It is clear to me that your wife has personality and/or other Psychiatric issues.
She would benefit from Psychiatric assistance, but in reading what you write, it is unlikely that she is going to follow through with seeing a Psychiatrist. No Psychiatrist on earth can effect change if the patient is not motivated to change and committed to the treatment process.
If she has a Personality Disorder (which is sounds as she does) they are very difficult to treat and a person has be motivated to change. Unfortunately, I do not see this here.
As I suggested above, you are going to have to make some choices about what you have control of and that is YOU. You cannot fix your wife if she is not willing to change.
Again, I would encourage you to talk to a counselor individually to get some help and support in determining difficult choices that you may have to make regarding this.
I wish there was a magic wand to effect the change you desire - there isn't and this is what you have to come to accept for yourself and the welfare of your children.
The following link addressed Personality Disorders in Depth.....There is also a support forum for persons (like you ) that are involved/married to someone with a Personality Disorder. I trust it will help.http://www.outofthefog.net/index.html
I wish you the very best with this most difficult issue.
Please leave positive rating so that I receive credit for my time.