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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I was dating an older man (14) 68 year old man. He was a bit

Resolved Question:

I was dating an older man (14) 68 year old man. He was a bit demanding about my commitment issues and made me feel as though I was not a good commitment person as I did not want to make our new relationship a priority in my life. I wanted to take it slowly. Whey I had a moody moment he ended it and did not even want to work it out. So why such a quick retreat when he was the one pushing for seriousness.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Most likely it was because he wanted to have control and have the relationship on his terms. Part of the issue could have been the age difference. Although in most relationships age doesn't matter that much (or the couple adjusts in some way), in some relationships men will see the age different as a reason to tell you what to do and to run your life, sort of like parental role rather than as an equal.

Another issue could have been his personality. Some people like control, for a variety of reasons, and the see relationships as challenges to keep control of the other person's actions. Sometimes this control can be mild, such as with what activities you do together, and sometimes it can be severe, such as who you are allowed to see, contact with family gets cut off and he chooses what you wear and where you go.

Either way, your partner was basically telling you that what you needed was not as important as his own needs. By not allowing you to feel moody, he was basically saying your feelings are not allowed in the relationship. What you felt was normal. Everyone has times they feel great and times they feel down or moody. If he is unable to cope with that, it has more to do with him than with you.

This may be a good time for you to consider another relationship. Unless he is willing to work this through and let you be an equal part of the relationship, then it may only get worse the longer you are with him.

I hope this helps you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Thank you so much for the positive rating and bonus! I appreciate it very much.

My best to you,

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I am feeling so depressed and just want him back.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If you feel he can treat you better and more of an equal, then working to get him back is feasible. The key is to be sure he won't use your desire to be in a relationship as a way to control you. Go slowly and re establish contact with him. See how he behaves. And if he does the same thing again, you may need to move on. In the meanwhile, you may want to get some counseling to help you cope with what he is doing and just for the support.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.