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Dear concerned parent,
This kind of behavior stems purely from curiosity and not from perversion, in any sense of the word. He will probably not do this any longer because you have instructed him on proper behavior..
A four year old is a totally innocent spirit, and has no malice or perversion in with this act. It is purely curiosity.
Does your son show any other behavior that you find unusual or disturbing?
No we do not find any of his behavior unusual or disturbing. But we are concerned because this is the second incident so to speak. He knew immediately what he did was wrong.
The circumstances were different between the two incidents. One he acted, and two he asked. The subtleties of logic are too complex for a 4 year old.
How would you suggest we proceed with instruction for him. How should we explain this is not acceptable? What punishments, if any, would be appropriate in this kind of situation.
Do you think he now understands that this is something he shouldn't do? The concept of rules of society is a difficult one. He has limited experience and understanding.
We thought he got it the first time, but tried again in a different way.
No punishment would be helpful and might even be harmful to him. Rather, keep explaining to him that he cannot do this any more or they will not let him stay in the day care center.. It is a no-no.
Does he understand now that he should not do this again?
We do believe he understands he should not do this.
Then this problem is probably over with. He is probably just a normal, curious little boy whose curiosity led him to a part of the anatomy that makes most adults get overly excited and concerned, unjustifiably, because a little bit of instruction and parenting makes this quickly turn into a non-issue.
Atr what point then should we be concerened there could be an issue?
I have a 4 year old grandchild (and formerly had 3 other 4 year-olds of my own). They are precious, innocent, and naive, and have not learned to be ashamed of things that we adults now avoid and consider awful. Sometimes we adults make a mountain out of a molehill and we reinforce our activities and
sometimes we adults tend to, as they say in mental health, "catastrophize".
Unfortunately these kinds of things can get a child expelled from school and alienated from friends. We would like to nip this in the bud. We understand this comes from an innocent place but we have to ensure it does not happen in the future.
Shame is not the issue here but boundaries are.
He is learning his boundariesl.
HIs being confident of your support and love are top priorities.
The best way to insure that it does not happen again is to gently, remind him once or twice
that he should not ever do anything like this again.
He is intelligent and he is not rebellious, so you should not have a problem. He is a good and decent boy and not a trouble-maker.