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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3706
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I started my current relationship being insecure. I had been

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I started my current relationship being insecure. I had been cheated on. I also spent 5 years in the army, so I tend to doubt most of what I hear until I see its true. I love the girl im with, she put up with me asking her tons of questions the where are yous, etc. Her replies to this are very negative and she has said some hurtful things to me in response. She has on numerous occasions told me she hates me, she can do better than me, reminded me her parents dont like me, called me everyname in the book from scumback to prick. I put up with it because she makes me feel as though I deserve it for asking if she really got out of work so late. She never appologizes and i feel all the things she has said have made me feel insecure. When I bring that up to her she says you were like this when we met. I was, thats true but I have improved, where i feel her words and how quickly she tries to end us makes me feel less secure. I feel as though I ask because im not content with relationship. I thought we were in a serious relationship, but how can someone say all of those things out of anger and simply not care,i think to myself if she has no problem, no remorse doing this, what else would she do. I improved over the year and 2 months we have been together. I ask less, and I trust more. Just the other day I slipped up. She got out of work later than normal, and I bothered her about it, as if she was lying. She said the usual round of insults and we have not talked since. I love her, i dont want to lose her I just want things to get better between us. Is there something I could do better that would be an immediate change for us?

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

Happy to help you with this.

Bill :

In reading what you have written and relying on over 30 years of experience working with couples- I am sorry to deliver the news that what you have related does not sound like a healthy relationship ------at all.

Bill :

I know you "love" here- but this is not love.

Bill :

When you enter a relationship feeling insecure you are most often going to attract someone who is not secure within themselves and this is what I see here.

Bill :

There is no MAGIC WAND that will make this all better or quick solutions other than you educating yourself about the traits of a healthy relationship====compare with what you now have and see that you may have to make a difficult choice as to whether this is really the right relationship for you.

Bill :

The traits of a healthy relationship are listed here:

Bill :

If these traits are not present or lacking then you will know the areas that need work. IF your needs are not being met in this relationship-then you have to make a choice.

Bill :

You deserve to have a good- healthy relationship. The only one you can change is yourself--

Bill :

If you have any comments or would like to respond please do- I am happy to help.

Bill and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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