Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
The cat is already out of the bag and you have already told your daughter YOUR point of view about her father.
She was basing her entire relationship with you upon lies and was trying to either destroy your new relationship with your friend, or continue to allow her father to destroy her relationship with youl
It has driven you to depression, and now, whatever the consequences, you have moved the equation forward.
She is 16, old enough to understand, but she still may be very influenced (brainwashed) by her father.
How did she respond to you when you told her YOUR side of he story?
It wasn't wrong of you to defend your character and to speak the truth to her.
I suggest that you and your daughter return to family therapy together, and with the help of a neutral, professional third party, you begin the process of communication between you.
She needs to see, by a dynamic discourse between you and her, under the guidance of the therapist, that
you are and have been a good parent, and that she has to release the old untrue stereotypes and lies.
Once you begin to straighten things out with her you may be able to introduce your new friend to your daughter.
That will have to come about sometime.
I suggest that you get your legal affairs in order first, so that your relationship is not somehow used against you in an unpredictable and unjust "justice system".
In less than two years your daughter will be an adult, and NOW is the time to get things straightened out with her, while you are able to take her to a therapist with yo9u.
I suggest you find a female therapist, as your daughter might find her more acceptable (rather than a MALE ally of yours, in her mind).
If you don't know where to look go to
click FIND A THERAPIST
enter state and city and a list will pop up
Further refine the list on the left hand side of the page.
I strongly suggest that you and your daughter "shop" together for the therapist online and make a mutual decision. Of course you will have looked before hand so that you might direct her attention to those that you think are the best choices
If she is in on the decision making then she is more apt to be receptive to the therapist.
I see that you have left the chat.
If you need some clarification or wish some follow-up points, please feel free to get back to me. I am switching to Q & A mode.
I believe that you have a chance to reunite with your daughter now that the truth has been told.; MOve forward from here.
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Thank you so much.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
When I told my daughter my side of the story, she was quiet and stared at the wall for like 30 minutes, she just shutdown. I asked her why she felt it was ok to say bad things about me and why she didn't get upset when her dad says bad things about me. I also asked her why she felt just because I was seeing someone that I chose them over her. Since, I do not see them or make plans with them when she is with me. I have never put them before her. My daughter is always first.
After she shutdown she told me she loved me hugged me, then left to go back to her dads house. I texted her yesterday, while I was at work, that I felt sad and that I was sorry if I hurt her by the things I said. I told her I loved her and always will no matter what happens and my home is always her home. I wished I could have talked to her, but it would have been way to late to call after work. I did text her also that I was fearful of the tsumani of revenge that was to be coming my way from her father. She said she didn't know what was going to happen and told me she loved me too.