Thanks for the information you've given me thus far.
The severity of my obsessions tend to change quite a bit. Sometimes I'll be sitting here and accepting the situation as it is, to curling up on the bed in a fetus position wanting to disappear.
A lot of my obsessions mainly revolve around "what if" and attraction. I tend to look into a lot of macabre and taboo topics out of interest and then feel sick with myself afterwards wondering if I'm just like the things I look up.
It doesn't help by looking them up, of course. I don't know. I just want to have some sort of technique in my mind to disregard the thoughts which is where I suppose the CBT would fit in. Any other thoughts you have regards XXXXX XXXXX based on this extra information?
What happens if you try to resist looking up those "taboo topics?"
Well it's kind of like an addiction. Like an alcoholic having just one sip of beer to calm down. I can resist for so long but then I have to look it up to put my mind at rest. For example if have a thought about hurting a family member, (which I never would) I'll look up news stories and stuff about people who have done such a thing. There's a certain satisfaction to looking it up but then it comes back on me ten times worse because I think "maybe I am like that" and so on and so on.
Is it just out of interest or is there another pattern going on that you can pinpoint?
I'll be obsessively thinking about something I said or something I did in the past, and the urge to look into such things will arise, again making me think about it a lot more. I'll just be overwhelmed by shame but it's still a coping mechanism to put some of my thought patterns right. It's just a destructive Catch-22, really.
I'll have a look into the stuff you've shown me and thanks for your advice, Dr Fee.