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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Once a narcissist categorizes a woman as either a Madonna or

Customer Question

Once a narcissist categorizes a woman as either a Madonna or a Whore in his relationship, does he ever change that classification? Madonna to Whore and vise versa?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists are very cunning individuals. Their actions are meant to control and manipulate others. They are the best liars and deceivers and con artists. In fact, most con-artists are narcissists.These judgmental labels are not said to necessarily fix something in reality, but to elicit a specific response to control the woman that they are labelling.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

It is a means to some end.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

This means that if it suits the narcissist's need to reverse the label, then he or she will change the label to suit the need. The need is to dominate the person.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I see that you are in chat. What would you like to add or follow-up with? I am here at your service at the moment.

Customer:

Long term meaningful relationships are not to be expected or encouraged with someone labeled a narcissist. Would this be a correct conclusion?

Customer:

A Healthy relationship

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

.No, not really. because a narcissist lacks the ability to feel empathy for others.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

They cannot feel or care about the pain or suffering or feelings of others besides themselves.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

It is hard for a non-narcissist to fathom, because we are not built that way.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

It is something you expect and want, and can't ever get.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Has that been your experience?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

They can fake it, but they can't feel it.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Sometimes for a mother they can.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I did mean to agree with your conclusion. It is correct.

Customer:

I'm coming off of a relationship from a text book narcissist. I wasn't aware of his disorder going in. In fact my research after I left the relationship has answered so many questions therefore making my ability to move on easier.

Customer:

So yes first hand I can say with conviction, any one suspecting they're dealing with one should turn and RUN not WALK while you still have your sanity,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I understand exactly. It is almost inexplicable that other humans can be so different on the level of empathy and concern, but once you understand about narcissists, a lot of questions are answered.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Frankly, I wish I had done the same thing years ago, but at that point did not know.

Customer:

My original question was my own personal curiosity in trying to settle the dust in my own head,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists are hard to treat because they believe that they are so superior that there are few who could ever understand them.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

You were devil or angel, which ever assignation suited his ability to control your emotions or behavior.

Customer:

He became so hostile towards me. From where does that stem? I should be the one pissed off!

Customer:

And so this could change (devil,angel) several times a day if he deemed necessary then?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists always try to turn their victims into the perpetrators. It is one of the common ways of controlling others. Blame the victim.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Did it work to confuse and weaken your resolve and to control you?

Customer:

Indeed.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

He was just doing what he does best, XXXXX XXXXX end justifies the means.

Customer:

Thank You very much for the information.

Customer:

didit worde

Customer:

did it work you ask?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Yes.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

He will try to get you under his control again if he needs something from you.

Customer:

not very well. lots of arguing as a result

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

And this weakened you, and so it took a while to get away from him?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

And now you understand how he is and he has lost his grip on you. it seems.

Customer:

Its my nature Things have to make since to me in order to be acceptable. And so many things he said didn't and the debate was on usually ending in an arguement

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

That is not the kind of relationship anyone wants.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

You have gone offline so I will switch you to Q & A mode. If you have any follow-up needs don't hesitate to get back to me.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I would appreciate positive feedback for my service. Thank you so much.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Elliot, This is Cynthia. I apologize but that we were disconnected earlier during our conversation. I was actually traveling on the backroads here in Arkansas where service isn't always available in the mountains. Hopefully in the near future we can pickup where we left off. I'll have plenty of questions I'm sure. One detail, I don't know that he has lost his grip completely, it's only been forty eight hours (this time) but Elliot I've walked out on countless occasions over the past six months. However this time I feel empowered because I have educated myself with information about his disorder therefore giving me a more clear and accurate vision of what's been happening. If I remove all the feelings and emotions from the equation setting them off to the side and then evaluate the facts from events as they occurred during the relationship I see what an ugly, discusting situation I've been wasting my life with. ( Knowledge is power). I plan to stay focused and move forward. Talk to you soon

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear Cynthia,

From rural Arkansas to rural Kentucky. the conection has been re-established.

It is so hard to break bonds we have established, even when we know they are negative and hurting us. We miss the good feelings we had, even when they are delusions. You must do all in your power to resist this perverse temptation. Leave yourself notes that say things like "NO" or "BE STRONG" or "NEVER GO BACK" or "RESIST EVIL".

That will help you stay focused and move forwad as you wish.

I wish you continued strength.

Warmest regards,

Elliott

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.