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Dr. Autumn
Dr. Autumn, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 38
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience working with children and teens.
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My wife of thirty years had a one night stand with a younger

Customer Question

My wife of thirty years had a one night stand with a younger man. I find this very exciting and not at all disturbing. What are your thoughts about my reaction. Thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Autumn replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Autumn :

Hello!

Dr. Autumn :

I'm happy to talk with you about this.

Dr. Autumn :

It seems like a really good thing that you are paying attention to how you actually feel about this, rather than just jumping to being angry.

Customer: Heading to breakfast. Please give a written reply. Thank you
Dr. Autumn :

No problem! Enjoy your breakfast.

Expert:  Dr. Autumn replied 1 year ago.

I have a few questions for you that might help me provide a better answer...

 

The first is, did you know that she was going to do this, and if you did not know, how did you find out?

 

I think that so much about your response to her actions is based on how you feel about her. Do you find her more desirable now? If so, is it because someone else finds her desirable? In my experience, when people respond as you did, it's because they see their partner in a new light. People who have been in relationships for a long time often forget that their partners are still attractive and desirable to other people. Sometimes, one night stands like this remind people of these things.

 

The next step is to think about where you go from here. Would you be upset if she did this again? What (if anything) does this mean to you about where you stand with her and what your relationship will be like.

 

Let me know what you think about these things, and we can continue to discuss this.

 

Thanks for letting me help you with this!

Dr. Autumn

 

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I encouraged her to do this with a young repairman that she told me was attractive I thought it might help our sex life
Expert:  Dr. Autumn replied 1 year ago.
Has it helped with your sex life? And, how does she feel about it?

It sounds like you are obviously ok with the decision, but has it improved your relationship in the way that you hoped?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It has helped our sex life a lot and I believe it is perhaps a good test of a relationship. I like to talk about it but my wife does not. I wish she would like to talk about it but I think she is embarrased. Thanks for your very helpful comments
Expert:  Dr. Autumn replied 1 year ago.
I'm glad that it actually helped your sex life, and your relationship. I think that it can be helpful (possibly for both of you) to look at this as a "tool." Some people go to a sex shop to find something to spice up their relationship. Others go see a therapist. It sounds like this might really be the thing that the two of you needed to help your relationship. It's also important to remember that the two of you are the ones who should decide what is right for your relationship. So, if you decide that this is what you needed, and you can move on from here, then that's great. Don't let other people decide for you. Also, it might be good to just check in with your wife about why she is embarrassed about it, and just continue to assure her that this is ok, and that you believe that your relationship will continue to improve from here (if that is what you believe).
Dr. Autumn, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 38
Experience: Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience working with children and teens.
Dr. Autumn and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Great job. I really think your comment that this can be a tool for our relationship is a good idea thank you very much. Hope to work with you again in the future
Expert:  Dr. Autumn replied 1 year ago.
Thanks so much! I would be happy to help you any time in the future.

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