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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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A physiological problem...since I was a teenager I like to

Resolved Question:

A physiological problem...since I was a teenager I like to wear women's panties every once in a while and like to exhibit my self to another woman or women. Otherwise I have a normal heterosexual life and have been married for many years with four grown children. This has just happened again with my wife after many years and she is not happy to say the least even though I have tried to explain myself.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  wieyedoc replied 1 year ago.
When you dressed up like this in the past and your wife found about it, what did she say and what did you do?
Now that she has learned about your desire to dress in female attire and exhibit your self dress like this to another woman or a group of women, what is her feelings about it?
Just to be clear....you only exhibit yourself to adults, is this correct?
Also, are these adult women who you exhibit yourself consent to this activity or do you find yourself "flashing" women on the streets?
I look forward to your reply so we can figure out what you should do.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
With all due respect shouldn't I be talking about this problem with a pyschologist? However, to answer your questions. She doesn't know about my exhibiting myself to other women and that was thirty some yeards ago or longer. It was only to her, once some twenty five years ago and then last night. Yes, only to adults and always with their consent but a long time ago...in college actually.
Expert:  wieyedoc replied 1 year ago.
If you would prefer to discuss this issue with a mental health worker, such as a psychiatrist or a psychologist, I will be happy to "opt out" and transfer your question to them. Please be patient, however, as there may be some delay in making the switch.
I feel comfortable in helping you with this issue but, of course, I am just a regular MD :)
Let me know what you would like to do and it shall be done......
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
Although there is nothing wrong with men dressing up in women's clothing, the fact that this upsets your wife makes it an issue. Normally, as long as no one was upset by what you do and you found pleasure with it, then it is a perfectly fine activity. However, your wife takes these actions to mean something different. It could be because she was raised a certain way or that seeing you in women's clothing is upsetting to her because it changes her feelings about you or her perception of your marriage. Either way, her feelings need addressed.
It is not clear if you both have been to counseling about this issue, but if not, you may want to consider it. Getting to the root of why your wife feels upset about you dressing up can help you both work through it.
Also, consider letting her vent about how she feels. She needs to feel that you are listening to her and taking her feelings seriously, even if they do not match how you feel about the issue. Just listening to her can create an important connection between you both that can assist you in working through this problem.
Talk to your wife about a compromise. She may not like what you do, but if she is willing to accept some of the behaviors in exchange for you giving up some, you may be able to find a middle ground so you both are happy. For example, you agree to only dress up when she is not around or won't see it. And she agrees that if she accidentally sees it, she won't say anything and that she won't bring the topic up again. By making the agreement, you both can get what you need and grow closer from the experience of working through the issue.
I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Kate,
Many thanks for your reply. I think my wife feels that somehow I may be the reason one of my sons is gay or that I am in the closet which for me is preposterous as I have a strong sex drive. I do like to put on a pair of panties sometimes but only for my own enjoyment and this is seldom. I did last night because we were kidding the day before about a pair that Barbara seemed to haveisplaced. She does know about my interest in that item. Years before, like maybe thirty, she saw me wearing them...really exhibiting them for her...that didn't go down well either and nothing until last night. Barbara is very conservative in really everything. I had hoped it would be kind of fun last night...oh, was I wrong.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome!
You cannot cause your son to become gay. Many gay parents raise children who are heterosexual so parent orientation does not affect children in that way. And wanting to dress up in women's panties also is very different from being gay. One is an interest and another is a sexual orientation.
The fact that you engage in the behavior rarely and do it in private should help your wife. It may be that outright displays of you wearing panties triggers something for her. It is not clear what, but if she is conservative in her views, it could be that she holds one point of view of your actions and therefore one meaning. So for example she may believe that a man dressing up in women's clothing means only one thing- he is gay.
If your wife is open to it, you may want to consider working with her to help her understand the meaning behind why you dress up. Talking to a therapist can help (it would reassure her that you are ok) and using self help would also work. Talk to her to see if she is willing. If not, you may need to consider not bringing the topic up so she does not get upset.
Kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You may find this resource helpful as well:
Crossdressing With Dignity: The Case For Transcending Gender Lines by Peggy J. Rudd
Kate
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Kate,I will try to have a takk with Barbara tonight and if it is all right I will show her your notes...a silly question, do you think I should offer to destroy the panties? Rather hate to but would of course. I would rate you a 10!Fred
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Fred,
If you feel it would help the situation, then destroying them might help. Just be careful not to mislead her if you still intend on wearing the panties.If you stil intend on using them, them you may just want to stick to talking about the issue instead.
Kate
I appreciate you rating my service if you are happy with my responses, thank you. Ok or above would be wonderful. If you have any trouble rating, let me know so I can let the moderators know and they can assist you.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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