for some time.
On a trip recently I went to a sexual massage parlor. I did not accept the "relief" on offer but the massage was highly sensual and includes some touching of private areas. I also went to a strip club for An hour and had a lap dance (I wAs fully clothed)
I justified this to myself at the time as being something I deserved as I was under so much stress and also thought it might help our sex life, with little downside as it was comparatively innocent.
However since coming back and seeing my wonderful fiancé I have become very depressed and guilty and withdrawn for the last week. I think talking to her about it would hurt her deeply and she wouldn't understand. It might permanently damage our relAtionship.
I didn't anticipate these feelings and have decided not ever do anything like this again.
But not sure what to do about my guilt and depression. Can u help
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how confusing and distressing this situation must be for you. You are clearly a good man and have good values. You are also a man and recognize the temptations of this world exist. And now you know the temptations are actually very tempting.

I want you to recognize that feeling guilt is a good thing. You are treating guilt as something bad and overpowering. But it is not; it is something that we are granted (if you are a religious man like your fiance, then by G-d) to help us recognize what our values really are and how to return to them.

Remember: the purpose of temptation is to be tempting. Sexual temptation is one of the strongest in the world (with food, money, etc.). And human sexuality is almost all in our fantasy, in our brains. That's why if we are sad, anxious, etc. we have no sexual desire: because our brain's pleasure center is completely on shut-off status when these emotions override it.

Therefore, it's most important that you not turn this into an issue between the two of you. There is no reason for her to know what occurred if she will not find out from others. You were tempted by these pleasures of the world and you tried them.

You have come out from them now feeling guilt. That means that you recognize now what your values really are even more than you did before. So, remember:

To let the guilt turn into shame and depression is to lose the real spiritual purpose of the guilt: if you let it become shame and depression, you will only be tempted even more to repeat this type of behavior because you will keep telling yourself you are unworthy, you're not really a good person, you're a fake, etc.

But if you use guilt the way it was intended, to clarify your values, then you can commit even more strongly to your values and your fiance. You can say that you really, really do believe in these values and in your loyalty to her. This is the truly religious way to treat guilt. The other way is to turn it into shame and depression, and that's not healthy.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5099
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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