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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Many years ago as a young girl I became involved with a man

Resolved Question:

Many years ago as a young girl I became involved with a man who was extremely abusive. When I last saw him in December, 1988, I was approximately 8 weeks pregnant. He attacked me, raped me, then tried to induce a miscarriage. My 8 year old daughter heard me crying and called my mother, who called the police. This was back in the day when it was believed that a man couldn't "rape" his wife. The police removed him from the home and I never saw him again. My daughters recently (8 weeks ago) began speaking with him on Facebook and although I hoped he had changed and was at least a bit remorseful for what he had done, nothing could be further from the truth. He apparently feels that his absence from my childrens' lives over the past 23 years can be attributed at least partially to me and that he was so traumatized following the dissolution of our marriage that he had to move far away and move on with his life. He told my youngest daughter he didn't know about her until she contacted him. I have been very angry and upset about his presence in my daughters's lives, mostly because he continues to lie to them and they seem unwilling or unable to confront him, even when they know it is a lie. When I was speaking with my oldest daughter, trying to explain how upset I am (she has already begun calling him "Dad", which is a huge slap in the face to my husband, the man who has raised and supported them over the past 17 years), she told me she couldn't talk to me about this any more, stating that I am "crazy" to be this upset. I don't know how to handle his presence in their lives and still maintain my sanity. I don't know how to deal with the fact that the man who raped and terrorized me is back, unrepentent and basically laughing at how painful this is for me, trying (and apparently succeeding) to cause problems with my relationship with my daughters by lying to them.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Customer:

Hi.

Dr. L :

I am so very sorry that this man is back in your life! The trauma you experienced back then is now being brought into the present - a present which you worked very hard to build. Your shock, anger, disappointment and disbelief are all understandable and reasonable. That your daughters are wanting you to see him in a positive light is not possible at this point....and may never be.

Customer:

How do I keep this from damaging my relationship with them?

Dr. L :

Let's look at some things you can do to make sense of what is happening and to cope with this situation.

Dr. L :

Yes...that is a major issue.

Dr. L :

Please tell me what they know about him...do they know you were raped and beaten? Where do they think he has been all these years and why he walked away from their lives? Did he ever pay child support or provide anything?

Customer:

Over the years I told them very little about him other than his name, his heritage, etc. I told them he was abusive, but didn't go into any detail. He told them he was traumatized after our relationship ended (he told them that his memory of how our relationship was differed from mine). He moved, remarried and started a family. He has two children from his subsequent relationship. These children are slightly younger than my daughter (the one I was pregnant with when he attacked me for the last time). He has never provided any child support and in fact, has never seen my youngest child.

Customer:

I have now told them what happened the last time I saw him. My oldest daughter remembers him attacking me and remembers that she had to call the police. But it seems she is unwilling to discuss this with him, instead choosing to allow him to lie to her.

Customer:

Actually, she called my mother, who called the police. But she remembers seeing him on top of me and realizing that I was in trouble.

Dr. L :



Thank you for this additional information.

Dr. L :

I applaud you for telling them the truth...they need to hear it and to process that for themselves.

Dr. L :

Your oldest daughter is 31..is that correct?

Customer:

yES.

Dr. L :

Am I right in thinking that your daughters are not denying what occurred to you..and accept that he did abandon all of you?

Dr. L :

But that there is some willingness on their part to also believe him...or let's say believe that he has no memory of what happened..and was distraught at the divorce?

Dr. L :

I'm just trying to get the facts right so that I can advise you accordingly...thank you for your patience with my questions.

Dr. L :

Please tell me as well if they have a tight bond with your husband...their step-father?

Dr. L :

And...do you have children with this husband?

Customer:

Yes, but they seem to feel it has no bearing on anything today and shouldn't affect me in any way. That they are adults and that this is their life, their choice. It feels to me like he is victimizing me all over again, only this time through them. And yes, they are allowing him to use "trauma" and his alleged use of drugs to excuse his behavior. He did use drugs, but he knew exactly what he was doing. When the police removed him from the home the last time I saw him, he looked right at me (I was standing there with a bloody lip and black eye) and he smiled. I thought they had a tight bond with my husband, but now I am second guessing everything. And yes, I have children with my husband; we have two sons, age 14 and 10.

Dr. L :

Thanks.

Dr. L :

I am going to be 100% frank with you...

Dr. L :

I think your daughter's are acting poorly towards you.

Dr. L :

As women themselves...they ought to realize who was traumatized here and who wasn't!

Customer:

Thank you. I agree, and so does my husband and 14 year old son. I am so angry that this is causing such a rift in my family, but I can't stop them and I don't feel I should have to deal with having a rapist in my life. Even if it means I have to love my daughters from a distance for a while.

Dr. L :

Rape is NEVER okay. Excusing it because one was taking drugs or whatever...is not a reason to harm someone. Being upset with your daughter's makes sense based on their unwillingness to put YOU and your experience in its rightful place. You deserve pity and understanding...not him. He was the offender..you were the victim. Plain and simple.

Dr. L :

That they are unwilling to see this...to believe this...to treat you accordingly..is very regretable..and plain old sad.

Customer:

Thank you. I was afraid that maybe I was overreacting because I am too close to the situation. My emotional status is very precarious at present; I'm very tearful and upset. And that makes me even angrier. I thought I had gotten over this and dealt with it years ago. Now I feel like it happened yesterday and that really makes me mad.

Dr. L :

I agree...if your daughter's can not put the emphasis on your experience...then they will have to live with the consequence of their ignorance! And...in this case..it is to be estranged from you for the time being.

Customer:

I appreciate your advice.

Dr. L :

I am going to post an article about trauma for you to read. The reality here is that you are being re-traumatized by all of this mess. Yes..you likely did deal with it, healed, and moved on with your life. But now...he is back and your daughter's are not dealing with this in an appropriate fashion.

Dr. L :

Now...it is reasonable for them to want to know him. That is there right and, yes, they are adults and have the right to decide who is in their life. But...what they don't have the right to do is to treat you disrespectfully XXXXX XXXXX matter and to tell you such garbage as you are crazy, over-reacting, and that this should not be a problem for you. It is a problem. This man raped you...that is the most violent act imaginable. In deed, he went so far as to try to kill your unborn child. These are not okay actions. And they should never be condoned.

Dr. L :

You are absolutely not crazy. You are not over-reacting.

Dr. L :

You are being re-traumatized.

Dr. L :

And...you are being hurt by your two daughters.

Customer:

I feel betrayed by them and that hurts the most. And it's only going to get worse because they are allowing him to manipulate them; I know he LOVES this. The abuse I suffered was not the only thing he did to me; it was just the last thing I allowed him to do. And I refuse to allow him to hurt me any more.

Dr. L :

Exactly! You will NOT allow him to hurt you. And..yes...I imagined from what you wrote that the rape was just the tip of the iceberg...I'm so sorry.

Customer:

For 2 years after the rape I woke up in the middle of the night at any little sound, terrified he had come back and this time was going to kill me. It took me a long time to get past that, and a long time to trust a man again. He took enough from me; I won't let him have any more.

Customer:

Again, thank you for validating my feelings. I needed someone who is not involved to hear what was going on and weigh in.

Dr. L :

What you are describing are typical trauma reactions..and I do understand the courage and strength it took to get past this. Your daughter's are fools if they are unwilling to understand the entire story...

Dr. L :

And yes...the reality is right now they are betraying you. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly..but you need the truth not some sugar coated response from me.

Customer:

Hopefully they come around before it's too late. I'm already distancing myself from them because I have to.

Dr. L :

I am going to copy and paste an article into this chat ... give me a minute...

Customer:

Will do...

Dr. L :
What is Trauma?

At one time or another everyone seems to have heard the phrase, "...that was traumatic.” Those words may have been said in relation to a physical assault, accident, job loss, death of a loved one, natural disaster, financial ruin, abuse or other devastating event . So...what is trauma and how does it impact us?

 



Symptoms

Trauma can result in a host of physical, social, intellectual, and emotional problems. These include:

Nightmares or night terrors

Flashbacks of the event

Profusive sweating

Heart palpitations

Rapid breathing

Isolation

Denial

Hopelessness

Emotional numbness

Insomnia

Loss of interest in life

Anger outbursts

Difficulty concentrating

Hypervigilance

Hyperarousal

Depression

Addictiveness

Spontaneous startle response


Definition

Plain and simple, trauma is damage to the brain. This damage produces a sunami of symptoms that puts ones very identity in jeopardy. Therefore, it is imperative that interventions are made to restore the mind so that life is not a grim, white knuckling affair, but life’s fruits- pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, and love- are present and available.


Trauma and the Brain

To understand trauma we need to have some idea of how our brain works. Our brains have an amazing ability to defend us - physically, emotionally, and cognitively - against threatening events. For example, a car suddenly and unexpectedly veers toward us as we are standing at a stop sign. Our brain instantly perceives this event as danger. Our mind shuts down our fear, slows down our sense of time, and our body instinctively responds to take corrective action. Our brain has helped us survive this threat!


The ability to shut down emotions, however, can come with a price. Unfortunately, you can’t just eliminate the bad feelings and keep the good. Everything gets shut down. Over time, when traumatic events are NOT processed, a “deadened emotional life” results, and a disconnection from self and others occurs.


Understanding Memories

As we live life, all our experiences are encoded in our memory. This occurs when neurons in the brain are triggered. The more neurons that “fire” in a group, the more vivid those memories and the greater influence they have over our actions and behaviors. This encoding process occurs in the nucleus basalis (adjacent to the brain stem) where the chemical “acetylcholine” is secreted throughout the cortex. Each time this chemical contacts other neurons, the connection is strengthened and the data becomes more important. This is a normal process.


Often people don’t realize that when we are talking about our past, it is not the actual past or the literal “truth,” but our biased representation of that event. Encoded in the memory is the mind’s assessment of the self. The brain actually rates our “self.” That is, it judges whether we are good, bad, to blame, innocent and so forth. This rating process allows us to draw meaning from the event. Therefore, if we re-examine a memory and add new information to it, we can create an entirely new meaning of that event. With that new information we can look at our past and readjust our rating. For example, if an individual misses their airline flight they are likely to view themselves harshly. But if that airplane crashes on the runway before takeoff, the person may now see this event as a blessing.

As we grow and develop, our brains store more and more memories and we rely on these as a way to see the world. Our memories guide us in the present as the brain acts as an anticipatory machine to help us prepare for the future. These memories shape our present by creating a filter through which we anticipate what will happen next. In this way, our memories create biases as we are “primed” for how to interact in the world. For example, if you were a straight A student, you would expect to get A’s on the next test.

It is important to note that many of our biases are unconscious; meaning that we don’t even realize we are experiencing a memory. Rather, we believe we are seeing things in the present alone.


There are two kinds of memories, implicit and explicit. Implicit memories start at birth and encode life events. Implicit memories reside in our brain stem, the part of the brain that is linked with survival (fight, flight, freeze, appease). Implicit memories code information with no link to conscious awareness. When we experience trauma the implicit memories of that event can be re-activated without warning.


Explicit memories begin around age two, but adults often can’t recall memories formed before the age of five. An example of this is riding a bike. From the moment you decide you are going to ride a bike, your body draws from implicit memories telling you how to sit, how to pedal, how to hold your hands and so forth. You have no awareness that these “instructions” are based on a memory. But if you saw an old style bike that reminded you of one you had when you were seven years old, this “picture” is an explicit memory. “Oh, that was just like the bike my dad taught me how to ride on and it was so scary to ride down that big hill by our house”. You know you are experiencing a memory and likely in your mind’s eye you have vivid pictures, feelings, and sensations linked to that specific memory.


Explicit memories are formed in the hippocampus, the area in the brain that categorizes experiences. The images you see in your “mind’s eye” are explicit memories. These explicit memories are linked to the facts of the event and to a sense of yourself in that event. One may have a memory of falling off the bike (factual) and an interpretation of that event (I was clumsy, bad, foolish). As life goes on, our memories accumulate into a time line that creates an autobiographical story or narrative of our self. In this “life-story” resides our self-image and our understanding of the world.

 



Understanding Trauma

When trauma occurs, the hippocampus will temporarily stop functioning. At the same time, the memories are being recorded out of a state of flight/fight. The result is that trauma gets coded in a fractured, disorganized way rather than cohesively and organized. This process is unconscious. Raw moment-to-moment fragments of the experience are locked in the brain in “free-floating implicit puzzle pieces” (Siegel). The brain codes all of the information of the event, including senses, perceptions, emotions, images in a jumbled, disjointed fashion.

Let's look at an example. A woman is raped. She is terrified, anxious, and overwhelmed by feelings. Her hippocampus shuts down her emotions and she dissociates (meaning that she is no longer aware of her own body, feelings, or thoughts). She sees a yellow bird sitting near a window and focuses all her attention on it. Because her brain has closed down and she is numb to what is going on around her, she becomes only conscious of the bird. Then 20 years later she sees a similar bird, her brain awakens all of those fragment images and reactivates an “implicit-only memory reaction” which psychologists call a “flashback.” The woman has no way to make sense of what is triggering her feelings of terror, pain, and powerlessness. All that she knows today is that she is seeing a little yellow bird and she feels terrified.


Healing Trauma: The Levang Method

The Levang Method is a cutting-edge therapeutic approach aimed at healing - once and for all - past trauma. This method is drawn from over 30 years of clinical experience and training in psychology, brain research, and the mind/body connection. The Levang Method is NOT talk therapy. Rather, the therapist assists the client in carefully revealing the trauma incident and moving through it with the aid of therapeutic antidotes and supportive interventions. At the same time, new memories are created by waking up the brain so that it forms a functional memory of the trauma rather than the disjointed images created at the time of the incident.


The initial steps of the Levang Method focus on helping the client identify those negative feelings and internal messages connected to the trauma. These inner experiences are validated and acknowledged in a safe and caring way. As the client feels a sense of being accurately understood and “seen” in the immediate moment, trust begins to be developed. The client realizes that “...someone is finally seeing ME, is wanting to hear my unspoken words and feelings that I have been waiting so long to be recognized.” As the process continues, the client begins to share more and more of their “inner self-map” – (inner story). As what is inside becomes understood on the outside, both the client and the therapist work together to re-engage the hippocampus and begin to heal the implicit memories formed during the trauma. As these memories are expressed and validated, the client is able - often for the first time in their life - to feel safe. This sense of safety allows them to secure support, empathy, and guidance to work through the trauma.


The new picture/memories created shift the client from the past to a new life of healing and healthy functioning. While processing the trauma may be an emotional time, the client’s new sense of being understood fuels hope and possibilities - emotional states that were not available at the time the trauma occurred. A grief/relief response will be felt in which the client will grieve over the hurt, pain, and loss that occurred, yet also experience a sense of relief for having survived without being forever wounded. As the healing progresses, the client is able to see that their life can be radically different.



Key Learning Concepts


If we re-examine a memory and add new information to it, we can create an entirely new meaning of that event.


Our memories create biases that prime us for how to interact in the world.


Implicit memories code information without conscious awareness and can be re-activated without warning.


Explicit memories are linked to the facts of the event and to a sense of yourself in that event.


Dr. L :

Above is the article I wanted you to read.

Dr. L :

I'm sorry but somehow the JustAnswer system erased part of our chat so that I can't see the entire chat between us.

Dr. L :

The last posting I made was asking if your daughter's live near you...could you please reanswer that...

Dr. L :

I want to see if it is possible to have another meeting with them.

Customer:

My oldest daughter lives near me; my youngest lives approx. 3 hours away (closer to my ex-husband).

Customer:

Both of my daughters feel that they are simply exercising their right as adults to have a relationship with their birth father. My youngest daughter seems to at least understand a bit more (or at least be willing to question things) but my oldest appears to have lost her ever loving mind and doesn't see what is happening in front of her.

Dr. L :

Denial is a very powerful tool!

Dr. L :

Did you get the article I posted?

Customer:

But I am not going to continue agonizing over this. I cannot make their choices and apparently my opinion and feelings matter very little to them. The only thing I can control is my reaction, and I am choosing to not allow this to affect me. I will love my daughters from a distance and hope for the best for them. I will concentrate on my marriage with my husband of 17 years and our two children, and be grateful I have them in my life.

Dr. L :

That portion of our chat has disappeared on my screen.

Customer:

Yes, I received the article and have read it. Thank you again for your help.

Dr. L :

Hurrah! You have a very healthy attitude and approach to life!

Customer:

Thank you. :) Take care...

Dr. L :

Your daughter's will have to find their own way....and I think they will be shocked when they wake up out of the stupor they are in.

Dr. L :

But..until that day comes...you can - as you say - not be in that stew with them.

Customer:

No. It was not a nice stew.

Dr. L :

Doing so..puts you in jeopardy emotionally and allows you to be re-traumatized.

Dr. L :

I do ask you to please consider therapy if you find yourself slipping into a depression or unable to let go of your daughters' poor decisions.

Customer:

It does. I haven't felt this horrible in, well, 23 years. Unable to concentrate at home or work, alternating beween fury and tears. Keep trying to talk to them, make them understand how I feel, only to be told I'm "crazy."

Dr. L :

I'm sorry .. truly I am. You are not crazy. And..you need to tell them that they must stop using that word to describe you or you will hang up the phone or ask them to leave.

Customer:

I will seek help immediately. I tried to kill myself a year after the attack and I credit my therapist with saving my life. I'd have never made it through without her. I will never allow myself to slip that far again.

Dr. L :

Please....do not allow those words to be used.

Dr. L :

You must set clear boundaries with your daughters...the subject of their birth father is off limits.

Customer:

I won't. My daughters will have a bit of a surprise the next time they call me. LOL - almost feel sorry for them.

Dr. L :

totally off!

Dr. L :

Well...they will have to learn...

Dr. L :

I do understand the need to know one's birth parents...it is a huge need...

Customer:

And I have already told them I don't want to hear a single thing about him. I've unfriended them from Facebook so he can't use that as a tool to harass. I told them I was going to do it, and why.

Dr. L :

But...to be in denial is another subject.

Customer:

And I understand the need as well. I guess I just expected them to handle it a bit more maturely than they have.

Dr. L :

Good! I like how honest you are with them! That's exactly what needs to happen...100% honesty...he is feeding them lies...you feed them the truth. If they don't like the truth...tough...it's what they are going to get from you!

Customer:

Thank you for your help. I will be giving you an "Excellent" rating :)

Dr. L :

It's my pleasure to help you.

Dr. L :

I'd like to also suggest a good book

Dr. L :

Secrets, Lies and Betrayals by Maggie Scarf

Dr. L :

It might be beneficial for you...

Dr. L :

Going back to therapy is a great idea as well...

Customer:

I will look for it today. Going out to do some Christmas shopping. Haven't been feeling too festive lately. Taking my Christmas back.

Dr. L :

You sound like a really smart woman! Yup...I agree those 2 daughters of yours are currently acting very immature. And I mean currently...let's leave the door open to the hope that they wake up soon!

Dr. L :

You go girl!

Dr. L :

My best to you.

Dr. L :

Please know that you can chat with my again in the future if you would like. Just ask for me by name and your question will be directed to me!

Customer:

I will leave it open a crack. Take care and again, thank you. I promise if I start slipping into the abyss again I will seek in person help.

Dr. L :

It was my pleasure to take your question today!

Dr. L :

Bye for now!

Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1165
Experience: Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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