I will be in about 20-30 minutes if you could wait. I hope we can connect then.
Absolutely, just let me know. I'll hang out here in the waiting room.
Thank you for waiting- so glad we could connect again
I hope things are going better, or on the right path to better.
Hi Jean: me too! How are you today
Well, I ended up in the hospital for three days.
I'm good- thank you!
For good reason, I'm sure. It's a tough time right now. How did things turn out for you?
I detoxed from Ativan, the docs were shocked at how much I had been taking. The hospital shrink thinks I might be bipolar (!)
Maybe finally some answers to why things have been so difficult- I'm glad you are being taken care of.
I was shocked, bipolar has never been brought up before -- I don't have manic or even hypomanic episodes.
But I do have fast-cycling moods
The hospital can provide a dr. to take a better look at someone- better eval, more time to evaluate, and better treat you. This was not a diagnosis you had considered. There are different types of bipolar- yes fast cycling is one of them.
How are you feeling about all of this?
Some relief I hope
I have an appt with a psych who specializes in mood disorders/bipolar and with a CBT therapist. The hospital wanted to send me to detox/rehab but I can't go due to work.
My first reaction was shock and denial . . .
Now I'm thinking that a correct DX with the correct meds could be a blessing
As I recall you are not a big fan of rehab programs!! Yes shock is normal to such a discovery- there is good treatment out there. Yes treated correctly can change one's life.
I do believe you were where you needed to be, especially with the medical issues, coming off meds yourself may have caused additional problems on your own.
The co-morbid conditions with bipolar do match some of mine: drug abuse, migraines, chronic insomnia/sleep deprivation. I even ran into an article that draws a relationship between bipolarity and seizures.
Yes, it was a good thing to be admitted (though embarrassing!)
Wow, now you can learn so much about this- a time for enlightenment.
Your are so optimistic, LOL
It's okay- happens to the best of them- it's an important step to get on the path to recovery- I'm happy for you!
If it is bipolar, I need the tools to help prevent substance abuse, as benzos can be part of the treatment for the anxiety.
If you hadn't gone into the hospital you may have gone round and round not knowing what you were dealing with. This way you can be more specifically treated. Good to hear you will see dr. and do cbt. Yes a therapist can help you with coping, reducing your anxiety etc. Hang on for the ride.
Some good ole fashion exercise, diet, sleep can be a big part of this recovery.
I'm trying . . . all these years of anxiety, panic, and sleep deprivation - it would be a relief to control some of it.
Yes, I was reading that a "scheduled" life can help control things.
Structure can be a godsend- for sure
I used to be incredibly structured, then kinda lost it over the last 5-6 years.
Something as simple as going to bed and getting up at certain times, incorporating self care into your schedule is vital.
So I'm taking Tegretol, Klonopin, and Ambien. I'd like to get off the Ambien if the Tegretol and Klonopin help me sleep.
It's difficult to go to bed and wake up at the same time when my patterns are so wonky. I have a sleep study scheduled, which should help.
Getting back to things that worked better for you in the past, leaving those things behind that became part of the problem...
They are checking it all out- good- sleep is a biggie.
Yup, and hormone/thyroid/CBC -- all the stuff is scheduled.
It sounds like you are right where you need to be- you are taking care of business- get things done- good quality in a time like this- write the curriculum right!
Trusting the process in all of this is important to- like we talked last time, know that it will take time to get where you want to be. Some good and some rough days of course.
LOL, I'm working on the curriculum. I have a zillion papers that need to be graded and commented on for Monday. I'm thinking about doing a minimally ok job on 'em tomorrow just to get through.
I'm trying to get ready for the bad days without handling it with drugs.
your students won't mind if you let up a little bit- hey they can benefit a bit from this lol
I try to remind myself of this, but I have my little perfectionist streak.
Consider it a holiday present for your students :) they will be thankful- it is Thanksgiving, holiday season
I've always associated bipolarity with being "crazy," so if this does turn out to be the DX I'll have some work to do with accommodating it.
No one will suffer- it will work out okay. Yes, you will have to allow it to sink in- re think it- it's a diagnosis, it's not you.
Bipolar seems to be the new normal from what I see in my practice
I define myself against my crazy family, so admitting that I'm not the perfect, healthy one will be a difficult curve.
That's what the hospital psych said too -- "the new normal"
It may say more about our fast paced, rat race life we live in. Embrace this, what happened in your family just is- it may require redefining what your family experienced. People just trying to cope the best they know of.
It was not so much the drugs that were the problem- it's what you were trying to cope with that is more the issue.
I'm not there yet, but these are good ways to think about things . . . the drugs were, I think, desperate bids to make the anxiety stop. Plus the psych I was seeing had put my on an SSRI in August that made everything so much worse.
That is often a good indication that there is a mood disorder when ssri med makes symptoms worse.
I read that . . . and I've been through about every SSRI invented in the last 15 years with similar responses.
Taking a look at what your "anxiety" was trying to accomplish, what was it telling you?? It was your minds way of getting your attention for sure.
This is a new and important chapter in your life- on a new path- a path to recovery- this is so exciting- ok tell me to stop already with the optimism!!
Yes, but so much of my anxiety is nonsense -- circular, obsessive thinking about stuff I have no control over.
No, your optimism is wonderful at this time!
That is where the chemical imbalance comes in- so out of your control- mind of it's own- you do not have control of that.
And the depression, too. So many times I've wanted to hit my brain with a big hammer, or find a "reset" button.
Or just be dumb and happy.
Writing about this journey would make for some good reading. It is just that a journey, going on an expedition into unknown lands. Just "be" like winne the pooh- there is a good book "The Tao of Pooh" no kidding!!
I think I will start writing when I can.
Time - that gift
You work hard, need to find the time to relax hard.
You are right. Thank you for your caring and optimism. I may get back in touch with you in the future, would that be okay?
I would love to hear from you anytime- it's my pleasure!!
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX helped me through the first really big "hump" of this long journey.
I do wish you the best- send you thoughts of healing, and peace.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX
You are welcome- glad I can be a little part of your journey- thank you for that
Jean, I'm trying to rate "Excellent" but it's not working well. Please let me know if you're not reimbursed. Thanks, Jenn
It does not look like it went through for payment- would you be so kind to check with customer service- I've had some problems with this recently-