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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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How can I deal with husbands depression? He become very stressed

Customer Question

How can I deal with husbands' depression? He become very stressed and depressed over money and relations with his kids from previous relationship who are asking for money all the time and should be working by now. He's drinking every day now not sleeping well went to see gp but only admitted he's trouble sleeping so got sleeping tablets that don't work on him any more. He is blaming me for all the troubles and forgets he has a 22m do who doesn't see him at all .
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

You are in a very difficult and evidently deteriorating situation.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Right from the start, what do your gut instincts tell you to do?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Are you with me? \

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Evidently you are unable to respond at present, so I will continue.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Right now you are doing your level best. You are doing THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB - caring for your baby

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Your husband may be on his way to become a total alcoholic, a common and very destructive means of 'self-therapy'. He must be helped right away or your relationship will fall apart and he will personally deteriorate.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

If you have somewhere to go (such as family) then you might consider moving out for a break if he refuses help and will not change course.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

If that is not sufficient, you might consider divorce. Under those terms he will have to support you and the baby.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I do not recommend that you do this EXCEPT AS A LAST RESORT. However, if he knows you are considering this drastic move, he may come around and realise that he has gone way too far.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Sometimes only a great shock can make a difference.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

It seems as if he also fallen into depression. and is spiraling downward.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Drastic times take drastic measures.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Since you are not here for feedback, please get back to me with any other concerns about this that you may have.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I would like to be able to help you though I realise that your situation is difficult.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

If you have nothing else to add, please give me positive feedback. I am hoping to hear from you, however, because if feel great empathy for you and your little one.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you courage and strength.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Mr Sewell thanks for a quick reply... I'm considering moving out because I tried so many times to talk to him but it is all the same still only one after a big fight on our holiday and him disappearing at night to go drinking all night he promised to change and stayed sober for a week after that it was back to old ways... every time he said he was sorry and we were ok for a month then same again and now its about week no change and he's now out tonight at the christmas party will come back late and drunk ...I would ignore that and then wait for him to say sorry only my son is now more aware what's going on and if he's drunk and loud at home what should i do? christmas is coming i'd like to go away to see my mother if nothing changed because he scares me now.. on the other hand im also afraid to leave him alone....whenever i said he is drinking too much he denies it says it's only 2glasses of wine which is never true but anyway before we used to drink together and go out but he would never behave irrationally and was never abusive towards me ..I sometimes think it's him becoming a father and my husband that ruined it all and gave him one more child to care about financially and he can't bear it now... How can I change it all now ? what can i do to take a stress away if i can't help him by going to work myslef...

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear Eve,

It is Christmas. Spend it with your mother.

You didn't sign up for this. He is a big boy and he has been taking care of himself, in his own fashion for nearly half a century.

He is in a cycle of self-destruction now and you being there with him will only drag you down. You and the baby should be with your mum and experience a lovely family Christmas. He will remember this Christmas. Make it a good memory, not one of fear, terror, uncertainty, and lies.

Go for the holidays, take your best valuables. You may not want to return after a few weeks return to normalcy and peace of mind.

He does not need you to witness or document his further decline. If anything, your absence will wake him up if you mean anything to him. If not, then you will get that strong message. Your 22 month old is the baby, not him.

I wish you great strength and perseverance.

May you have a blessed and peaceful holiday.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
You added some more information while I was answering you.

There is NOTHING you can do to take his stress away. He needs help that you cannot give him. You are being his object of abuse which may help him momentarily but it is tearing you apart.

He must settle his own problems. He should be nurturing you, and not you nurturing him.

I wish you continued strength.

Best wishes,

Elliott

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.